Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Five Movies You Might Not Have Seen That You Definitely Should

Note:  I doubt you’ll be able to see any of these movies in a theater in 3D with all your hip friends, so settle in to that disappoint straight away.  And keep in mind that my taste are more toward the stupidly funny, the sappiest of sap, and the too indie to exist.

5. The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2 – By far the best of chainsaw massacres.  The trailer tragically doesn’t showcase how wonderfully hilarious it is, but rest assured that I’ve seen it at least twice a year for at least eight years, and I never don’t think I’m going to vomit from laughing too hard.  The fantastic Bill Moseley plays Leatherface’s older brother, and he has such delightful lines as “Lick my plate, you dog dick!”  and the memorable “You done messed up my Sonny Bono wig!”

4. Paper Heart – The adorable Charlyne Yi does a documentary about love, and along the way, she happens to find it in beautiful Michael Cera.  It’s a sort of half documentary, half scripted thing – to be totally honest, I’m not entirely sure where that line falls.  Regardless, Michael Cera plays Michael Cera, and both versions of Michael Cera fall in love with Charlyne (they actually did date for a while), and also Seth Rogen’s in there a little, and all that’s enough to make me swoon, and that’s enough to make me love this film.

3. The Ten – This is the glorious David Wain’s take on the Ten Commandments, featuring Paul Rudd, Winona Ryder, Jessica Alba, Adam Brody, Michael Showalter, and Michael Ian Black, and if that’s not enough to make you want to watch this movie, then I don’t know what to tell you.  Except maybe this – in this movie, Jesus lives on earth, but instead of bringing on the Rapture, he hangs out in Mexico and spends his days seducing ladies, because he just hasn’t gotten around to that Armageddon yet.  Is that enough?

2. Reefer Madness: The Movie Musical – You guys remember the original Reefer Madness, right?  The educational film from the 1930’s all about “the demon weed”?  It’s that, except with singing and dancing and hilarity.  Oh, and Alan Cumming, who can make even amazing things just a little better.  With such fun-filled songs as “Listen to Jesus, Jimmy” and “The Brownie Song,” this movie can appeal to stoners and straight edged musical lovers alike.  And that’s a powerful movie.

1. Visioneers – I have a whole lot of love for Zach Galifianakis, and this is by far his best movie (and that was decided by me and the only other person I know who has this deep sense of appreciation for the man, so that’s a pretty solid statement).  I once wrote a little over 1,500 words on how much this movie means to me, but I’ll spare you all that (you can email me if you’re that concerned about it) and just say that it changed my life a little bit, and that should suffice.

I know some of you guys have seen some of these movies, so let’s talk about them.  Did you love them too?  Do you have movie recommendations?  Let’s get something going here.

14 CommentsLeave a comment

  • I wouldn’t actually recommend The Ten or Paper Heart to anyone, but yes to the rest — especially Visioneers, the most depressing work of dadaism ever. (Mostly unrelated, but Galifianakis fans and fans of ghost submarines might like Below, which is a solid B-movie.)

    More of this, please! Very Pajiba-style, I like it!

    • Oh, Visioneers, so incredibly wonderful. I’ll check out Below, if just for the ghost submarines. And The Baxter is definitely on my list, as I have an intense love for Michael Showalter.

  • This is great! since those are the requirements I have for my movies as well, I’ve added most of these to my netflix queue. Thanks!

  • I typically love independent films and odd humor, at the risk of stumbling into the tragically bad in pursuit (#1 on my tragically bad list: I Want Someone To Eat Cheese With). Unfortunately that list is finished with The Ten (was unable to stay awake through despite my ability to stay awake during my Super Ex Girlfriend and The Ghost of Girlfriends Past, both awful) and Paper Heart.
    I can’t help but wonder: what the fuck is wrong with you?
    My recommendations: Moon. Death at a Funeral (the original!). Sunshine Cleaning. Lars and the Real Girl which is one my favorite movies of ever.

  • I loathe, despise, and otherwise hate Michael Cera so the idea of watching him and his twee indie hipster girlfriend woo one another makes me want to vomit. Visioneers was okay.
    I agree with all of Paige’s suggestions. I loved Moon and Death at a Funeral. Lars and the Real Girl was unexpectedly enjoyable.