Everyone I know already worships Amy Poehler, but these photos give you another reason. This is Amy out in NYC today, carrying some groceries and entertaining the paparazzi shooting her with funny faces. The kind of remarkable thing about these photos is that homegirl just gave birth ten days ago to her second son, Abel James. She and her husband, Will Arnett, have another son at home, Archie, and you know that those boys are the luckiest kids ever. Amy’s character in Mean Girls was totally accurate about her real life self, she is a cool mom. Also, I kind of like that she’s not anorexic looking right after giving birth. Amy is naturally an extremely tiny person and to see that she’s not one of those celebrities that slims down the second she leaves the hospital is kind of reassuring. You know, as a human.

Ok, so Sadie Frost, Jude Law’s ex-wife, has written a book. It’s called Crazy Days, and it’s a tale of, among a couple of other things, her life with Jude. Jude made a fuss about it and tried to prevent the release of the book, but that apparently didn’t work, because The Daily Mail is serializing the book so that we all can know of its wonders.

This first bit that The Daily Mail released tells of 25-year-old mother and wife, Sadie Frost, meeting 19-year-old Jude Law on a movie set in 1992 and how she began to develop feelings for Jude:

Filming began in 1992. Gary [her husband] was as devoted as ever and I knew that by even entertaining thoughts of Jude, I was jeopardising an idyllic home life, the most secure relationship I’d ever had.

I crushed my unwelcome ideas about Jude, but it wasn’t easy. I was beginning to prefer this straightforward young man to my intellectual older husband. Still, I tried to reject my dark thoughts, until it became clear that Jude was interested in me, too.

A night shoot in which we sat in a car was almost painful, so powerful was the force drawing me to him. He turned to me, his stare intense and hungry. I allowed my gaze to take him in as his almond-shaped, avocado-green eyes thundered their way into my soul. His head was shaved and he was wearing tight black trousers. Time slowed down inside our bubble and I realised we were destined to be together. ‘Cut!’ shouted the director, shaking us back to reality.

I absolutely love Sadie’s writing style.  I feel like I’m reading a V.C. Andrews book, it’s wonderful.

On a more serious note, Sadie discusses at length her experiences with postpartum depression.  She writes of taking care of her first child alone while Jude worked and how she became so depressed that one night she cut herself with a pair of scissors.  She also alludes to that time when her daughter Iris, who was two at the time, accidentally swallowed some ecstasy at a birthday party and how the media’s reaction to that incident caused her depression to intensify until a friend asked her to go to a clinic.  Instead, Sadie went to see Jude, and it became clear then that their marriage was over.

So dramatic, you guys.

“Every movie he’s done has done really well. I look back, and everything’s a classic … I definitely come home and say to him, ‘So, imagine a scene … how would you play it?’ And he’s helpful and sweet and gracious. He’s quite an incredible human being.”

In another bout of ass-kissery sanctioned by Moco Jumbie or whoever it is that today’s Scientologists bow to, Katie Holmes picks up the slack that she’s dropped by not speaking of Tom in the media for a week or whatever, and pours all of her affection and adoration into one interview. Or fucking else.

Well, it’s apparent that if you’re a ‘tough girl,’ are into body art, and like stars on your face, you have a shot with Jesse James. ‘Cause evidently, Jesse was spotted out with a new girlfriend this past weekend and it was none other than Kat Von D, queen of tattoos and punk rawkness, just like Dita Von Teese is queen of porcelain skin and burlesque.

Awesome. … For Jesse.

I know that, you know, everyone deserves love in some way, shape, or form, but what the hell is a self-respecting woman doing, crawling into Jesse James’ bed before the stank of Michelle ‘Bombshell’ McGee has even been cleansed from his penis? Does that shit ever even come off? I just threw up in my mouth. For real.

In all reality, the two were photographed having dinner together somewhere in Las Vegas. If Kat has any concept of sexual health — or scruples to not get involved with a man who cheats and cheats and cheats — then it was purely business. And that was the direction I was leaning towards.

But yet. But yet. The two were said to have exited the restaurant later in the night holding hands. And that shot my hopeful theory all to hell. I know that sometimes people hold hands because they’re friends, it’s your mom, because it’s chic, and because Americans like to be like Europeans with their trendy traditions, but Jesse James? He knows as much about class and polish as he does about marriage vows.

Does it give you a tremor of excitement, tracing icy fingers down your spine, or does it just give you a burning sense of dread that a half-assed job results in half-assed results?

If you’re like the majority of the people who care about this girl and this particular case, you probably fit into the latter.

According to exclusive sources at TMZ, Lindsay Lohan may be released from rehab sometime this week, which will be what, only eighty-two days early or something?

Jesus wept.

Turns out Lindsay Lohan will indeed be getting out of the UCLA Neuropsychiatric Hospital … as early as this week, according to sources familiar with the situation.

Our sources say Lindsay’s doctors have not written their final report, but they have already concluded her psychiatric problems are not nearly as severe as first thought. We’ve been told there were indications Lindsay was bipolar but that proved not to be the case.

In addition, the doctors do not believe the drug dependency issues are as severe as first thought. As we reported, Lindsay had big issues with Adderall, but the docs don’t think it requires much more inpatient care.

Bottom line … sources say it’s “very possible” Lindsay is getting out this week and will begin getting outpatient care.

‘Outpatient care.’ Is that similar to what she was doing when she ‘attended’ her alcohol counseling sessions? Because I don’t think that kind of outpatient care counted for much, considering she ended up in jail for crying out loud.

You know, I don’t know the girl personally (though it’d be a lot cooler if I did), but from an outsider’s perspective? This girl needs more attention in the rehab and counseling side of the house than most people are willing to put her through.

Hear that noise? Do you know what it is? It’s the hopefully-distant sound of death — knocking at Lindsay’s door. And this time, if she doesn’t clean up her act, that creepy skeleton bastard is going to break right through the front windows and take this girl to his equally-creepy home.

Snooki just started dating this dude Jeff Miranda, an Iraq veteran from her neck of the woods. The 24 year old seemed like he’d probably be a down-to-earth change of pace for Snooki at first. It doesn’t seem like someone who served our country would be interested in the trashy world of reality television and club appearances, right? But people who know Jeff are adamant that his interest in Snooki is solely for the publicity.

After seeing paparazzi shots of Jeff and Snook on the Jersey boardwalk, the source who spoke to RadarOnline said, “I’ve known Jeff for a long time and the guy is a player. This whole Guido thing is something totally new. He’s become a gym rat and hooked-up with Snooki to get popularity and fame. Let’s face it, the guy wants to be a star.” Now there’s a statement that sounds like it’s either totally true or that “the source” is totally his jealous ex-girlfriend who wants him to burn.

As for what Jeff thinks about his new lady, he updated his Facebook page with the following message over the weekend:

“People no more Snookie talk. Her name is Nicole by the way. All I’m saying is we had a great time together. She is an amazing girl and couldn’t ask for any more or less. I am not making any further comments about Nicole and myself. When the time is right you will be updated.”

Hmm. Again, this could go either way. It could read like Jeff’s being respectful, and it could also read like, “Who the hell are you to be making public statements of this nature about anything?”

Jury’s out on Jeff. We’re going to have to see how this one plays out before we make a final judgment on whether or not we’re going to hate him.