And from this photo,we’re supposed to feel all sorts of horrible for Heidi and her violently scarred and marred face and send gifts – in the form of traveler’s checks – to Heidi and Spencer’s compound in Costa Rica. Or, you know, send them even if you think Heidi and Spencer are complete shitbags anyway, because it’ll keep them occupied outside of US soil for a bit longer.

A year after her plastic surgery, Heidi has run out of money a feature story in Life & Style magazine, where she dishes on her mangled body including:

” … a series of unsightly scars, red inflammation and uneven body parts including: a 2-inch-long raised blemish under her chin from her chin reduction, two caterpillar-size bald spots along her hairline from a brow lift, a horrifying jagged line behind her ears from having her ears pinned back, lumpy legs and four spots left on her lower back and below the buttocks from botched liposuction, a bright-red mark inside her right nostril, uneven boobs, a stretched [sic] mark on her chest and deep scars around her nipples from a second boob job.”

So apparently it’s news that excessive plastic surgery = chronic suckitude. Guess I’ve been out of the loop on that one … how ’bout you guys?

Love it. It’s cute, you can tell she’s totally into Christmas, much like I am (no, seriously, I am probably the most into-Christmas-person you’ll ever meet – carols, volunteering for the local live Nativity, cookie baking weeks, wrapping presents, planning dinner menus, going to see lights, you name it – I’VE DONE IT ALL IN THE PAST THREE AND A HALF WEEKS, BITCHES). LeAnn took to her Twitter, naturally, to post the above photo for something Christmas-related in which she dressed up one of Mrs. Claus’s sexy alter-egos.

So yeah, apparently this is the post in which I brag about my mad Christmasing skills, but also the one in which I start a LeAnn Rimes pregnancy rumor.  Super!  Though girlfriend doesn’t look heavy by any means whatsoever, she sure is looking pretty sexy-curvy in that bust-and-hips area – and all first-time moms know that their bodies are smoking hot in the early months, what with all those crazy hormones filling out all the right places. Plus, she’s got that fabulous gleam in her eyes that doesn’t just have to do with Christmas.  Calling it now, guys.

I know I’ve said it before, but … Damn, LeAnn.

It doesn’t seem to matter that she’s over 100 days sober and cleaning up her act in a top rehab center because Lindsay Lohan seems to attract the wrong people no matter where she goes. Over the weekend, Lindsay’s rehab roomies threw a wild party in the private facility they were moved to for good behavior. When it was discovered that the actress’ roommates were drinking heavily, all of them were moved back to the main facility.

The Betty Ford Clinic is denying that the party ever happened and has said that they moved Lindsay back to the bigger building with more security because she needs intensive therapy. It’s kind of a shame that they wont cop to the truth because I think the public should know that Lindz is making good decisions and genuinely seems to be on the road to a full recovery.

OK. So we all have our feelings about Chris Brown – some hate him, some love him, some forgive him, and some even say that his violent physical rage against Rihanna was an entitlement (and what the fuck is wrong with you people – no one deserves to be hit you bunch of twats).

Chris has also kind of stayed out of the spotlight since the whole fucking-up-Rihanna’s-world thing, (with, you know, the exception of whining that his albums were suffering because people couldn’t get over the fact that he brutalized his girlfriend for the world to see)

And then he comes out and does this:

Yes. Posts his certificate of completion for participating in an anti-domestic violence class. On Twitter.  His mama must be so proud – maybe she can hang it next to the photo of her boy in the orange smock, who’s picking trash off of the side of the highway. … I mean come on guys. It’s nice, you know, his tweet and all about being ‘proud’ that he completed the (ahem, court-mandated) course, but I think flaunting the certificate that states ‘Yep, Chris Brown attended each and every single meeting and didn’t spend the entire time texting bitches on his phone’ is pretty classless, plainly, because it just screams ‘Attention! And more of it, motherfuckers!’

Just break it down – say a good non-celebrity friend of yours was busted for beating the hell out of his or her significant other. Imagine, obviously, the embarrassment and shame that both parties went through. You’d think that your friend would want to serve his or her time, learn a wicked valuable lesson, and pray like the hammers of hell that those around would be forgiving. What, then, would you think of your friend if he or she decided to post a photo of a domestic violence graduation on Facebook? Wouldn’t you think that the entire thing had been cheapened, and it was a last ditch effort at sucking the very last bit of attention through a busted straw? Yes, you would. Because it’s unnecessary. It would be in bad taste for your friend to do it, and it’s in even worse taste to do it from a place of celebrity, Chris Brown.

I’m glad that you’ve learned your lesson Chris, I really am. I hope you’ve taken forgiveness and forgiven yourself. I also hope to God that you never get to a place again where you resort to violence in any circumstances.

But what the fuck all over this story.

People.com is claiming that this is Paris Hilton’s Christmas card. I’m not sure if they found it on her website or Twitter or if she mailed it off to her favorite media outlets in addition to her manager and her weird aunts. Either way, it’s hilariously inappropriate. Like, if I didn’t believe that she was pulling one over on us this entire time, I would now. Who slaps a holiday message on what looks like a rejected boudoir shot and then shows it to the world? You’d have to either be a moron or a genius.

Anyway, what are you guys doing to make your holiday cards give everyone raging boners?

Do you recognize the lady in the photo? That’s Lisa Robin Kelly, the actress who played Eric’s big sister on the first five seasons of That 70s Show. Lisa hasn’t really been seen or heard from since leaving the show, but over the weekend she made quite the comeback… In mugshot form. The actress was arrested for driving under the influence and her mugshot is easily one of the worst we’ve ever seen. It’s on some Nick Nolte shit.

Click through to get a glimpse of the actress’ worst moment:

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