On November 23, 1987, a gift was given to this world.  That gift was Nicole Polizzi, and nearly 23 years later, she’s still giving. Specifically, she’s giving many of you a headache and a sense of hopelessness for the youth of America..

Regardless, Snooki found time to celebrate her birthday in Manhattan last night, and it looks like she had a fabulous time.  I think that little patch of blonde she has in her hair is stupid, but otherwise I am loving her ensemble.  I believe that any day you can call your special day, you should do whatever you damn well please.  Like JWoww could be like “is that tiara a bit much, Snooks?” and she could be like “I’m wearing what I want, it’s my special day, waaah!”  Or the bartender could be like “I’m not sure if this fourth shot of tequila is the best idea, ma’am,” and she’d be totally within her rights to say “relinquish your liquor, sir, for it is my special day” (ok, she’d probably do the “waaah” thing again, but you get where I’m going with this).

Happy birthday, Snooki!  You have so many special days ahead of you!

“His preference is Middle Eastern or guys with dark features. His taste has changed over the 15 years that I’ve seen him visiting spas. First he strictly liked black guys. For the longest time if you weren’t black, he didn’t want you. Then he was into Middle Eastern men. Then it was Mexicans and other Hispanic guys. Then he moved on to Koreans. I guess he doesn’t have much of a preference any more.”

- Robert Randolph, author of You’ll Never Spa in This Town Again, on John Travolta’s taste in men.

I mentioned this book a while back, and it still hasn’t been released, but Randolph had quite the (NSFW) chat with Gawker.  That little quote above is by far the tamest excerpt – I didn’t want you guys to unwilling glance over one of the quotes explicitly mentioning Travolta’s dick – but it still makes me smile.  Randolph seems like such a catty man, doesn’t he?

By the way, he says that the National Enquirer gave him a lie detector test on the subjects of Travolta and spas, and he totally passed. So either he’s telling the truth or he’s a sociopath.  You go ahead and make an educated guess.

Well, run and get yourself a glass of wine and a box of chocolates, because you’re about to need some comfort.

If you’ll remember, filming for Inferno was scheduled to begin in August, but their star, Lindsay, had to go and spend some time in jail and then rehab.  When she was released, the producers decided to move the whole shebang from Louisiana to L.A., just to accommodate Lindsay and her probation.  Basically, ever since Lindsay went to jail back in July, there’s been a continuous “we promise we’ll wait for you!” from everyone involved with Inferno, but it looks like they can’t wait forever, and Lindsay’s been let go.

Tough break for Lindz, but it’s probably for the best.  I know she’s had money woes and this movie was supposed to jump start her career, but come on now.  It can’t be good to leave your fifth (I think) stint in rehab and jump right into a porn star’s biopic.  That doesn’t seem like the healthiest road to recovery, right?

If not, big mistake.  I mean, I didn’t watch it either, but at least we’re all here together right now, right?

Yesterday was Oprah’s annual Favorite Things episode – you know, the one where she gives away tons of stuff to everybody in the audience – and since this is Oprah’s last season, it was a pretty big deal.  Like, it was “paramedics are on standby because somebody could have an aneurysm” big deal.

The audience members got stuff like a diamond watch, a 3D TV, some cool shoes, a sweater, and a Caribbean cruise.  And all that’s great, it really is, but the absolute best part of this whole thing is watching people absolutely flip their shit for a straight hour.  In the video above, grown ass men fall to their knees in tears.  This one woman almost rips her hair out.  These people make Justin Bieber fans look tranquil, and I love it.

Here’s another video, and it’s not embeddable, but you can watch audience reactions throughout the show, including Oprah’s little smug smirk and nod when they reveal the cruise.  I guess the holidays are really upon us.

The Olsen twins made a trip to LAX, and I guess Mary Kate was off being eccentric or something, because the focus was definitely on Ashley.  Well, Ashley and her awesome dog.  Rightly so, because these pictures are wonderful.  The one on the stairs where the dog is looking straight at the camera, all chill-like, is the new background on my computer.

By the way, do you recognize the dog?  You should, because I’m pretty sure you saw it back in April.  It’s cool if you missed it though, I’d understand.  Ashley’s beautiful boyfriend, Justin Bartha, was in the same photograph, and you can always get a free pass for Justin Bartha.

First there was the guy who shot his TV thanks to Bristol, and now this.

Here’s how yesterday went down over at the CBS studio, home of the travesty that is Dancing with the Stars.  The postman came to drop off the day’s mail, including a bit of fan mail for Bristol.  A staff member opened the letter, and do you know what was inside? Why, it’s the one thing that everyone hopes to find in mail from a stranger:  mysterious white powder!

The building was evacuated and the LAPD and the FBI showed up to investigate, and do you know what it was, you guys?  It was just talcum powder!  Some sweet but absent-minded fan probably just wanted to make sure Bristol’s baby didn’t get diaper rash!  Isn’t that just so nice?!

But seriously, I’m sure Bristol is doing terribly on Dancing with the Stars, and I’m sure that’s upsetting some viewers, but there’s a line between “dedicated fan” and “fanatic,” and I think we all know which category “causing an anthrax scare” falls under.