No, unfortunately not (yet), but I’ll bet you wish she was so she’d go away and be a bank teller or something, right?

Insiders close to Kate have confirmed to several media outlets that Kate has, and I quote, ‘gone through millions.’ As in earned the cash (though that’s truly, truly debatable), turned around, and pissed it away. Atta girl, way to set the example for those around you, you down-home gal. From Popeater:

“Kate lives like she is a movie star,” a friend tells me. “She flies first class and stays at the most expensive hotels and spends money on herself like it’s going out of fashion. Remember, this is a woman who once spent $7,000 on a haircut!

“Kate was hoping to get paid to endorse a bunch of products. She thought she would earn millions by advertising baby carriages, food and cloths, but no one wanted her. The poor thing even thought she would get a deal with Cover Girl after being on ‘Dancing With The Stars,’ instead they went with Beyonce.”

And with eight mouths to feed — not to mention the new expense of having a home tutor for two of the kids — the bills keep piling up. “Kate is so worried about her finances that she’s even thinking about getting a real job,” an insider tells me.

Damn, guys. A real job. This could get real serious, real fast. I’d hate to see the mood she’d be in if she were forced to get a haircut at SuperCuts or Haircuttery or something. I don’t think this part of the planet could survive the fallout.

“Eva and I have been discussing our situation privately. I was aware that she would be filing for divorce in Los Angeles. … I did not file for divorce in Texas and did not hire divorce attorneys in either Texas or California. We plan to continue to keep our discussions of this matter private.”

So, OK. Apparently, Eva’s public reaction wasn’t entirely on the mark, considering that Tony says that the two were planning to file for divorce anyway. The way that the media spun it made it sound like Eva stole Tony’s phone, left the house, and whipped it out in front of TMZ cameras to ‘check’ on who her man’s been texting, only to find – surprise, surprise – that he had a relationship with another woman.

Oh well. Lame, I know. But I’m battling the biggest flu of my life, and despite the fact that I’m sick as hell and even my toes and fingertips ache, here I am bringing you sub-par celebrity gossip today.

Anne Hathaway and Jake Gyllenhaal apparently spend a great deal of time naked in their new movie Love and Other Drugs, so naturally they’re going to get naked while promoting it as well. Well, not naturally, actually. I feel like I’ve seen plenty of actors promote movies where they’re in the buff for a good portion of it while keeping their clothes on, but hey! You know, good for them. Good for them for being so comfortable with their bodies.

Anywhodickie, the pair have three covers of Entertainment Weekly coming out. Which ‘naked + content’ copy are you going to pick up?

Hey, Harry Potter Brains (is that what Harry Potter fans call themseves? Like Twihards? I’m not sure, that’s just my guess.) Have you seen this gem floating around your Internets yet?

MTV news interviewed all of those adorable Harry Potter kids (they’ll always be children to me, you can suck it) and asked them to read some “American” phrases (stuff like “The Olive Garden” and “Boo-yah!” and other stupid shit that makes people in our country sound dumb and frivolous) to test their ability to do our accent. Emma Watson’s American accent was shockingly bad, while Rupert Grint’s was pretty impressive. Daniel Radcliff’s could have used some work, too.

Who did you think was the most convincing?

Saturday Night Live has had an unusually solid season this year in terms of their host and musical guest picks and the recently announced upcoming hosts are no exception.

Lindsay Lohan was originally going to host the December 4th show, but that’ll be pretty hard to do from the Betty Ford Center. Scheduled in her place is Robert DeNiro and musical guest Diddy-Dirty Money. After that it’ll be Paul Rudd and Paul McCartney, then Jeff Bridges and Eminem. Anne Hathaway and Florence and the Machine were announced for the November 20th show earlier this week.

Is it absolutely insane that I’m holding out for them to announce Nicki Minaj as both the host and the musical guest for a show later this season?

You know how sometimes a person will say things, maybe in an interview like this but in everyday life as well, and you just get this overwhelming sense of “wow, person, you’re a total tool,” and sometimes you realize that he’s actually a good person who just doesn’t understand how to interact with people, and sometimes he’s just a dick?  Yeah, Matthew Morrison (Glee, you guys) did an interview with Details, and right now he’s in that first category.  I’ll show you guys some excerpts and you let me know what you think.

Matthew’s important points: When we first met, after a recording session, Morrison was holding a sheet of yellow lined paper on which he’d scrawled notes about what he wanted to mention during our interview. “It’s pretty amazing being me,” he said breezily. “Write that down.”

On being super attractive: “I’m not comfortable with the idea of my sex appeal, but I know in my job I have to use it. I wish I could say I got to this point in my career based on my talent, but I don’t think that’s true.”

On his younger coworkers: “I am a teacher to them,” Morrison says of the younger castmates he refers to as “the kids.” “I’ve taken a few under my wing. I don’t want to say they idolize me, but…” he trails off, realizing how this might sound. He’s careful about what he says and wishes some of his colleagues were a little less publicity-driven. “Yeah, I find myself learning a lot from the set. I do look at stuff people on the show are doing, and I don’t judge them, but I question it. I say to myself, keep quiet. Fame, you know, it’s like a handgun—in the wrong hands, it’s dangerous.”

On relationships: “I’m not a good friend right now. I’m not a good boyfriend. It’s not that I’m selfish. I’m just focused.”

A bonus story about Lea Michele’s diva tendencies: Everyone’s looking over their lines now, rehearsing dance steps— except Lea Michele, who keeps staring at me as I observe Morrison. Every time I look up, I catch her looking my way. It seems she knows I’m a reporter and wants my attention. When Morrison brings over a laptop to show me a movie treatment he’s been working on, Michele crosses the set, stands next to me, and starts talking to the show’s publicist. “I have a lot of interviews to do,” she says. “There’s that AIDS blast and…” She turns to look at me. “Oh, hi.” Within minutes the publicist asks me to leave the set. I’m a distraction.

Even though Lea Michele is kind of ruining Glee for me with her ridiculous singing faces and general demeanor, that last little story still cracks me up.  But this isn’t about her, this is about Matthew “I don’t want to say they idolize me, but …” Morrison. What do you guys think – douchebag or just an awkward guy?