Halle Berry picks her nose, checks it out. Oh, that and you’re a fucking liar if you say that you’ve never done that before. [Celebslam]

Katy Perry thinks ‘peacock’ actually means ‘penis.’ That, or she’s trying to coin a phrase. [popbytes]

Madonna got her cheek implants taken out. She’s still a fetid old vampire. (But now she’s an attractive fetid old vampire.) [Celebitchy]

Britney Spears looks almost normal when she’s taken by surprise. [Amy Grindhouse]

So, what, everyone hates Eat, Pray, Love? Is that the general consensus? [Pajiba]

More on the crazy-assed flight attendant who went apeshit. [Zelda Lily]

Aww, Joe Jonas is all tore up over a little old blogger. [Allie is Wired]

Gabriel Aubry is one fine piece of man-ass. [Betty Confidential]

I know we’ve already talked about this, but MIA’s new video — and song — XXXO really sucks. [OMGBlog]

Dr. Laura really loves the n-word. That’s classy. Bitch. [Celebrity Smack Blog]

… Thanks to the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office.

Poor Snooki tried to be a responsible television personality and get her nickname trademarked so that she could use it on her book (a “snooktionary.”  Get excited.), but her request was denied, thanks to a cat:

U.S. Patent and Trademark Office (USPTO) records show that registration of a “Snooki” mark for “printed matter, namely books” was recently refused because of a “likelihood of confusion” with a previously issued trademark. That 2004 mark was, amusingly, for “Adventures of Snooky,” a children’s book featuring a cat who gets knocked overboard while on a family fishing trip.

Personally, I don’t see why they couldn’t just share the trademark.  If that happened, then we could get children’s books featuring a cat getting arrested on the beach and Jersey Shore episodes featuring Snooki getting knocked overboard. Don’t call it a stretch, call it a dream.

Photo via TMZ

For some reason I can’t identify, Tila Tequila went to a Gathering of the Juggalos concert in Illinois and appeared on the same stage as the Insane Clown Posse.  As she was making her way on stage, things got bad fast:

“I went onstage and immediately, before I even got on stage, DUDES were throwing HUGE STONE ROCKS in my face, beer bottles that slit my eye open, almost burnt my hair on fire cuz they threw fire crackers on stage, and they even took the sh*t out of the port-0-potty and threw sh*t and piss at me when I was onstage.”

Oh, Tila, honey!  But wait – it gets worse:

“These people were trying to kill me.  So then after the last blow to my head with the firecracker they threw at me exploded, my bodygaurd and the other security grabbed me and ran as fast as they could to the shitty trailor.  Since their security SUCKS, the 2 thousand people ran after us, trying to kill me.  They almost got me so they finally reach the trailor, blood all over myself, cant stop bleeding, then all of a sudden, all 2 thousand people surround the trailor and busts the windows!!!  Even the guys INSIDE with me were shaking!  Their hands were shaking cuz they were so scared!  So 3 guys inside the trailor had to grab a table and push it over the broken windows and grabbed all the chairs they could find so hold the people from outside back.  It was scary as hell!”

This sounds absolutely terrifying, and I’m not even being a little bit sarcastic.  I mean, getting firecrackers and feces thrown at you and being forced to barricade yourself in a trailer would be scary regardless, but just imagine if the people that were doing these things to you were dudes with scary face paint.  Not even Tila Tequila deserves that.

That generally amazing man, Neil Patrick Harris, and his partner of around six years, David Burtka, are going to get their lives changed in October, thanks to a surrogate.  They’re expecting twins!

Can you even imagine Neil Patrick Harris as a father?  He would tenderly hold his babies and sing them beautiful show tunes (“I Dreamed a Dream” is what’s in my vision for some reason, though I don’t know why Neil would be serenading his baby a song about shattered dreams).  He would probably be a pretty good dude to have around in terms of simple cuts and scrapes (you can’t tell me he didn’t learn anything on Doogie Howser).

Feel free to leave your own lovely visions of Neil Patrick Harris, the father, in the comments!

Miley, still just 17, has reportedly asked her parents to consent to the plastic surgery to take her up to a D-cup.  Here’s the original story from Star:

“The only thing Miley Cyrus likes less than a flat note is a flat chest. She’s already seen a plastic surgeon and aims to up her cups to Holly Madison proportions, a source tells Star. Miley is intent on getting a boob job, and she’s insisting her parents sign the consent form, which is required since she’s still 17 years old,” notes the source. “Billy Ray and Tish are letting her go for it. She’s beyond their control, anyway.”

Since this is from Star, there’s a good chance it’s nonsense, but I’m not sure.  I think this definitely sounds like something that Miley would do.  With all the on stage grinding and pole-dancing this girl has been doing in the past year, implants seem like a logical next step.

I would make a joke about how Miley can’t be tamed, but it just seems sad at this point.

I think the idea of Ke$ha needing to reconsider her actions is an idea that occurs pretty frequently.  I mean, for a while there, I was under the impression that she might actually be a cool person, but I’m back.

OK magazine recently asked Ke$ha about who she would like to perform a duet with, and here’s what she had to say:

“Some of my favorite artists of all time are classic artists, and the list is long when it comes to dream duets. Anywhere from a Mick Jagger to a Prince to a David Bowie. But also I’d be as honoured to share a song with Rihanna as I’m honoured to share her stage during our concert tour.”

All right, I could maybe see Rihanna.  They are touring together, and it would make sense for a couple of popular lady singers to get together for a song.  But Mick Jagger, Ke$ha, really?  Just because you gave a little shout-out to him in one of your songs doesn’t mean he owes you anything.  And David Bowie?  I don’t think I can accurately or succinctly describe how dead inside a Ke$ha/Bowie song would make me or how much this girl does not deserve that.  I’m usually all for dreaming big, but come on now.