Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Levi Johnston Discusses His Political Platform on The View

Just kidding, he doesn’t really discuss his platform.  Because he doesn’t have one.  Because he has no business being in any position that would require him to have a political platform.

If you’ll remember, Levi Johnston announced back in August that he was planning on running for mayor of Wasilla, Alaska, so the boy’s actually had two months to consider his political stances.  But really, regardless of how long he’s been planning on running for mayor, if a person announces that he plans on running for a political office, within a few seconds of that announcement, he should probably be able to state some ideas, just based on the fact that most people think about things.  For example, “I’m running for mayor and I hope to plant some trees,” or “I’m running for mayor and if elected, I plan on allocating roughly half the budget to preparing for the zombie apocalypse.”  Both of those things sound better than Levi’s response.

And if Levi’s response didn’t make him sound like enough of a dumbass child, one of the ladies of The View simply responded with “oh, Levi” in that special pitying tone.  It’s the same tone that my mother used when I was nine and decided that I wanted to use various soaps and perfumes and cleaning solutions to make my own perfume, and when it didn’t end up smelling too great, decided to instead test how flammable it was, and it’s definitely the same tone that she used when I drunk dialed her last year to let her know that I was going to go watch porn with this guy I just met right after I laid on the lawn and pretended to be in Fern Gully.  It’s the sad sort of resignation that’s only reserved for those situations when you really have nothing else to say to a person besides an “oh” followed by his name.

“Oh, Levi” indeed.

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