“Well, all is fair in love and war. A woman is always entitled to speak her mind, and that’s the way she speaks her mind. It’s always one person’s perspective, and one person’s perspective through hurt and fear, and anger. You’re going to get a pretty dark picture. We’re working things out, how about that? Have I jumped into dating? Suffice it to say, I am a very happy woman. Yes.”

- Melissa Etheridge responds to her ex-wife’s public complaints that she’s left her and the kids high and dry.

I kind of love that this is Melissa’s take on things, although I can see someone with this much clarity being somewhat of a manipulative psycho to deal with behind closed doors. I think that most people would probably freak out and give an equally unbalanced reaction back. Sure, her calmness freaks me out, but

Miley Cyrus and Liam Hemsworth are officially “off again”. A source close to Liam shared the news with People and said, “There was no drama. The relationship just ran its course. They were good friends first and remain friends.”

You may remember that the two started dating while filming the movie The Last Song. Last year it was widely rumored that Liam was the reason Miley shut down her Twitter page, although she denied those claims. This is, I think, their third time breaking up.

This has to be a tough time for Miley, who has seemingly had a boyfriend non-stop since she was 14. Her parents are getting divorced, she’s nearly 18 (which legally makes you an adult everywhere but really seems to make you an adult in Hollywood), and she’s single. Here’s hoping she has a good support system to help keep her sane right now.

And I can say with much honesty and conviction, that I can fully uphold my promise to maintain my end of that bargain.

However, American Idol contestants? Watch the fuck out, ’cause the Wedding Planner has got your number, and she-who-sleeps-next-to-Skeletor is not amused.

Lopez, who is one of the newest judges on the fastest-tanking reality show on television this season, claims that she’s enjoying her stint as the iron-fisted replacement for Simon Cowell, but you’re not scoring any points by warbling her songs better than she can:

“It [auditioning her songs] was cute, super entertaining and flattering, but no. They know we’re not out to cut them down or make a joke of them. We’re trying to mentor them to the next step.”

Don’t get me wrong. I actually love me some Jennifer Lopez. I wasn’t joking about the Wedding Planner reference; I actually love that movie. I watch it every time it’s on television, and I even own it on DVD. It’s all good, Jenny. But I definitely prefer you as an actress, as opposed to a musician. You might know music, and you might be able to carry a tune, but the music itself, man, is totally heinous.

With that being said, here’s a song to get you through the day. It is Friday after all. (Do look for the Ben Affleck cameo … it’s so worth it.)

Either that, or she’s fucking him, and this outfit was the first thing she could grab post-sex after her dipshit kilt-wearing dog decided to piddle all over Marilyn’s human skin carpet because it had never seen the fetid anti-Christ so up close and personal (and by ‘anti-Christ,’ I mean ‘Marilyn’s penis’).

Eh. You win some, you lose some, Taylor. Or dog.

And all on a Friday, too. Who sets this shit up, because I want their number.

Jessica Simpson is reportedly saddened by the fact that ex-husband Nick Lachey popped the question to long-term girlfriend Vanessa Minnillo this past weekend. According to Us Weekly, Lachey lavished Minnillo with an Asscher cut diamond ring, which reaffirmed their commitment to one another:

“We’re excited and incredibly happy about our engagement and we look forward to a wonderful future together.”

Nick’s official take on things?:

“I popped the question on bended knee. I do a lot of squats so my knees are very strong.”

Um, congrats, guys. Vanessa, I hope you know what you’re getting yourself into. Jess … well, just take it easy. Don’t do anything rash like shaving your head or eating an entire honey-glazed ham. You’ll get past this, girl.

The other couple set to race down the aisle? Apparently it’s – wait for it, wait for it – LeAnn Rimes and Eddie Cibrian. Yup. After their schmoopy-sweet interview that I posted yesterday (and even I have to admit … I was kind of touched in an odd sort of way after watching), E! online has confirmed the status change on their relationship:

Though it didn’t happen on Halloween, the recently divorced actor indeed popped the question recently and the duo are engaged, a source tells E! News.

Well hells bells, y’all. Congratulations to both of you, all of you. Some people say that there’s nothing greater than that old institution of marriage, so let’s hope it all works out and you guys can remain as happy as you apparently are in this moment now.

Keep it movin’, Gwyneth Paltrow.  Now that Shatner’s done his version of Cee-Lo’s “Fuck You,” there’s really nowhere else this song can go but down.  Besides, everybody knows that if anybody should be singing that song on Glee, it’s Mr. Schuester, so you ain’t foolin’ nobody no way.

But really, how lovely is Shatner’s cover?  I’m kind of in love with it.  I think that maybe it’s because my only other experience with William Shatner was when he was on Fresh Prince of Bel Air, remember, when he was a guest on Hillary’s talk show and Will and Carlton hung out with him and accidentally knocked his tooth out and they all went to the dentist and got high on the goofy gas? Probably one of the greatest moments in the history of television.

Add this one to the tomes, y’all, because Billy’s gone and done it again.