Emma Watson, or Hermione Granger of Harry Potter fame, if you’re a nerd like me, was caught short in pajamas earlier this week when her college dorm at Brown University was evacuated for a tripped fire alarm. While everyone was okay, Emma seemed kind of perturbed that she’d been ushered outside in her motherland-proud t-shirt and bedhead.

In related news, Kristen Stewart is reportedly wigging that Emma is trying to steal away her man, Robert Pattinson. Emma, who starred alongside Pattinson in Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire has been slated to play opposite Pattinson in upcoming flick Dark Arc. Heat Magazine states:

The two actresses are ‘at war’ over Rob, with Stewart living in fear that Emma ‘is after’ her Twilight co-star lover. A source told the celeb gossip mag: “Like all girls, Kristen can be very jealous and possessive, and in her mind Emma poses a threat. Rob has commented before on how cute he thinks Emma is and Kristen worries that he would have more in common with her because she’s British.”

Yeah, but he smells. And I can’t imagine our virginal, sweet, and clean Hermione Granger shacking up with someone who reeks to high heaven no matter what they look like, but maybe that’s just me.

Image courtesy of TMZ

Lil Wayne called into that new MTV show The Seven from jail, and you guys! It’s so nice to hear his voice again!

Here’s what he said:

• Duh he had a number one single while he was in the clink, he recorded a bunch of stuff before he went in so we wouldn’t have to miss him too much.
• He’s gotten over a million letters and he gets to keep them all when he goes home.
• The first thing he wants to do when he’s released is hug and kiss his kids. The second, he claimed, was not suitable for television audiences.

Why haven’t more shows been doing this? The dude gets an hour of phone time a day. Check in with us more often, Weezy! We miss you.

I just saw that Bling Ring Queen Bee, Alexis Neiers is planning on writing a book and I was all, “Where can I buy a copy and will she be doing a signing at The Grove Barnes & Noble?”

Then I continued to read and was very disappointed to find out that homegirl thinks she’s going to write a fiction jumpoff.

From TMZ:

The description, we’re told, reads in part: “Think Gossip Girl goes to Hollywood — It is a cautionary tale as well as a guilty pleasure; the reader is plunged into the crazy, out-of-control world of one of Hollywood’s most infamous party girls.” Oddly, no mention of her being an ex-con.

Guuuuurrrrl. No! NO! I will not stand for this. The only book that Alexis Neiers needs to write is her memoirs. I want to read the memoirs of a barely legal burglar from a wealthy family and that’s all I want to read.

That’s the rule in general for celebrity books. I want to read whatever that famous person thinks is the most balanced, honest and interesting representation of themselves and then I want to laugh at it. Jennifer Love Hewitt’s dating book is like, off the chains insane. And have you read Tori Spellings books? Bitch is on one. You know whose memoirs I really enjoyed, though? Faith Evans. She had a ghostwriter and it read a little bit like she was trying to do a Maya Angelou impression, but there was some solid stuff in there.

While were here, does anyone have any good celebrity memoir recommendations for me?

Johnny Depp was photographed while shooting some scenes for the fourth installment of the Pirates of the Caribbean series, and while I personally couldn’t give a shit, I’m sure that millions of you do. You’d have to, right? I mean, that’s why they’re making a fourth one of these extremely high budget movies despite the fact that Orlando Bloom and Keira Knightly aren’t even returning, correct?

Where’s my Three Men and a Baby follow up that I was promised?

Photo via TMZ

I love fashion.  Not so much in a “check out this designer, isn’t he so similar to this designer?” way, more in a “this skirt is adorable, this fabric is awful, look at how horrible the construction is on this dress” way.  I like to look at clothes, I like to make clothes, and on a different note, I absolutely adore talking smack.  So understandably, whenever two celebrities (however loosely defined that term may be) wear the same dress, I get excited.

In an extremely fortunate series of events, Kim Kardashian wore this dress out to dinner and then Khloe thought it was super cute and snatched it up to go out on the town just a few days later.  I’m calling this “extremely fortunate” because this is such a good example of the fact that not all dresses are flattering on all ladies.  Kim is about to straight bust out of that dress while Khloe just looks kind of lumpy (and somewhat reminiscent of gruel).  Maybe this dress is for no one, Kardashian sisters.

What do you guys think?  Does this dress belong with Khloe or with Kim or, as I’d hope you’d answer, with neither?  Please don’t let me down, dear readers.

Ah, it seems like rather recently that power couple Lamar Odom and Khloe Kardashian were tying the knot as young, naive celebrities. … Oh, wait. Fuck. It was just recently, as in a year ago.

Anyway, the couple who have still yet to procreate despite constant ‘bump watches’ and false ‘confirmations,’ celebrated their one-year wedding anniversary yesterday, complete with vow renewals. The ceremony was put together by Odom as a surprise for his blushing bride, and it took place at Irving Azoff’s private residence in Beverly Hills. Azoff is an executive in the music business and a long-time friend of Odom.

Khloe, who still can’t count despite the fact that she’s a big girl now, takes to her blog to thank her husband for making the day great and says that she’s looking forward to celebrating their ’80th wedding anniversary’ together:

“I can’t believe it has ONLY been a year. My life has changed so much and I, as a person, have changed even more. I have never been happier, never been so at peace, never been so in love. Happy anniversary to the love of my life! Thank you for everything you have given me. I love you. I can’t wait for our 80th wedding anniversary!!”

Aww. The ‘Squatch is in lurve.  But yup — congratulations to the happy couple. May you have many more years together!