I’m thinking, ‘Eva Longoria takes her split with Tony Parker a bit hard, surrounds herself with former lovers.’

Or something. I don’t know. It’s not Eva Longoria – it’s actually LaToya Jackson, and that’s either a knock on Eva, or … sorry, Ms. Jackson.

So, before I even get into it, I have a story for you. My friend and I were headed to this drinking establishment in my hometown of Scranton, Pennsylvania (yes, home of The Office) and we were prepared to hit it hard with some friends that evening because we were celebrating an unceremonious breakup that was long, long overdue.

We got there early, took our place at the bar and asked for martinis. Almost immediately, we were approached by this odd-looking, burly man in his late thirties with weird, bleached, spiked hair a la Dexter Holland and a big nose, and a twisted scar on his cheek.  He stood there patiently, as if waiting for his turn, and as the bartender poured our drinks, the man practically screamed (in our faces), ‘Fifteen shots of Jameson … she don’t even know her name again. She’s got a boyfriend … and he’s always … cryin’ …’

The guy – apparently wasted – followed us around all evening (even after the rest of our friends arrived), chanting his ode to Jameson.  There was a lot more to his poem, but I can’t remember it and it’s way too early to text my friend to ask her about the other parts.

So, anyway, yeah. Pink wants to name her kid ‘Jameson,’ and I’m promptly and properly brought back to that night when my friend and I were practically (OK, literally) cornered by this odd, overbearing drunk man who thought that he was a poet laureate.

Good times, Pink.

Marina & The Diamonds called out the new PETA ad that makes light of the whole TSA body scan debacle and she made an interesting point: Why are these ads always filled with naked chicks? Whether they’re famous or not, PETA always uses female sexuality to hawk veganism.

This is the ad in question:

Marina added in a second Tweet, “Yeah, this is real… Where are the naked guys in these ads?!”

I don’t know if men appearing in the ads would “even the score.” It would be interesting if PETA developed a new marketing strategy that didn’t involve naked humans covering their bits with live animals.

Are you tired of the nudity in PETA ads?

The Kardashian sisters recently teamed up with MasterCard to release a new pre-paid “credit card” designed to help girls with their spending. Instead of learning the hard lesson of minding your credit score with a real credit card, you can enjoy the benefits of a cash-free world while only spending exactly what you have… Except now we’re learning that there’s some major flaws in the system in the form of huge fees.

From CNN:

While regular bank debit cards are typically free and don’t charge any fees, a 12-month Kardashian Kard costs $99.95 just to own, including a card purchase fee of $9.95 and 12 monthly fees of $7.95. After the first year, consumers must continue to pay the $7.95 monthly fee.

On top of these initial fees, it costs Kardashian Kard users $1 every time they add money to their card, and it costs $1.50 to speak with a live operator. If they want to pay their bills automatically using the card, they’ll be charged $2 per transaction.

In exchange, consumers can make payments online, over the phone or in stores without racking up credit card debt or overspending their checking accounts. That had made them increasingly popular among consumers who don’t qualify for credit cards, are fed up with skyrocketing interest rates or are young and just entering the world of plastic.

Uh, I can’t really see the practicality of a card like this unless you’re a rich person giving it to your 14-year old who probably doesn’t need to learn proper spending skills in the first place. Between the fees and the fact that no credit is being earned, it seems like the only perk you get is padding the Kardashian’s bank accounts.

Justin Bieber got his bangs trimmed and debuted the new style over the weekend. Although there were mixed reactions from fans on Twitter, he still manged to pack a record store in Madrid for a signing. Wow. Will Justin’s bright star ever fade? I’m beginning to think not.

What would Justin Bieber have to do to his hair for YOU to stop loving him?

Are you guys way excited about this?  You should be.  We’re going to see Anne Hathaway be gorgeous and perhaps attempt to discuss anal sex with James Franco, who will tragically be too preoccupied with carrying the show.  There will be stoner jokes, art jokes, hipster jokes, and jokes about whatever Anne Hathaway does (Jake Gyllenhaal’s penis?).*

Here’s the official announcement:

“James Franco and Anne Hathaway personify the next generation of Hollywood icons— fresh, exciting and multi-talented. We hope to create an Oscar broadcast that will both showcase their incredible talents and entertain the world on February 27. We are completely thrilled that James and Anne will be joining forces with our brilliant creative team to do just that.”

See?  Fresh and exciting, that’s exactly what I said.  Following this line of thought, I’m going to go ahead and predict that the Academy Awards in 2016 are going to be hosted by Justin Timberlake and Justin Bieber.  If I were you, I’d go ahead and mark your calendars.

*I don’t have anything against Anne Hathaway, it’s just that I feel like this is going to be James Franco’s Special Day.  It seems like everyone who’s ever watched a movie thinks he’s getting nominated for his work in 127 Hours, and meanwhile all Love and Other Drugs seems to be good for is screencapping Anne and Jake’s (NSFW) naughty bits.  Tough break for Anne, that’s all I’m saying.