And by ‘eat my hat,’ I clearly mean ‘eat a gun,’ but didn’t think it was entirely appropriate to blast the words EAT A GUN! in the headline of this post. I mean, some of you are at work, and a headline of such nature would surely attract the boss’s attention (unless you are the boss, and in that case, kudos to you). I’m not looking to get anyone fired today, you know.

Anyway, Celebrity-Gossip.net is reporting that Kat Von D just might be pregnant, and the father of said zygote is none other than Jesse James. I mean, yeah, Von D could very well be carrying the child of Michelle “Bombshell” McGee, because I’ve heard that Nazi reproductive organs can do some pretty creepy telepathic things, but I’m sort of doubting that.

What are they basing their speculation upon, you’re wondering? The apparent “baby bump” that Von D was sporting when the couple went public with their hand-holding and sloppy-smooching last week, which we covered here at EB.

But me?  Nah.  I don’t think it’s a baby bump. I think Kat just likes to eat entire cans of Pringles (ranch, notably, as they’re my favorite and fuck, this is my half-baked explanation) on the couch while she and Jesse play Scrabble and Sudoku night in and night out.

Your thoughts — is Kat carrying the spawn of Satan Jesse, or is the absurd rumor mill at it again? Check out the photos and decide for yourself.

Late yesterday afternoon, Rich Cronin of LFO passed away after suffering a stroke as a result of his lengthy battle with leukemia. Cronin was diagnosed with a rare form of leukemia in 2005 after suffering bouts with exhaustion and headaches. After going into remission in 2006, Cronin founded the Rich Cronin Hope Foundation, which was intended to bring awareness to the disease, and encouraged people to donate blood and bone marrow to those suffering it. Cronin was in remission for four years after relapsing earlier this summer. He was 35 years old.

Let’s take a moment to pay homage to the writer of “Summer Girls,” the man who started the Jennifer Love Hewitt fascination back in the late nineties, and an all-around good guy.

RIP, Rich.

Because it’s not 2010 without covering Lady Gaga’s “Bad Romance.” You know, I was a fan of JGL before the revival hit earlier this year — I didn’t, you know, want to bang him or anything, because he kind of struck me as a cute, cuddly teddy bear that, despite numerous pleas, would only ever be “just a friend,” but I rather enjoyed him in Third Rock From the Sun, one of the best sitcoms ever in my humble opinion, and yes, he was rather assertive in Halloween: H20, but for crying out loud, I was a teenager when that came out, so of course I was paying more attention to Josh Hartnett back then anyway. Plus, he ended up with an ice skate in the face, and that’s always problematic when finding someone attractive.

Anyway.

Here’s for all of you Joseph Gordon-Levitt fans. I think I’m going to mosey on over to eBay to see if I can get 3rd Rock on DVD. With some free shipping, maybe. Wish me luck!

I’m so, so sorry for the inconvenience, and I’m working my little butt off to try to figure out how to get them back up. In the meantime, your angry tirades can go directly to me at evilbeet@gmail.com. It’s cool. I deserve it.

Ok, so here’s how this happened.  I was on the phone with my BFF last night, talking about spiders or Supernatural or something, when she stopped and was like “Emily.  Emily, listen.”  And then she told me this beautiful story, which I, in turn, am sharing with you guys.

Billy Ray Cyrus and his son, Trace (that guy up there hugging on Miley that used to be in Metro Station, and also a beautiful douchebag) are working on a new reality show where they “investigate conspiracy theories involving unexplained activity and paranormal phenomena.”  The show is called UFO:  Unbelievably Freakin’ Obvious, and here’s what ol’ Billy Ray had to say about it:

“Getting the opportunity to take this adventure with my son, who has always had a keen interest in this area, is a dream come true,” said the country music star. “I hope this series can shine a light on some of the activities we have questioned, and the mysteries that have long inspired us.”

So from what I’ve gathered, Billy Ray and Trace are going to road trip around the country, hitting up Roswell and Amityville and the like, trying to figure out how to work EMF meters and chattin’ up locals for no discernible reason.  Hopefully their research can unlock some secrets about the paranormal, but even if it doesn’t, I am still unbelievably freakin’ excited about this show.

I wasn’t sure how I felt about Taylor Momsen for a while.  With the whole “my vibrator and I are BFF” thing, I was like “well, good for you, Taylor.”  With the “reinventing rock and roll” business, I was like “oh, Taylor, you do sound earnest.”  She’s kind of like this girl I used to know back when I was helping out with the Teen Book Club at the library who got a tattoo of a pentagram with a goat head inside of it because she just really, really embraced Satanism:  it’s kind of sweet that she feels so strongly about it, but there’s a pretty good chance she’s going to feel silly about it in a few years.

Anyway, here’s the latest in Taylor’s zany ways:

“Taylor loves setting things on fire, so this is great. Taylor thinks we’re some rock ‘n’ roll badasses,” guitarist Ben Phillips told Heat.

“In the studio, there was this pit where the owner would burn stuff. We’d burn old keyboards, computers, stuff them full of TNT and set them on fire. Taylor loves fire.

“I shouldn’t say this. One morning, Taylor got into the studio really early – she’d just had her dog neutered and brought in the bits. Which she then burned. We were grossed out.”

Now, the part about loving fire is cool, I like to burn shit.  But I think that anytime your brain generates the thought “set dog’s testicles on fire,” regardless of whether or not you do it or where said testicles are located or pretty much any other circumstance, that’s probably a sign that you should reconsider what you’re doing.  Some things are never ok.  Burning testicles is never ok.

Also, how great is it that her guitarist states that Taylor thinks they’re badasses?  He’s like “yeah, I’m just playing some music with this chick from Gossip Girl or whatever, and she’s trying to be like a fuckin’ visionary but I’m just trying to get paid.”  It would almost be sad if it weren’t so amusing.