You can kind of tell just by looking at that picture.  If you had no idea who this guy was, you could just glance at the one extra open button and that little patch of exposed chest hair and think “yeah, that guy knows the ladies.”  So let’s take it up a notch and take some guesses on how many women Simon has slept with, just for funzies.  Fifty sounds kind of intense, one hundred seems a little bananas, but apparently, the number is way higher.  Like nearly a couple thousand higher.

X factor judge Simon Cowell has claimed that he has had sex with almost 2,000 women. Simon revealed that during his “good times” he had two women a week. The multi-millionaire’s “good times” ran through the 80s and 90s, up to 20 years, which means he will have racked up the massive “magic number.”

But Cowell, 50, was quick to point out he was “not as bad as Russell Brand”.

“I like women. I just like them. I like flirting and I like to listen,” the Daily Star quoted him as saying. “Guys will say they fancy girls, but my best friends are girls,” he added.

I don’t know if it’s the trademark V-neck, the assistance his accent would have given him during his time over here on American Idol, or just some magical X Factor (you see what I did there?), but I believe it.  Can’t you just see Simon slipping into some classy bar, his shirt unbuttoned just enough to be questionable but not sleazy, and buying some dark and mysterious woman a drink?  And he’d give her this blazing look, or maybe flash her a hint of a smile, and just like that, he’d get some fast company.

Not that I’ve ever thought about this.

‘Cause I’ve got a secret: I didn’t. What, you’re wondering, was I doing that could have been so much more important than sitting through God-knows-how-many hours of The Situation and Bristol Palin and Michael Bolton (who I always spell ‘Bloton’ initially)? Missing all of that high-quality TEEVEE?

I was watching my New Orleans Saints positively wipe the field with the now-0-and-2 San Francisco 49ers. Yup. But I’m not here to talk about that, much as I’d like to (poor, poor Reggie Bush).

After the game ended at midnight ET, I begrudgingly opened my laptop to check out some of the highlights from last night’s premiere of Dancing With the Stars, and while some of them were quite good, and it’s always a pleasure to see Jennifer Grey do … something, I’m glad I made the decision to watch the game. Even if that was a given.

Did you watch last night? Who was your favorite? Do you think The Situation’s going to be porking Karina Smirnoff in the coming weeks?

“The first thing she said was, ‘Dada,’ and then she’d call everybody else she loved ‘Dada.’ She actually attached to Josh much faster.”

Ha. Nah, I’m just kidding. Most babies say ‘Dada’ first, rather than ‘Mama’ anyway, and that’s just ’cause it’s easier for their little mouths to form. Or maybe because it’s that the always-ego-centric Heigl is now a mom. That could be it, too.

Oh, dude, it is on. This might be my first piece on Justin Bieber ever, because I do have some standards dontyouknow, and man is it a doozy. It looks like the pint-sized Justin has other women beyond Kim Kardashian that he’s willing to set his sights on, and it’s not only his sights he’s been setting upon them — Bieber was photographed in a serious makeout sesh yesterday by creepy lurkers TMZ and their camera crews and caught the entire thing on film, though it wasn’t as if Bieber and his woman were being all that coy about it.

The kids were photographed sucking face in broad daylight in the backseat of a Honda. The girly in question? Sixteen-year-old Jasmine Villegas, who is also Justin’s opening act for his current tour.

Surprises abound. But man, Justin … hasn’t anyone ever taught you? I mean … A Honda?

Images courtesy of TMZ

What an exciting day to be Dr. Drew! Not one, but two of his former Celebrity Rehab patients are in the news for falling off the wagon. It’s almost as if addiction is a serious thing that should be treated in a private way by only the best doctors or something! LOLZ!1!!!!

A source spoke to RadarOnline and said that Jason Wahler, former cast member of The Hills and Laguna Beach, is hitting the bottle harder than ever these days:

“Things were going so well for Jason until last week,” said a source, close to the former Laguna Beach star.

Last week, Wahler was photographed at Hollywood hot spots Boa and Katsuya.

“He went out three nights in a row last week,” added the source.

“At one stage last week, Jason pleaded to move in with a close friend at her Los Angeles home, who also went through Dr. Drew’s television rehab.

“But his behavior was too erratic and it’s clear his sobriety is no longer important to him.”

That makes me think three things:

1. VH1 needs to be held accountable for waving the possibility of treatment and increased fame in front of these addicts faces and then essentially abandoning them after what is questionably rehabilitation.
2. Dr. Drew needs to cease pretending that he has a clue how to help people.
3. Ugh. Thank God LC dumped this loser’s ass. I knew he was bad news ever since he kissed Jessica at that charity fashion show.

ANNNNNYYYYYWAYYYYYYY….

Joanie “Chyna” Laurer, a former WWE wrestler who we last saw on Celebrity Rehab, has found herself in the hospital once again for substance-related issues.

Although it was initially reported that Chyna was being treated for alcohol poisoning, TMZ is now saying that Joanie OD’d on Benadryl. Supposedly she takes the allergy medication as a sleep aid from time to time (as do I. That stuff makes me pass out and it’s non habit forming like Tylenol PM, which is the devil’s medicine), but “accidentally” took 4-5 times the recommended dosage. I take two pills because my tolerance for OTC drugs is very high. I would assume Joanie’s recommended dosage is about the same. If ya use your math skillz, that means homegirl took like, 10 Benadryls. So obviously she was puking her brains out.

It’s gotta suck to be one of the forgotten addicts from Celebrity Rehab, you know? The last thing most of the people on that show will ever be known for is being junkies and the only time we’ll ever hear about them after that is when they’ve screwed up again.