Yo, yesterday was a big day for Lindsay Lohan, I’m just learning. It was the actress’ 100th day free of drugs and alcohol yesterday (101st today!), which is obviously a huge milestone. It’s actually hard to believe that’s it’s been over three months since she failed that last drug test, but I guess that’s how fast time flies. Like, I’m reevaluating my life now that I realize that it was 100 DAYS AGO that all that mess went down. She’s sober, but what the fuck have I done with my life?!

The year’s almost over, guys. As of January 3rd, Lohan’s going to be out of rehab and hopefully back to work. Where are you gonna be? #TheDeepestThingIEverWrote

Oh, and P.S. Congratulations, Lindsay. I am sincerely rooting for you.

TMZ is reporting that Lindsay Lohan has been given back her car keys. While the actress technically had permission to drive from the courts and DMV, her rehab center, Betty Ford, felt like she wasn’t ready to deal with the stresses of the paparazzi following after her.

However, they’ve changed their mind after seeing how Lindsay dealt with their decision to forbid her from driving and because both of  her parents called and urged the staff to let her get back behind the wheel. I’d kill for a tape of those conversations to leak, BTW. Can you even imagine what it is that Michael and Dina Lohan could have said to any person of any sort of authority to get their daughter permission to operate a moving vehicle? It’s a shame that the family didn’t focus on politics instead of acting. They’d probably be thriving.

Here’s just reason 9,482 that I think Khloe Kardashian is a loud-mouthed asshole.

Khloe, as depicted by the above video, was a guest on a recent airing of Lopez Tonight, and discussed her many issues with flying these days and the invasiveness that is the TSA.

Now, I know that there’s a lot of controversy as of late about the full-body screenings and how it icky makes some people feel – some of them have, you know, what they feel to be pretty valid gripes about being ‘exposed’ in such a public manner, and that’s alright. I can dig that some people are way more modest and private than others and feel that a full-body screening can be more than just an inconvenient invasion of privacy. Me, I could care less – I’m firmly of the belief that everyone’s got the same parts, and even if they’re missing a few, they’d still have the same parts if they were present. I really don’t care, and if a full-body scan will deter psychos from trying to blow planes out of the sky or try take the damned thing over with a fourteen-inch machete, so be it. I’m all for it. I’m a nervous flier as it is, and I prefer to spend my time agonizing over whether or not that last bit of turbulence will be the kiss of death rather than debating the added stress of wondering whether or not the thing is going to be hijacked.

Anyway. Khloe’s comment about being ‘raped in public’ is totally off base, and if you don’t think so, let’s go back to the Kristen Stewart ‘being raped’ by paparazzi thing, shall we? Because they’re one and the same. You might not have been raped, and I might not have been raped, but unfortunately?  There are people out there who have been raped, and listening to lard-ass Khloe Kardashian try to grunt intelligent-sounding words from marshmallow-stuffed cheeks about how she feels ‘publicly raped’ by the TSA probably don’t feel all that good about it either.

Keep it closed while you’re ahead, Khloe.  I’m sure that your big, mean, nasty TSA inspector didn’t like feeling you up any more than you liked being felt up.

Jared Leto, lead singer for 30 Seconds to Mars, or as I prefer to remember him, Jordan Catalano on My So-Called Life, recently sat with Details magazine to dish on his desires to remain irresponsible, refrain from being tied down, and other general ambitions in life.  The interview is pretty interesting, but I’m more captivated by the photo.  Regardless of whether or not you think he’s a cheesy cornball with anime tendencies and a flair for the whiny, you can’t deny … this is one beautiful man.

Q: In concert you wear eyeliner, crazy hairstyles, elaborate outfits. Do you regard it as another acting gig?

A: No, no, no. As a musician, it’s about revealing more of who you really are. I’m not handed a script with dialogue; there’s no cinematographer or editor. I’m not so interested in creating a persona. There have been shows where I’ve been very plain and shows where I’ve worn a dress. I’ve got a skirt on right now. I was in Japan and all the busboys were wearing them.

Q: You’ve gone out in public in drag.

A: I walked down Madison Avenue in a spaghetti-strap tank top and black-fringe wig, and I thought that I would pass with flying colors, but I didn’t. My shoulders were too big. My jaw was too big. I was just trying to disappear. It wasn’t like I was getting in touch with my inner transvestite, which I’m sure is inside of us all somewhere.

Q: You turn 39 this month. Any plans to settle down?

(more…)

I’ll let you in on a little secret: though I’ve protested – loudly – in the past about country music and how I had a deep-seated gag reflex for anything about its scene, I’ve had a change of heart. It’s apparently growing on me. I downloaded a Lady Antebellum song a few weeks ago, and just the other night, Sugarland. I know it’s pretty awful to say, when I formerly prided myself on my eclectic music tastes, but when you live somewhere for so long, I guess it begins to wear you down (and I’ll tell you guys – where I live, country is king – these people haven’t even heard of Radiohead or Gomez). And wear you down, it does – So much so that the once-odd-sized peg that refused to jam itself into the hole begins to slip in rather daintily, and without sound, after all of that involuntary whittling and rubbing away.

So the awards show. Good stuff, lots of pretty people, and some decent music. And I know, I know – I have no fucking clue as to why Criss Angel was there flashing gang signs, either.

Here’s the complete list of last night’s winners if you weren’t able to catch the show:

Artist of the Year – Carrie Underwood
Artist of the Year – Male: Brad Paisley
Artist of the Year – Female: Carrie Underwood
Artist of the Year – Duo or Group: Lady Antebellum
Artist of the Year – Breakthrough Artist: Easton Corbin
Album of the Year – Play On – Carrie Underwood
Single of the Year – Need You Now – Lady Antebellum
Single of the Year – Male: Why Don’t We Just Dance – Josh Turner
Single of the Year – Female: Cowboy Casanova – Carrie Underwood
Single of the Year – Duo or Group: Need You Now – Lady Antebellum
Single of the Year – Breakthrough Artist: Easton Corbin
Touring Headline Package of the Year – Carrie Underwood
Music Video of the Year – Hillbilly Bone – Blake Shelton w/Trace Adkins
Video of the Year – Male: Hillbilly Bone – Blake Shelton w/Trace Adkins
Video of the Year – Female: Cowboy Casanova – Carrie Underwood
Video of the Year – Duo or Group: Need You Now – Lady Antebellum
Video of the Year – Breakthrough Artist: Little MoreCountry Than That – Easton Corbin
Decade Award – Rascal Flatts
Video Visionary Award – Toby Keith
Greatest Hits Award – Alan Jackson

It’s blonde.  It’s blonde, and it’s an abomination.  Remember her hair before, her gorgeous red hair?  Yeah, I do too, and that’s why I’m going to have to go into mourning now*. Thanks a ton, Emma.

Fortunately, there are a couple of things that make this tragic change a little more ok:  she’s apparently naturally blonde (because genetics can be wrong too), and the switch is for her role in Spider-Man.  She’s playing Gwen Stacy, you know, and if she’s going to go and get killed and fuck poor Peter Parker’s world all to hell, then she’s going to have to be blonde to do it.

What do you guys think?  Are you as hurt as I am?

*I have an unhealthy attraction to the gingers in the world. Seriously, from my very first boyfriend with the surprise foot fetish to that awkward guy I briefly made friends with at a party last weekend, it’s redheads as far as the eye can see for me.