Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Hide Your Moose: Levi Johnston Wants to Run For Wasilla Mayor

Goddamn, this kid is backwards. If he wanted to run for mayor, he should have listened quietly, observed mercilessly, and remained in the designer-paid-for-by-contributions back pocket of Sarah Palin’s outdated Calvin Klein jeans. (Sarah’s never heard of 7 For All Mankind or Diesel donchaknow.)

But alas, Johnston allows the Palin family to alienate him alienates himself, and now expects a valid run for Wasilla, Alaska, mayor. Just great.

And it gets worse: sources close to Johnston state that he’s currently pitching a reality show for TLC to document his journey to winning the title of Wasilla mayor called Loving Levi: The Road to the Mayor’s Office. [Dies. Just … dies.]

Oh, wait. This is a Sarah Palin breed we’re talking about, and it’s apparent one can wear many hats — beauty queen, governor, vice-presidential nominee, president? OK. I get it, then. Playgirl playmate, reality star (?), music video inspiration

Got it. It’s all falling into place for me now.

Oh, and the chicks in the photo? Are all like, “Squee!! We have a photo with that dreamy dreamboat Levi Johnston! You know, the baby daddy of the teenaged mom? Isn’t it just everyone’s dream to get knocked up by a stodgy, famewhoring, tool before they graduate high school? Oh, let him be mine, let it be me!”

Or maybe they’re just laughing at him. That’s what I’m really hoping it is. Squee.

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