SPEAKING of VanityFair, I was cruising their website and I came across this video of Lady Gaga’s photo shoot for their September issue. I always love these behind the scenes videos of celebrities doing magazine covers. It’s interesting to see how they move, all the different garments they wear, what it looks like to participate in a photo shoot on that scale. But this? KINDA FREAKED ME OUT. And no, it’s not the editing or the music or the odd wardrobe… I just felt like I was watching something not meant for human eyes.

You see, I’m not sure that I care about how Lady Gaga makes her magic. I don’t want to see her smiling and looking like a normal human (and even almost tripping over her own dumb ass shoes again.) I just want the finished product, because Gaga’s all about the finished product. With out perfect presentation, Gaga’s just not the same, you know?

It’s always hilarious to see old footage of celebrities doing shitty gigs to pay their bills before they made it big. This Jell-O commercial with Lindsay Lohan may ring a bell. Or maybe this clip of Helen Hunt as a cracked out teen jumping through a window. Well, this morning Vanity Fair struck the “celebrity doing dumb shit to pay the bills” goldmine: It’s a video of Paul Rudd DJing a Bat Mitzvah in 1992.

He has Keanu Reeves hair. He’s wearing a bright yellow jacket. He helps the birthday girl cheat in a limbo contest. And from what you’re able to make out, he was always, always, always a smokin’ hot babe.

Enjoy. And please share any stories you have of pre-American Idol Carrie Underwood waiting on your table at Denny’s or Kevin Spacey fixing your toilet in 1981 in the comments.

Paul Rudd: Bat Mitzvah DJ from Jewish Forward on Vimeo.

When Britney Spears was photographed enjoying a beverage from Starbucks yesterday and looking considerably less crazy than the last time that happened, there was some speculation that Ms. Spears had something coming up.  Then today, MTV made an announcement that makes me feel like Christmas is going to come a little bit early this year:

Britney Spears will be releasing a new album in just a “few weeks”, according to producer Rodney ‘Darkchild’ Jerkins.

Britney’s label Jive confirmed back in March that she had begun work on her follow-up to 2008′s Circus, and now Jerkins has told UStream: “Britney fans are gonna be so happy in a few weeks.”

The as-yet-untitled album will be Britney’s seventh, and is expected to include contributions from producers including Danja and Predator Dub Assassins.

We can’t wait!

Me neither, MTV.  I feel like this is going to be something special.  Yesterday, as I was shuffling through my music, “Lucky” came on.  I smiled, and remembered a time when Britney Spears had her shit together, or could at least pretend like she did to make fun music.  I thought of how much fun it would have been to be able to dance to an awesome Britney song at the gay bar (“Womanizer” does not count), and I mourned the fact that it probably just wasn’t in the cards. Then this announcement was made.  And even though she’s been looking kind of jacked for the last little bit, I’m going to go ahead and get my hopes up.

“I think breastfeeding really helped (me keep me figure). Some people here (in the US) think they don’t have to breastfeed, and I think ‘Are you going to give chemical food to your child when they are so little?’ I think there should be a worldwide law, in my opinion, that mothers should breastfeed their babies for six months.”

Gisele Bündchen on making breastfeeding a wordwide law. Clearly, she doesn’t know what kind of controversy that making such comments stirs, but I’m going to let her off on this one. She’s a first-time mom, and she’s a Victoria’s Secret supermodel. She can’t be completely perfect, you know.

Uh, if you guessed Lindsay, you’d be right. But you’d also be of, like, super-investigator caliber, because this woman looks just like Lindsay.

Now that the engagement is clearly off between Kate Major and Michael Lohan, he’s taken the liberty of moving along to another faux-blonde in New York (and what the fuck are these people thinking, shacking up with Michael Lohan, anyway?!) and was photographed swapping spit (ew, ew, ew) with her just this past weekend.

OK. I guess we’ll read about the new chick in a few weeks, or a few months. Arm yourself with a protective cup and a mouth guard … this shit could get ugly.

As you’re all probably aware, the phenomena known as Lindsay Lohan has made her grand exit from jail, and is in the process of transitioning to rehab, where she’ll be treated for meth addiction, withdrawal, and bipolar disorder.

Lindsay was released early yesterday morning, after just serving thirteen days of her ninety-day sentence, but wasn’t photographed looking like methed-out shit leaving the facility.  As of today, she probably sits in UCLA Medical Center’s rehabilitation center, because Morningside Recovery, her original destination, was found to be ill-equipped and not secure enough to handle Lindsay’s addictions star power.

Lindsay’s rehab stint is supposed to last ninety days, but her “requirements” seem more like “recommendations,” and I highly doubt she’ll be there for the next two weeks, let alone the next three months.  Come the fuck on. She didn’t even spend a third of her time in jail, for crying out loud — rehab is going to be a joke for Lohan.  She’s going to pull out her dusty, dried out acting skills and be all “healed” and “remorseful” of of her pre-jail behavior, and she’ll be out quicker than you can say drug-addled sex kitten, back to snatch shots, chipped dollar store nail polish, and Red Bull before the end of the week.  Then the LA county legal system will smile smugly and say, “Hey, this kinda stuff is our job, guys, and we take it seriously.”