Women choose to have children for lots of reasons.  Sometimes a woman feels like she has a familial obligation.  Sometimes a woman feels like she was simply born to be a mother.  And sometimes, a woman feels like a baby will keep her out of jail and rehab.  Guess which one of these categories Lindsay Lohan falls under?

Here’s the original report from In Touch:

Despite her recent legal issues — and recent reports that while driving she allegedly clipped a stroller with a toddler in it — Lindsay Lohan wants to be a mom! The star has confided to a pal that she’s determined to stay sober and thinks the best way for her to achieve that goal is to get pregnant. According to the pal, Lindsay, 24, hates being alone and thinks a baby would make the perfect companion. She’s seen what motherhood has done for former party girl Nicole Richie and thinks it can do the same for her. “She needs to be around someone nearly 24 hours a day,” the pal says. “She thinks having a baby could straighten out her life.”

If I were to make a list of people who shouldn’t be reproducing right now, it would be like “my 20-year-old cousin who already has three kids and can’t get her tubes tied because you have to be 21 in Tennessee to have that procedure and can’t use contraception because she’s dumb, my roommate from my sophomore year of college who told her boyfriend things like ‘You can’t break up with me!  God told me that we would be together forever!  Don’t make God a liar!’ and most of all, Lindsay Lohan.”

Can you imagine how crazy it would be if Lindsay Lohan had a child?  It would be like Britney Spears, but to the max.  Lindsay doesn’t have a father who would take charge of her life or a mom who could watch the kids when need be.  She doesn’t even have her own Kevin Federline.  The kid would just be one more human for the Lohans to twist and warp.  And that is sad.

Ellen DeGeneres, one of the coolest cats on the planet, was photographed last night working her fierce runway tactics (I always thought the word ‘tactic’ was funny, because if you split it in half and reverse it, you get ‘tictac.’ And I love Tic Tacs. Especially the orange ones. They’re the best) for the Richie Rich Spring 2011 fashion show in New York City.

First, on the pictures, isn’t Ellen just the most adorable thing on the face of the earth? The answer to that question would be ‘yes.’ Second, they’re doing the Spring 2011 now? Like, when most people haven’t even thought of what their winter wardrobes will consist of? The answer to that question would be ‘what the hell.’ But hey, this is the high fashion world, and I am not a part of it. And for that, I am thankful — though I love Ellen a lot, I’d kill myself before wearing a tiny hat like hers.

“When I talk about my husband [Brian Austin Green], I feel as if people roll their eyes. It’s like when you’re 16 and order a martini, and the waiter says, ‘Do you think I’m stupid?’ They can’t grasp that I’m old enough to be married.”

Megan Fox, quite possibly one of my favorite celebrities of all time, talking about how people don’t take her seriously. Heh. Got you on that one, didn’t I? But the joke’s really on Megan. We don’t roll our eyes at your marriage, Meg. We roll our eyes whenever you open your mouth. That’s all.

Adam Brody recently did an interview with writer Diablo Cody and she asked him what he thought about celebrities such as Kristen Stewart, who seem put off by the fame that comes with their job.

At the time Adam offered a pretty candid response saying, “It’s only gotten worse, I’m sure, being a celebrity. At the same time, I don’t have a lot of patience for people who moan about it too much. Because there are many things you could do… It’s like, quit… you don’t need to be an actor, so it’s like, if it’s that much of a problem… there’s the door.”

After seeing the interview and being asked follow up questions by MTV News, Adam basically retracted his statement, “It wasn’t taken out of context. I saw (the interview) and thought I sounded like an idiot. I did. Regardless of how anyone else took anything, I would think that sounds very ungentlemanly and I sounded like a jacka**.”

I’d never knock a dude for trying to do the gentlemanly thing, but there would have been a way to reiterate his statement without  What he initially said, although not especially articulate, was not inaccurate. Working in Hollywood requires a certain willingness to play along with fame. Hollywood is not a small art community that deeply gives a shit about your performance. It’s a business, and you don’t make money by being a nobody. Nothing ungentlemanly in being smart about your business.

So remember that time back in July that Snooki got arrested?  Well, she had to go to court for that yesterday, and her judge was not afraid to share his true feelings:

“You seem to be acting like a Lindsay Lohan wannabe,” Judge Damian Murray chastised the demurely, all-black-clad reality starlet. “Going through life rude, profane, obnoxious and self-indulgent is not the way you want to go through life. If it was scripted, only you can determine whether it was worth trading your dignity for a paycheck.”

I’m not one to bring back catchphrases from the earlier part of the decade, but SNAP!  Pretty spot on, though.  I mean, don’t get me wrong, I love Jersey Shore in all the wrong ways (kind of like I love the drunken redneck guys that hang out downtown in the wrong way, or like I loved the misguided, trashy sorority girls who sold their souls in the wrong way), but the judge kind of hit the nail on the head.

Luckily (maybe), that reprimand was the worst Snooki got – all charges were dropped.  And as for the judge?  The Lohans are “very disappointed” in him.

Someone is naive enough to allow Chris Brown into their life.  I’m amazed. [Celebslam]

I’ve probably asked this before, but am I the only one completely grossed out by Cristiano Ronaldo? Really? [popbytes]

Unbelievable photos of January Jones from the X-Men: First Class shoot. [Pajiba]

Do you want to see Gwyneth Paltrow’s ethereal and blessed pink bra? Or were you one of the ones who thought her boobs held themselves up? [Celebitchy]

Some churches no longer think that God is a man. (And before you start your “God’s not a celebrity” shit, yes, God is a celebrity, duh.) [Zelda Lily]

Halle Berry has officially moved on … to Olivier Martinez. [Allie is Wired]

If you think that Katie Holmes is ready to be coerced into podding more children, you’re as crazy as her husband. [Amy Grindhouse]

Snooki wants to be Lindsay Lohan. That’s … rich. [Betty Confidential]

Madonna is not above taking the subway. Ha. Get it? ‘Above’ taking the subway? [OMGBlog]

Willow Smith has a music video out. Yeah. Will Smith and Jada Pinkett’s daughter. The nine year-old. Yup. [Celebrity Smack Blog]

Looks like it’s going to be Oprah for Lindsay and her first interview. [Celebrity Dirty Laundry]