Amy Fisher AKA The Long Island Lolita AKA the chick who shot Mary Jo Buttafuoco in the face is releasing a new sex tape, Amy Fisher is Sex. This is Amy’s second DreamZone Entertainment title, but she’s far from a n00b. After her release from prison, she met and married Lou Bellera, who sold their first marital sex tape back in 2007. Amy’s been stripping (occasionally for charitable causes like Haitian relief funds) and doing the porn thing ever since.

Amy Fisher is Sex has the porn star meeting with different men and interviewing them until they ultimately wind up boning. Tommy Gunn, her co-star from her first DreamZone title Deep Inside Amy Fisher, will also be joining her in the new flick. Must be nice to work with an old pal.

She even posted some pictures of it on her Twitter! Do you recognize it?  If not, don’t worry, because Brandy explains that it’s Ganesh, “Egyptian god! Remover of all obstacles.”  If you’re the highfalutin type (like one of Brandy’s followers), you might point out that Ganesh is a Hindu god, not an Egyptian one, but you can keep that to yourself, because we’re not going to rain on Brandy’s parade.

Except we kind of are, because I’m sorry, but I think it’s ill-advised to get a tattoo of a god you might not fully understand, especially if that tattoo can be said to look like a dick.  If I were Brandy’s friend, I’d have been like “girl, we can make this worthwhile for a little bit with Spider-Man web shooter jokes, but maybe just check out Wikipedia some more and sleep on it a little longer.” And I would do it out of pure love, because I’d know that whenever I got urges to get a tattoo of floppy-haired teenage Jesus riding a unicorn over a rainbow or a human centipede with Hitler, Stalin, and Mussolini, she’d say the same thing to me.  Real imaginary friends sometimes have to do the hard thing because it’s the right thing.

Eminem – Syllables feat. Jay-Z, Dr. Dre & 50 Cent by ChasinDatPaper

The new track features Dr. Dre (hello wicked awesome high school memories), 50 Cent – who I have kind of deplored since ‘In Da Club’ and ‘P.I.M.P.’ – and Jay-Z, king of modern rap as we know it.

A lot of critics claimed that the track appeal itself might be overshadowed by so much big-name talent, but me? I think, though there are many, many nuances of this song, that it’s classic Em and I’m content to love it just for that fact – also, I’d still totally have a zillion of Eminem’s babies.  I’m sure that has something to do with it, too.

Remember Stephanie Seymour? She used to be pretty important, I guess. She dated everyone in Guns ‘n Roses, was featured multiple times in the Sports Illustrated swimsuit edition, sustained popularity by being a former Victoria’s Secret model, and married some bigwig paper tycoon by the name of … fuck, I don’t know, it doesn’t matter in the context of this story.

Her illustrious past aside, it was apparent this past holiday weekend that Seymour’s been trying hard to relive her heyday, or at least resurrect some semblance of sexiness by posing it up on St. Bart’s over the holidays. However?  After these photos surfaced, her obvious attempt at looking hot came over looking more stupid and desperate than anything else.

Note to Seymour? It’s not attractive when it looks like you’re trying to both shit and piss – through your unkind bikini – in the ocean.

Reese Witherspoon, who’s been dating that Jim Toth agent guy for awhile now, has confirmed to her fans that she, yes, is engaged. Toth apparently proposed over the Christmas break and Reese happily obliged.

Jim seems like a cool guy and what not, and he’s not hard on the eyes, but she used to wake up next to Jake Gyllenhaal. And she kicked him to the curb.

I’ll be honest – I heaved a humongous sigh of relief when the Witherspoon/Philippe marriage went belly-up, because ever since I Know What You Did Last Summer, I thought that Ryan Philippe was the height of deep-voiced pretentiousness and no one like that deserves to woo and win the heart of Miss Sweet Home Alabama. Except Jake Gyllenhaal.

And when she did move on to Jake, good old long-term relationship Jake Gyllenhaal, sparks of happiness were emitted from my cold, bitchy heart and I thought, ‘Yes, this is a celebrity relationship that I could really sink my teeth into.’ But you know what?  It all comes to an end eventually.

So on that note, congratulations, Reese, Jim. But bear in mind my sage offering of advice that, indeed, nothing good on this earth lasts.

Can’t wait to see photos of your wedding!

“There’s still a tremendous amount of homophobia in our culture. For an actor to be working [at all] is a kind of miracle, because most actors aren’t. So it’s just silly for a working actor to say, ‘Oh, I don’t care if anybody knows I’m gay’ — especially if you’re a leading man. Personally, I wouldn’t advise a gay leading man-type actor to come out. Despite all the wonderful advances that have been made, it’s still dangerous for an actor to talk about that in our extremely misguided culture. Look at what happened in California with Proposition 8. Please, don’t pretend that we’re suddenly all wonderfully, blissfully accepted.”

- Richard Chamberlain, former heartthrob and, as of age 69, an openly gay actor, advising the gay youth in Hollywood to keep it to themselves.

I’m sort of intrinsically opposed to this sort of “keep your head down” advice.  There’s been a forward-moving energy about equality for a while now, and it’s not there yet, that’s obvious, but advising people to stay in the closet because they’re sure to be shunned? That seems a little counterintuitive to me.

What do you guys think?  We have strong feelings about this, right?  Let’s talk about them.