I am not going to pretend for a second that I don’t care about this. Not for one hot second.

Last night I was getting pretty deep into Twitter (I’m snowed in back east at my parents’ house, OK?) and I noticed that the Bieliebers were Tweeting something about how Nick Jonas unfollowed Jasmine V. (Bieber’s ex) and then Jasmine unfollowed Selena and then Selena unfollowed Justin and then Justin unfollowed both Selena AND Jasmine (take a minute to let all that sink in if you need to).

Basically, something hella craycray went down with that whole circle of teen royalty and I’m dying to know what it is. I’ve consulted with my friends and we’re thinking it has something to do with the rumors about Justin hooking up with Miley Cyrus, but who knows? There’s so much room for deliciously inappropriate speculation here.

For those of you who’ve had better things to do than worry about this shit, Justin and Selena are almost probably definitely an item. I’m guessing that this massive unfollow party has something to do with them breaking up. One site tried to claim that the unfollows were an attempt to calm the relationship rumors, but all parties involved must have known that unfollowing is way more dramatic and eye-catching to die hard fans than just leaving things the way they are.

The comments, you guys. I know you’ve got things to say about all of this in the comments.

I’ve done my best to ignore both this show and this news story, but I can’t anymore. Yo, one of the moms from that show Teen Mom is in jail! … Yes, only one of them. Can you believe it?

Amber Portwood, who looks like an orange Pound Puppy, was jailed this morning after being charged with three class D felonies, two for domestic battery and one count of neglect of a dependent (that would be her baby). The charges sprung from an on-camera fight between Amber and her former fiance and baby daddy, Gary Shirley, who she claims to be getting along with these days.

Because of an Indiana law stating that anyone charged with domestic violence is required to spend at least 24 hours in jail regardless of whether or not bail has been posted, Amber is currently being held. Should everything go according to plan, Amber will be back out by later this evening.

As I said, I don’t know anything about this show, so I’m going to have to rely on you guys to guide me: Is Amber a misunderstood teen, in a crappy position, or is this chick just a total menace?

Kelly Osbourne may have a new body and a new BFF, but she’s still up to the same immature coping tactics. Like high school students and emotionally stunted adults, Kelly turned to her Twitter page the day after Christmas to let a can of whoop ass loose on her former fiance. The Tweets (pictured above) claim that Luke is trying to win her back despite cheating on her with “100s of girls as well as men.”

You may remember Kelly going crazy on Luke via her Facebook page last summer when she discovered he was fooling around behind her back. The six years she spent on reality TV should have probably tipped me off to this sooner, but you guys: I think Kelly Osbourne might have a problem with oversharing.

Thing is, we all know someone like this. Everyone’s logged onto Facebook and seen some highly personal information blasted on someone’s status. But unfortunately for Kelly, most of the folks who engage in that sort of behavior are the jokes in our lives:  the loudmouthed second cousin, the girl from high school who was never really all there. As someone who’s doing her best to take the middle Osbourne child seriously, I’m going to have to ask her to refrain from such out of control behavior in the future.

Are you a Facebook oversharer? Have you ever used a social networking site to put an ex on blast? Or even better, have YOU been put on blast?

And in case you didn’t know who Elisabetta Canalis is, she’s George Clooney’s current long-term piece of arm candy (and dammit, not ‘army’ candy, which is what almost appeared there) and that’s about all you need to know.

George Clooney, in addition to being one of Hollywood’s most sought-after actors, is apparently rolling in hot women, as having dated Kelly Preston, Lucy Liu, Krista Allen, Sarah Larson, and a plethora of other hot, hot women.

And if you think that’s good, I thought for the past ten years that Clooney was the voice of Buzz Lightyear. Talk about giving credit where credit was not due. I only just found out about this Buzz Lightyear thing with the new Toy Story movie, and man, was I disappointed. Shame on you, George, for looking so much like Buzz Lightyear that I thought you just had to be the voice of his character.

Check out photos of Canalis in the gallery, and please, let me know: is she the hottest beach bum ever or what?

Elton John and his partner of five-plus years have adopted a baby boy! The couple’s surrogate mother delivered the child, Zachary Jackson Levon Furnish-John, on Christmas day in California.

According to John and Furnish’s rep:

“We are overwhelmed with happiness and joy at this very special moment.  Zachary is healthy and doing really well, and we are very proud and happy parents.”

And before you worry that Sir Elton, at the age of 62, and his partner David Furnish, at the age of 48, won’t be active parents because of their ages and stages in life, Furnish claims:

“We don’t want to put the raising of children into the hands of nannies and housekeepers. We want to be active parents”

All I know is that this child is going to be one lucky, privileged, and in-touch child with these two fabulous men as parents. Congratulations to the John-Furnish family – even if that poor child does has a wicked mouthful for a name.

And you know what? Despite prior claims that LeAnn was a homewrecker, and Eddie is still lurking in the closet somewhere, I’m happy for these two crazy assholes. HAPPY, do you hear? I don’t know if it’s from the excess alcohol over the holidays, or if that damned Mrs. Claus get-up finally won me over, but I’m rooting for these guys today, and I’m rooting for them hard.

LeAnn’s rep came forward last night and confirmed that boyfriend Eddie had popped the question over the holidays:

“Yes, they were engaged over the holidays and are very happy.”

And you know what? Despite the fact that both of them apparently have a fat lot of baggage from previous relationships (what with Cibrian being married to that shrew for so long and LeAnn getting married when she was fourteen or whatever), they do seem both super happy and in love.

The ring, of course, is a stunner – it’s a 5 carat oval diamond in a gold fleur-de-lis setting. Insiders say that the couple designed the ring together, so they both knew this day would come, it was just a matter of time.  (What, you think this couple would keep anything from each other, EVER?  Come on.) Check the honker of a ring out here:

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