If you’re like a lot of people, you probably went out and celebrated Thanksgiving Eve with a night of debauchery and libations, hoping vaguely through muddy thoughts that you’re not too hungover the next day for the big eats and won’t puke on your plateful of Aunt Josie’s giblet stuffing which, ironically, looks much like your vomit. If you did, you weren’t alone. Some of my more … interesting memories have occurred on Thanksgiving Eve, and most of them I will probably never live down.

Kind of like our girl Tila Tequila. Tila, who is normally pretty demure, took her antics up a notch this past Wednesday evening at the House of Blues in LA, where she grinded and gyrated on top of Michael Lohan’s on-again, off-again girlfriend, Kate Major, who is apparently a good friend. And yes, we have the photos to prove it.

The evening was held in celebration to honor Kate’s birthday, along with Joslyn James’ and Gina Rodriguez’s. James, if you’ll remember, was one of the porn stars that got chummy with Tiger Woods’ pork sword, and Gina Rodriguez was the woman who allegedly had the affair with married Bones star, David Boreanaz.

And just when you thought the evening could get no trashier – Michael Lohan was also in attendance.

So if you’re still stuffed from yesterday, and the old finger-down-the-throat trick isn’t working to clear your gorge, just check out the photo featuring Tila whipping her greasy-assed hair around and that should just about do it.

So I was way too busy yesterday to be bothered with the likes of the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade, because I was up to my eyeballs in pie baking and ramming fistfuls of wet bread up a dead bird’s ass.  I was also a little distracted because I had to repeat everything three or four times due to the fact that everyone I spoke to kept saying, ‘Huh?’ after everything I said, and it wasn’t because I was quietly and reverently honoring the bird.  It was because last week’s monstrosity of a flu turned into a severe case of laryngitis and I. CANNOT. TALK.

So, yeah.  Thanksgiving – the act of being overtly thankful for something, or, according to my favorite Merriam-Webster definition (… what, and you don’t have one?), ‘a public acknowledgement or celebration of divine goodness.’

Me, I’m thankful that I have a job where I can roll out of bed, leave a whiz, brew up a quick latte and walk forty feet to my office, which is oh-so-conveniently located off my kitchen and don’t have to talk to anyone if I choose not to.  And I do.  Today.

I’m also thankful that Kanye is such an over-the-top douche, because he made the part of the Thanksgiving Day parade that I did see eternally entertaining. Gotta love those bedazzled and bedecked backup dancers shakin’ their groove thang to … Kanye.  On Thanksgiving.

In this groundbreaking interview from Funny or Die, Daniel Radcliffe reveals that this reality we’re living in is really a “split reality,” and that he actually is Harry Potter.  In fact, he identifies as a “wizard playing an actor.”  He talks about his work on his character of Daniel, and acknowledges that he’s defeated all those evil wizards.  Nowadays, Harry mostly “chills out a lot,” and talks up the ladies. It also sounds like he’s looking for a career as a professional Quidditch player. Exciting!

Well, now that Daniel/Harry has revealed this phenomenal news, I think I’m going to start planning on my move to England.  I know how to get on the Hogwarts Express, and I think I could really find my niche there.  If nothing else, I can beg on the streets of Hogsmeade.  What do you guys plan on doing with this remarkable revelation?

“Taylor never came to my defense at any interview. And rode the waves and rode it and rode it.”

- Kanye West, ranting about Taylor Swift’s behavior, during a surprise performance at NYC’s Bowery Ballroom.

I totally, 100% agree with Kanye West and I think you all need to get hip to his way of thinking.

Here’s the truth: After a year of her becoming the public’s lapdog and then condescending to him on national television with that rude-ass song she sang at the VMAs, a flat-out, “Yeezy’s not a bad dude, we’re cool,” would be the classy, right thing for her to do. It’s over a year later, he’s cried in interviews about how badly he feels about his actions and acknowledged his wrongness endlessly yet he’s still being villainized and harassed.

At this point, Taylor not publicly insisting to the public that she’s over what he did and probably a better person for it is like her way of torturing him. That leads me to believe that she’s comfortable playing the victim while actually getting everything she wants. And it’s that type of person who disgusts me the most.

Khloe Kardashian recently opened up about the experience of losing her virginity and the story is both sad and all too common. Here’s what Khloe said about the man she lost her virginity to:

“This guy was very, very manipulative, and I ended up losing my virginity to him when I was only 14. When my dad found out I was having sex, he went ballistic.

My mom taught me how to drive when I was 13, so if one of our baby sisters had an emergency I could drive to the hospital. But I took advantage of it. I used to steal her car or Bruce’s, and I’d go over to this guy’s house. He was a lot older than me, though he lied and said he was younger. Of course, I lied, too, and said I was 16. I was doing really well in school until I met him.

I was only 14, but I thought I was so mature, and I look back and see how wrong I was. Having sex for the first time is an extremely important decision that affects your whole life. … You should never, EVER have sex when you’re that young. Feeling rushed and pressured and unsure should have been my clue that I wasn’t ready to take that step.”

OK, so let’s get this straight: Khloe Kardashian didn’t just lose her virginity to this dude, it was a case of statutory rape. I mean, if we can assume that the dude was at least 18, which I think we can because she refers to him as “much older.” And Kris Jenner taught Khloe how to drive at age 13… for what? So she could drive a babysitter to the hospital in case of an emergency? The Kardashians don’t have the cash to foot the bill for an ambulance?

I’m trying not to judge too harshly because Khloe’s being brave about sharing this story, but like… No freakin’ wonder. No wonder those Kardashian girls act the way they do.

My favorite part of all the pre-Oscar hype is the “For Your Consideration” ads that are printed in all the trade magazines to try and woo Oscar voters. The reason is two-fold: These ads are the studio’s last shot at selling the shit out of their movie and it’s hilarious to see what awards they think they might be considered for. The Human Centipede wants Best Director? And there’s someone out there who thinks Johnny Depp deserves Best Actor for his turn as the Mad Hatter? And Due Date for best picture? I’m dead from laughing.

Which of these posters is your favorite and what films do you think have the best shot at taking home awards this year?