According to the New York Daily News, Lindsay Lohan is “in talks” with NBC’s Saturday Night Live to negotiate hosting duties for a December show — namely, December 4th.  However, the show’s spokespeople are naturally remaining mum on any developments, stating “We never comment on upcoming hosts until they’re announced.”  Old hat.

But come on. Who wouldn’t want Lindsay on their show at this point in her career? Though her last few pre-jail movies had fledgling (OK, practically non-existent) ratings, and a lot of production companies wanted nothing to do with her because she was too difficult to insure, networks would be crazy not to hop on the Lindsay train right now.  Everybody wants some.  Everyone wants to know what she’s doing, wants to see her on live television, and is nuts to hear about the fallen star’s future plans. Plus, she’s a redhead again –and you just know this means that she’s serious about her career once more.

I’m making a solid bet that Lindsay’s going to be on SNL — if not on December 4th, then even sooner.

So, Kate Gosselin, ex-wife of herped-out Jon Gosselin, alum of Dancing With the Stars, oh, and mother of eight children (always forget that last bit), is taking the cover of People magazine yet again — but not for family drama or diva-like behavior. Gosselin’s toned, taut and tanned figure graces the cover of the magazine once again, boasting that she’s in the best shape of her life and deserves the right to flaunt it. She’s been through so much, after all.

On the topic of her dramatic figure shift, Kate says:

“[This is] the most fit I’ve ever been … I’ve worked really hard! Haven’t I earned the right, at this point, to look good?”

In addition to agreeing that yes, Kate does look fabulous, I’m going to say “Sure, Kate. You’ve earned everything you’ve gotten. All of the money and all of the ill-deserved fame. You’ve totally earned it all.”  And they say that assholery gets you nowhere.

Kate was also photographed this past week on vacation in Cabo, Mexico, with her bodyguard “friend,” Steve Neild, who is also her bodyguard.  Though allegations of a sexual nature have been surfacing like that dead body that just won’t sink, both still maintain that there’s no relationship beyond that of a working one.

Good God. We live in a day and age where people like Kate Gosselin — Kate Gosselin, for fuck’s sake — need a bodyguard. I surrender my human card. I’m out.

I came across this video today of Eva Longoria asking celebrities to get involved with her new charity that’s helping rebuild homes in Haiti, but something about the message seemed off.

Eva, along with eBay and Kompolt, have joined forces to auction off celebrity followers and “special Tweets” to bidders. Basically, if you want Ashton Kutcher or Lady Gaga to start following you on Twitter, all you have to do is make the highest donation to aHomeinHaiti.org. The video suggests that some celebrities can offer to donate a “follow” while other celebrities can donate a personal Tweet to the oh-so-charitable person. Probably something along the lines of “Big ups to @SuperCaringHuman 4 doing all the Haitians a solid!”

In the video Eva says that they’re auctioning off these Twitter “privileges” instead of memorabilia or other typical auction items, but I dunno… something about this feels kind of dirty to me. It’s basically just underlining the fact that people are more motivated by fleeting fame than they are by genuinely helping people. Do we really live in a world where someone is more likely to pay to have a celebrity follow them on a social networking site than toss some cash in the direction of their fellow man who’s in need? Gross.

That being said, you can feel free to follow me on Twitter. I might hit you back for free and uhhhh, technically I live next to a Haitian dude. Pretty much the same thing.

The only Taylor that means anything to me is still out performing her real rock n’ roll music around the globe, and her most recent show in Paris looks like it was pretty wild. Her band, The Pretty Reckless, was hired to play the launch of John Galliano’s new fragrance and Taylor showed up in her usual raccoon eyes and undies get up. She’s a classic in the making, I tell ya.

How is Courtney Love still doing concerts?  What person is thinking “you know who would be a great person to book for my venue? Courtney Love.  She just seems like such a professional, and such a talent as well!”  I can’t answer these questions.  I can’t even speculate, because there are some things my mind just can’t comprehend, and this little rendition of “Bad Romance” is going on the list, right between imaginary numbers and they way absinthe makes me feel.  Way to go, Courtney.

I do know that there’s an audience for this sort of thing, and I hope I have served that audience well in sharing this.  But I’m going to take a moment to make a statement of fact that I never would have thought would become relevant: Joseph Gordon-Levitt is so, so much better that Courtney Love.

Oh Kim. How the fashion gods are not smiling upon you today. Not even a little bit; not even in jest.

Kim Kardashian was photographed earlier this morning in London at the BBC 1 radio station for a promotional interview.

First of all, while I normally think that Kim is well-dressed and lovely and what not, this skirt that could double for a men’s locker room towel? I fucking hate it. It’s horrible and ugly and all sorts of unflattering. It’s the wrong cut, exposes odd parts of her legs — oh, and is the wrong length, too. Also, the shoes? Didn’t she learn in finishing school that chunky shoes paired with a tight skirt is just criticism waiting to happen?

And I won’t even get started on the cropped, ill-tailored faux blazer paired with a satin (satin?!) exaggerated cowl-neck blouse. Tucked in.

No, no. This entire outfit it all sorts of wrong. Sorry, Kim.