From the busted weave to the exposed panties, it doesn’t really get more iconic Britney than this, does it?  Well, there are those haunting pictures of Britney with the shaved head, but let’s not go there right now.  We have other places to go right now.

Can someone school me on weaves real quick?  Why would Britney have gotten one in the first place if she so obviously can’t take care of it?  Is it because her own hair is so damaged by peroxide and shattered dreams?  Has she never heard of wigs or scarves or hats? And she can’t just take it out and have her own hair, right, she’d have to actually cut it out?*  It seems like such a vicious cycle that serves no one (except for gossip bloggers. Thanks, Brit!).

*These are all sincere questions.

Kelly Osbourne, who I have to whole-heartedly say is looking fecking sweet these days, is the latest cover model for Shape magazine – the magazine, if you’ll remember, who apologized recently for having LeAnn Rimes on its cover because they had second thoughts about promoting a homewrecker.

The, you know, far-less-controversial and always-angelic Kelly Osbourne, however, is a good fit for the mag’s cover this month, obviously, and it’s all due to her svelte new figure that she just can’t stop showing off.

On what inspired Kelly to lose the excess weight:

“I was called fat and ugly in the press almost my entire life. I understand that being judged by others comes with the territory, but it broke my heart and ruined my self esteem. It sets you up to hate yourself in a huge way. I was so angry about the things people said about me. I truly believe it’s the main reason I turned to Vicodin and ended up in rehab three times. I just hated myself.”

On figuring out what worked best for her body:

“He [her partner on Dancing With the Stars] made me eat turkey burgers and salads…Then I started losing weight and realized, ‘Oh, it’s true what they say: Diet and exercise really work!’?”

On how she feels about her body now:

“I used to eat chips and cookies and drink soda all day long … I had to start making better choices. [Now] I indulge with pizza and cheese—I love Brie—and have cookies sometimes. But now, when I’m full? I stop eating! It may have taken me 26 years to figure it out, but I’ve finally learned how to do it right.”

On being able to fit into sample clothing:

“Now every designer will send me anything that I want, and I can’t believe that I am in this situation. I opened up all of these zip bags last night from Marchesa — off the runway — and I can’t believe that it fits me.”

Good for you, Kelly.  You definitely deserve the – finally – good publicity.

See what happens? You play with Bristol Palin, you get burned, turned into a conservative Republican and renounce skeevy career-making sex.

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino is the latest face of abstinence for the Candies Foundation, along with former Dancing With the Stars costar, Bristol Palin, or who he lovingly refers to as B Palin.

I could just die.

I have no words.

Kids, if you’re taking abstinence or safe sex tips from The Situation, then boy, I don’t know what to tell you. You just better take cover, you unruly little bitches.

Apparently the NBA’s Tony Parker is yet another male celebrity that can’t keep it in his pants.

Parker, who married Eva Longoria about three years ago in a castle in Frahhhhnce, is being accused of cheating on the Desperate Housewives star, and friends of Eva claim that she’s about a minute away from filing an official petition for divorce.

You know, I get that people are human and things happen whether they should or not, but come the fuck on. If you have a history or a habit of hopping into bed with randoms – though you’re in one of those ‘committed’ relationships – why even bother tying the knot? You’re only screwing your spouse down the road (merely in one manner of speaking) and putting yourself through public turmoil that’s probably not all that fun. Get with it, dude.

I’ll be honest – when these two married three years ago, I was like, ‘Yeah, let’s see how long this one lasts.’ Not that I’m, you know, any kind of marriage clairvoyant or anything, but this one just seemed doomed from the beginning, do you feel me?

Should be interesting to see how this story unfolds.

Rich from FourFour, who is a total genius, put together this clip of Taylor Swift’s surprised reactions from various award shows over the past couple years and it’s pretty hilarious. I don’t know if I’ve ever noticed that Taylor is so easily thrown for a loop, but the video evidence of this goes on forever.

ABC has this new show that they’re filming called Obese, and it follows eight severely overweight people as they try to lose a significant portion of weight from home. Only problem with taking eight really super fat people and telling them to shed pounds for money? They’re desperate, obviously. Desperate to lose the weight and desperate for the cash. Don’t we live in a fun world?

Apparently one of the eight contestants, 25-year old LaRhonda Darby, was rushed to the hospital in Oklahoma City this weekend due to severe dehydration. LaRhonda was taking water pills, you guys. Water pills aren’t a joke. I took them for two weeks a couple years ago and I’d wake up every morning feeling like my body was made out of bones and dry seaweed. Not cute.

I dunno, I’m pretty tired of seeing these kinds of shows. I just think that they’re more disrespectful than they are inspirational, and if these people are motivated by money and prizes and not their health, I doubt that whatever weight they loose will stay off for good. It seems like they’re almost mocking people who are essentially handicapped.