So the giant of goodwill, Usher, allowed one of his rabid fans up on stage at a performance in Madison Square Garden.  So nice of him, right?  Wait.  The lady was so stoked to be lounging on the same La-Z-Boy as her main man that she got overzealous, tried to pull off a sexy straddle, and ended up kicking Usher in the face with a big old boot. Adding insult to injury, the boot hadn’t been in style since 1992.

See? Karma is a total bitch, Ush. You bring Justin Bieber into this world, and this is precisely what you get. Don’t expect it to be the last, either, boy.

The kick is around the 5:23 mark – you can scroll through all of the early BS unless you’re one of The Ones Who Like Usher.

So I’d say on a scale from 1 being ‘not surprising at all,’ to 10 being ‘whoa, that fuckin’ came out of nowhere,’ this probably figures in around a 1 or even less.

Scarlett Johansson, one of my most favorite celebrity crushes of all time, has finally done what I wish she would have quite some time ago and cut the douche known as Ryan Reynolds free.  Sources say that the marriage just wasn’t working, and both had way different ideas as to where they wanted things to head.

I know that Reynolds was recently supposed to be ‘Sexiest Man in All Existence’ or whatever, but I don’t think he’s funny, I don’t think he’s attractive, and flatly, I think most of his movies – and character portrayals – suck.

That being said, this is why I’m not all that broken up about the news. Bottom line? Scarlett can do much better. Personally, I’d see her hook up with George Clooney, Brad Pitt, or Hugh Jackman – someone as elegant and talented and gorgeous as she is. Toothy Muscle-Milk McSquintface just wasn’t cutting it, and I’m glad girlfriend finally opened her eyes to it.  We all make mistakes sometimes, you know.  Now?  If she just gets rid of that dumb tattoo, too, we’d be in some real business.

Next!

Just in time for dinner, too. I’m not sure if I could be more repulsed if I tried – and I tried, guys. I tried so hard to scrub the branded image of a nekkid-from-the-waist-down Ke$ha in the throes of lust from my mind by attempting a half-assed fantasy involving Octo-Mom, Mel Gibson, Steve Buscemi, a link of sausage and a Snuggie, and even that couldn’t stack up to these photos which are now forever burned into the many intricate layers of my psyche.

I was going to make some shrimp scampi for dinner tonight, you guys, but after this? But I don’t know if shellfish is such a good idea after this – this could turn me off shrimp forever.

Jump in to see The Photo.

(more…)

“I loved the idea that Walt Disney had this dream of a place and then made it a reality. The fact that somebody believed in their idea so much to make it a reality… I want to be that kind of person. My mother still believes in Santa Claus. We tried to break it to her once, but she wasn’t having it.”

- My affirmed new favorite person, Ryan Gosling, touching on the topics of Disneyland and wishing upon stars.

Is there anything better than a guy with some whimsy?  Of course not.  Ryan Gosling talking about the importance of believing in your dreams, Zac Efron professing that he’s not the type of guy who wants to “bathe in pussy” – they’re all wondrous. There are precious, precious men out there who don’t chase hookers into the bathroom with their anger or sell naked pictures of their sleeping, unaware girlfriends.  Let’s get more of those.

[Warning: This may be disturbing for children/adults with the brains of children.]

Animator Edmund Earle spent his free time while working on Yogi Bear creating another, more creepy Yogi Bear project: This fake “alternate ending” in which Booboo kills his old pal Yogi. The animation is flawless (it’s hard to believe that Earle made this just for the thrill of it) and it’s totally compelling to watch. Not to mention seriously disturbing.

Don’t you kind of wish the movie really did end this way?

Nicki Minaj is a respectful and respectable young woman, but don’t mess with her.

Last night the rapper appeared on Chelsea Lately to plug her new album, “Pink Friday,” and while explaining how she teamed up with Eminem to do “Roman’s Revenge,” Chelsea rudely interrupted Nicki to say, “You’re going all Puerto Rican on my ass all of a sudden.”

Now, I don’t even know what that means. I don’t know if that comment was about Nicki’s accent or the names she was dropping or what. To me, the comment came off as racist because it was baseless and unrelated to anything that was going on. Apparently Nicki thought the remark was off-color as well because she responded by saying, “Chelsea! Sit your ass down!”

Chelsea laughed and the audience laughed, too. But they also did one of those murmur-y “Oooooh, shit!” things that audiences tend to do when someone starts sassing the host/is coming too correct for TV.