So we heard a couple weeks ago that these two broke up. Now I’m reading that they’re still totally together. Then there are these photos of the two of them promoting their new movie Going the Distance to over-analyze. Do they look uncomfortable?  What are they whispering to each other? If they are actually broken up, don’t you think they’re probably completely dying inside because they’re contractually obligated to promote this movie together?

Ugh! I wont be able to sleep until I know the truth!

I hate myself for saying this, but when I saw that Danielle Staub was trying to start a singing career, I thought she’d be a hell of a lot worse than she is. Last night, she and her rumored partner Lori Michaels were on Watch What Happens and they debuted their new single “Real Close”.

I expected the performance to be in the tradition of Kim Zolciak and Countess LuAnn. I imagined it was going to be a total abortion. But it really wasn’t. Did it sound like a housewife trying to parlay her minor success on reality television into a singing career? Sure. Let’s call a spade a spade. However, it wasn’t totally offensive. In fact, I would say that this performance is one of the least insulting things I’ve ever seen her do.

We’ve made some changes to the way we handle photo galleries here on EB, and hopefully now it’ll be a little easier for you guys to navigate through them. When you click on one thumbnail in a gallery, it will open up that photo at a normal size, but the entire gallery will still be displayed in thumbnails below. That way it’s easy for you to move around photo galleries (although you can still go through them one by one by clicking the “Previous” and “Next” buttons that will appear above the main photo). I know you’ll have feedback, and I’m happy to hear it.

I figured what better way to kick off these new galleries than with a collection of dogs dressed like Lady Gaga. What? I found it on Cosmopolitan.com. Right next to ‘Today’s Featured Video: Would you do him outside?’

I wasn’t kidding. Clearly this is the type of question we cannot count on words alone to answer.

Enjoy.

A man was arrested at around 6:30 this morning while attempting to break into Paris’ house.  He might have been looking for weed or he might have just been a huge fan of The Simple Life, we don’t know at this point.  But here’s what we do know:

“In the early hours of this morning an armed man with two kitchen knives attempted to break in to Paris Hilton’s home when she was sleeping,” her rep said in a statement Tuesday. “The security cameras and alarm system were alerted and the police immediately came to the house and arrested the intruder who was attempting to break a window when they arrived. Paris is naturally shaken by the events but is unharmed and well.”

Paris it at least well enough to Tweet about it, and she even posted a picture of the man being arrested in a glowing example of the importance of civic journalism:

So Scary, just got woken up to a guy trying to break into my house holding 2 big knifes. Cops are here arresting h

You should have stayed in Saint Tropez, Paris.  They treat you better there.

One of my very favorite Hollywood actresses, Christina Applegate, was photographed at the LA premiere of Going the Distance looking glowy, pregnant and stoked. She was photographed with her fiancé, Martyn Lenoble.

Congrats (again!) to the happy couple — I cannot wait to see how adorable this child will be.

Oh, Lordy. Have you heard the partial list of who’s appearing on this upcoming season of Dancing With the Stars? Because it’s a doozy. A motherfucking doozy. Like, ‘doozy’ as in ‘you can’t swing a dead cat without hitting some of the most obnoxious people on the planet.’

In order of best to worst, I give you the almost-complete list of DWTS contenders.

Kurt Warner – an NFL player who helped win the Superbowl back in 1998. I don’t know much about him, and I’m not going to Google him because, frankly, I’m not interested in finding anything out. Point is, DWTS has its token athlete, like it or not, and that’s just fine by me.

Audrina Patridge – Oh, for crying out loud. Watching this woman dance onstage is going to be akin to watching a blind man crossing the street. To music.

Brandy – Maybe she can spend the entire season telling the paparazzi to lay off of her, and bloggers to leave her alone — or better yet, she can pull a Kate Gosselin and do her little “Paparazzi” dance. That’d go over well. And it’d be poetic, too, because Brandy actually meant something to Hollywood once. You know, back when ‘That Boy is Mine’ was cool and it was the ‘in’ thing to do to star in movies like I Still Know What You Did Last Summer (and yes, I really did like those movies).

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino – As I’m sure you can understand, I’m really, really looking forward to seeing Mike Sorrentino’s greasy abs ‘creep’ and ‘beat up the beat’ all over the stage, ’cause he’s so underexposed as it is. And you know this shithead is going to win. You just KNOW it. He’ll probably pull Chippendale moves every week, because that’ll mean he’ll only have to wear a bowtie and no shirt. Uh, bonus?

So thanks, ABC. I didn’t watch Dancing With the Stars before, and I’m definitely not going to start now.