Tim Gunn is one of the classiest men on television.  I have never heard anyone say one negative word about him, and I’ve talked to a lot of people about Tim Gunn.  There’s this pretentious girl that would never shut up about Shakespeare and her immense talent for costume design and writing poetry, and back when I first met her I thought that she might have a chance of being all right, so I invited her over to watch Project Runway.  She turned out to be the most annoying girl I’ve ever met, but that one time we watched Project Runway together, we bonded over our Tim Gunn love.  He can reach everyone.

And that’s why I’ve made a list of celebrities that he’s talked about recently.  He’s given these people some free indirect advice, and I just hope that they’re smart enough to Google themselves and find Tim’s words of wisdom.

- Taylor Momsen:  Tim recently filmed a guest appearance on Gossip Girl, and he did not appreciate Taylor’s attitude.  You can watch the video here to listen to Tim say that Taylor is “the luckiest girl in the world,” but she’s acting like a “spoiled sourpuss.”  Wise up, Taylor.

- Lindsay Lohan:  Lindsay was the fashion director at Ungaro last fall, and Tim wasn’t too pleased with that either.  He said that “Mr. Ungaro is dead and God knows he must have been rolling over in his grave, but I thought, this is one of the last couture houses left in this entire world. Lindsay Lohan is the creative director? How absurd is that! It would be like asking, I don’t know, like, asking Suri Cruise to pilot a fighter jet.”  Hear that, Lindsay?  Stick to what you know (except for cocaine).  Speaking of Suri Cruise …

- Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes:  “Suri is, she’s her mother and father’s dress up doll and I feel in many ways she’s a fashion victim and it’s just very inappropriate. I think it’s unsafe too. She’s a little kid and [she’s] tottering around on these stilettos or quasi stilettos. It’s really inappropriate and I feel bad for her in a manner of speaking.”

- Lady Gaga:  Tim may be a Gaga fan, but he was disappointed with her VMA meat dress.  ”"It was a costume of the craziest kind. It’s shock value, pure and simple,” he said. “I respect Lady Gaga and her work, but we’ve been here before. So, Lady, it’s been done. Be more creative.”

Make it work, you guys!

I know the picture’s blurry, ok?  I know that.  But there are more important things happening right now.  For instance, Justin Bieber is at a fucking Hooters.

I don’t know if I can place my finger on exactly what I find so enchanting about this picture.  Perhaps it’s just my Bieber love taking over and making me irrationally excited.  Perhaps it’s because he could easily be one of the Hooters girl’s little sister who happens to be really butch.  I don’t know, the boy is just a pint-sized package of magic, and I can’t deny that.

Anyway, this now legendary Hooters is in Edmonton, a recent stop on Bieber’s tour.  His opening band, Legaci, stopped by for a meal, then promised to bring The Biebz by.  They made good on their promise, but because of Bieber’s gift/curse, he was too swarmed by screaming adolescent girls to stay too long.

I think another reason why I love this so much is the confusion and hurt that the other Hooters patrons must have felt.  If you were just some guy from Edmonton who wanted to stop by your favorite restaurant for a beer and some ladies in shorts and instead you got a herd of crying preteens?  That would be a bonerkill.  A bonerkill to the max.

It’s JWoww!  Of course it’s JWoww.  The world is not ready for a nude Snooki spread*.  The world may never be ready.

E! chatted up JWoww a couple of days ago and asked her about the situation (the Playboy situation, not Mike Sorrentino’s creepy abs), and here’s what was said:

“Final offer is standing,” JWoww told me just the other day. “Hopefully, it will go through.”

When is she looking to show off her nakedness? She smiled, “Winter.”

In other words, it’s happening, people! JWoww smiled again, “I’d like to say so.”

Still on the table is how much she’ll actually show. “I don’t know yet,” she said. “It hasn’t been talked about yet.”

I, for one, am excited for her.  JWoww just seems like a completely down-to-earth, super fun girl who is not afraid to tell it like it is and who flaunts what she’s got, and good for her.  She kind of reminds me of my best friend, just on a more famous scale (but I bet if we were dancing at the gay bar and some guy started inexplicably yelling nonsense and pulling my hair, JWoww would push him away and threaten to break his fucking nose too).  So you do you, JWoww, and I’ll be sure to keep my eyes peeled come winter.

*Just because Snooki isn’t doing Playboy doesn’t mean I don’t love her, just like getting an email with some hilarious videos with the subject of “Tired of Snooki and need to laugh in a less sad way?” and laughing equally hard at both of those things doesn’t mean I don’t love her.  I will always love Snooki, regardless of her future in porn.

“I’ve had requests for adoption.  In America, a man changed his name legally to Lucius Malfoy.  [He] showed me the documentation and then sent me documents to disown my parents and move to be with him in the States in his house, which he had named Malfoy Manor.  I kindly rejected that.  That was quite scary.”

Ok, so on one hand, that is pretty creepy, and I understand that.  But on another hand that is much more prominent for me, I really want to see this guy and his house.  He’s probably just some middle-aged crazy renting a little house somewhere out in one of the Dakotas or something, but I’m a dreamer, and I want to believe that a beautiful man who is evil but somehow still likable to many has this huge, ornately decorated home and he just wants his son.

Sometimes I have a problem with the line between fiction and reality.  But you guys remember that time that Draco escaped his evil legacy and got a record deal, right?  I bet Narcissa was so proud.

What’s really happening:  Rihanna took Katy Perry to a Cirque Du Soleil show in Las Vegas. This was just one of a handful of bachelorette activities the two got into last night:  they also hung out by a pool and had some drinks, went to a nightclub and had drinks, then went to a strip club and had drinks.  Sounds like a great night.

What could be happening:  Anything.  This picture, as well as the ones that follow, are so fantastical.  I don’t mean to be all Kindergarten Teacher on you all, but your imagination can take you anywhere.  You could write the next Avatar here, you really could (but keep in mind that if you do that, the film should be about an hour shorter and the plot shouldn’t be so redundant).

If you’re finding your inspiration limited, just check out the rest of the pictures below!

I don’t watch that Kardashian show because I really prefer that my trashy reality television showcases alcoholic young adults with ridiculous nicknames or teenage mothers, so I tend not to tell you guys things about them unless it involves The Biebz or blow up dolls or something equally as great.  And I think this might be a little more great.

An inmate in Pennsylvania has filed a lawsuit against Kim, Kourtney, and Khloe Kardashian, saying that their shows have caused him “extreme emotional distress.”  Here’s the full story from TMZ:

According to a lawsuit filed in federal court, D.J. Goodson claims he was forced to watch “Keeping Up with the Kardashians” and “Kourtney and Khloe Take Miami.” Punishment for bad behavior, perhaps?

Goodson says he developed “extreme emotional distress due to their outrageousness of actions.”

Goodson claims he’s permanently scarred from watching domestic abuse (a boxing match on the show featuring Kim), emotional abuse (rantings courtesy of Kourtney and “paramour Scott”) and racism (Khloe referring to a baby doll as “the black baby”).

Goodson wants $75,000 in damages.

I wish I had the time and money to file lawsuits against celebrities for the emotional distress they’ve caused me.  I’d go after JC Chasez for selling himself so short with his solo career that it damaged my fragile teenage psyche, and I’d probably see what I could do about the emotional assault I faced with the premature cancellation of Firefly.

Following the good example of D.J. Goodson, who would you guys sue?