Hilary Duff is guest starring on an upcoming episode of Community (never seen it, but I loooooove Donald Glover’s rapz), and like every time an actress with a reputation for being sweet does a guest part on a show, she’s playing the bitch. C’mon. It’s so true. I can already hear her explaining the part on a giggly Leno interview: “It’s fun playing the mean girl because that’s so not me. It was a real challenge! It was so hard to look at those actresses and say those things because I like them so much!”

Ugh.

Anyway, here’s a sneak preview of Hilary on the show. I can’t tell if she sucks at acting or if I’m just really tired of this high school lady bully character.

One thing that did make me laugh? This line: “Why name your daughter Megan? Are you stocking up for a bitch shortage?”

I am obsessed with Teresa from Real Housewives of New Jersey, mainly because I love her relationship with her husband Joe. The two have known each other since the day Teresa was born, their families are from the same Italian village and his motto is “happy wife, happy life.” They have one of those marriages that (despite all their money issues) seems too good to be true.

THAT’S CAUSE IT IS, MOTHERFUCKERS! According to Life & Style, Joe’s been frequenting strip clubs and doing sketchy things around ladies for some time now:

According to a former dancer at Showoffs strip club in West Orange, N.J., Joe was a regular at the strip club before it was closed in 2006 amid accusations of prostitution. “He was always up for a lap dance,” reveals the insider. “There was a lot of hanky-panky that went down in the club’s basement,” the insider tells Life & Style. “If you had money, you could get pretty up close and personal with the strippers.”

Joe was also allegedly a loyal patron of Latin Bar in Paterson, N.J. “There was one particular waitress Joe really liked there,” recalls the insider. “She was from the Dominican Republic, about 5 feet tall with big breasts and long, dark hair. Joe would always make sure that wherever he was, he could be back in Paterson on a Friday night so he could see her.”

Back at his former real estate development office, Joe’s attention to the ladies also raised eyebrows. With Teresa nowhere in sight, he developed a very close relationship with a young female staffer who, says a onetime assistant, Joe suddenly hired despite the fact that she “didn’t seem qualified.”

*Tear* This is the saddest news of the day, for sure.

Rihanna was the musical guest on last night’s Saturday Night Live, but her appearance in this Digital Short killed me.

Rihanna teamed up with Andy Samberg’s character Shy Ronnie to rob a bank and narrated the entire thing in a Randy Newman-esque fashion. Of course Shy Ronnie is about as good at sticking up a bank as you think he would be (he sucks, yo) and he sabotages the entire thing, but that doesn’t mean Rihanna aka Clyde was going to leave empty-handed.

Now can Rihanna host her own episode, plz?

This morning I read that Mel Gibson has “donated” $9.6 million to his Holy Family Church, bringing the church’s net worth to $60 million. Who cares if the bigoted woman-hater wants to throw some money into his weird-ass cult? Well, probably like, the State of California and the government and everyone who benefits from taxes because, dude… Mel’s donation to his own church is tax deductible.

Obviously there’s nothing that can be done because once you start infringing on some people’s rights to make tax-free donations to their places of worship, it becomes like, a whole thing where we’re all throwing down like Northern Ireland on the regular… But still, y’all. Mel’s mad shady. With a congregation of about 100 people. What’s all that money going toward?

It’s not the greatest time for Mel to be making large donations, either. Homebro is getting sued by his former lover and baby mama for not handing over mere 20k in child support and his ex-wife Robin, who was always listed as a member of his church’s board in their yearly filings, was left off this year.

What a shady man.

Last night some of the saddest names in show business gathered together to celebrate Halloween at the Barker Hanger in Santa Monica. I went to a Barney’s warehouse sale there once. I got a pair of jeans I never wear. What a mistake.

Anyway, the event was the 17th Annual Dream Halloween. I covered this event last year, too, and I’m starting to think that this may be my favorite charity function of the year. Not because the proceeds benefit AIDS, but because nothing else delivers the goods. It’s Halloween! I want Jodie Sweetin dressed up as Death, Jamie Lee Curtis as a cheerleader (LOL), and photos of Tori Spelling working it in a male peacock costume. Forget Heidi and Seal’s party. Lists A-C can shove it. I live for the Dream Halloween event. Live for it!

I just remembered that Sarah Palin’s Alaska is soooo close to coming into our lives, you guys. The TLC site has a bunch of pictures and videos up, and while neither make me respect Sarah Palin or the state of Alaska, I still think this is going to be must-see TV. You have to click over to the TLC site to see it, but there’s a clip of of Sarah scaling some mountain and the whole time she’s like, “Ugh! Ehhhh! God help me!”

And I was like, “LOL!!!!”

It’s really a shame that this whole “Sarah Palin existing and being known to us” thing has gone on for so long, but I’m glad that the freak at least settled on reality TV instead of politics. It’s where she’s always belonged.