This is why Mel Gibson is a superstar.  Just when you thought he couldn’t possibly be any more of an idiotic, bigoted assclown, he just goes and outdoes himself.  Take a note, kids, that kind of perseverance is what’s going to make you or break you.

Mel was recorded on tape spouting off some horrible things (sound familiar?).  While talking to Oksana, he threatened that he would turn one of his employees over to immigration, but don’t worry, he said it in a much more charming way:

“I will report her to the fucking people that take fucking money from the wetbacks.”

In another segment of the recording, Oksana brings up that time he hit her:

“What kind of a man is that who would hit a woman when she is holding a child in her hands, hitting her twice in the face? What kind of a man is that?”

To which Mel responded

“You know what — you fucking deserved it.”

Keep it up, Mel, I think there are still some groups of people that you haven’t directly offended.  You wouldn’t want to seem lazy, would you?

If you’re totally sick and perverted and into cats or whatever committing suicide, you can complete your bucket list and check out Amy Winehouse’s very own nip-slip. If you dare. [Celebslam]

More Humane Society stuff to make you bawl your eyes out. Hat tip to Sheryl Crow! [popbytes]

Is there a better image than Betty White being fed grapes and stuff by hot, tight-underoo-clad men? I thought not. [Pajiba]

The ultimate puppy-loving, flower-child Drew Barrymore hates puppies, hates flowers. [Celebitchy]

That Olivia Munn article that everyone keeps talking about just keeps on blowing up. [Zelda Lily]

Wow. Craziness happens: Crystal Bowersox gets her toofs fixed. [Allie is Wired]

Gwyneth Paltrow on the cover of Vogue. The shoot took up two issues: one for Gwynnie, and one for her ego. [Amy Grindhouse]

Is your favorite celebrity up for an Emmy nod? [Betty Confidential]

I know some of you probably think that Cristiano Ronaldo is, like, the epitome of hotness, but I really, really disagree. [OMGBlog]

Come the fuck on. Joel Madden would never cheat on Nicole Richie. Are you crazy? [Celebrity Smack Blog]

Yeah, Lindsay was supposed to celebrate her birthday last night at Las Palmas, but according to, well, everyone, the guest of honor didn’t even show up at the bash being thrown in her name.

In what many thought was sure to be a huge, drug-and-alcohol-fueled night with Lindsay and her cohorts tripping the lights fantastic — or just trippin’ — her no-show came as a surprise to even some of her closest friends who were in attendance at the non-party:

“Lindsay was planning to celebrate her birthday with the owners of Las Palmas, who are like family to her, and her friend Ferras, who was also celebrating his birthday that night.”

But after she didn’t show, another friend came to the rescue, explaining her absence:

“Lindsay is not having her birthday @laspalmas!!!” her close pal Marcus Molinari Tweeted around midnight Thursday. “She is at home with friends and family!!! We wish her well and love her!!!”

I wonder if her rumored new gal-pal was there, at home, celebrating with Lindsay, and if she was all wet. From tears, you know. Because Lindsay’s been doing nothing but crying on the new girlfriend, supposedly.

Well, at any rate, I’m glad you decided to take a good night in, Linds. I think if you had gone out, it wouldn’t have turned out very well, anyway.

Happy, uh, birthday?

Jessica Biel, or who many refer to as the sourpuss that Justin Timberlake occasionally sleeps with and walks dogs with and occasionally lets into his circle of amazingness, is photographed for GQ China, and she looks every bit the gorgeous woman that a lot of people don’t peg her to be.

I’ve always loved Jess Biel. I never watched 7th Heaven or whatever other crappy TV series she starred in, but my first real experience with her ample hotness was in the reboot of Texas Chainsaw Massacre, and I thought she was gorgeous since then. She’s pretty talented, and she does a whole lot of cool stuff like climbing mountains and donating to charities, so you know what? Biel’s good in my book. It’s a small book, but she’s definitely in there.

And I don’t care if Timberlake can’t see your fabulousness, Jess. Girl, you can come over my house anytime and discuss politics and wilderness expeditions over fat-free soy lattes anytime. I’ve got a really awesome machine that makes them, you know, and you’ve got my number. Give me a ring.

And if you’ve seen the uncensored version, you’ll know that there’s a, uh, “questionable” puddle sitting smack dab in the middle of where that lovely yellow oval happens to rest.

I couldn’t even imagine sleeping with her, and not, you know, because I’m straight. Because I’d imagine she smells like a wet new perm, dirty pennies, and Mountain Dew. Attractive. Appealing. Oh-so-hawt.

Pull your damned shirt down, Ke$ha, and lay off the hard drugs.

I mean, for any of you that actually care, that is. I never got into Bachelor/Bachelorette franchise, but I did happen to watch Vienna melt down during an interview in Beet’s post earlier this week, and to me, it became newsworthy.

TMZ got a hold of some pretty incriminating emails that were said to float between Vienna and her ex-boyfriend, Lee Smith, which were dated up to the day that Vienna and Jake broke up. In the emails, sex and relationship reparations are discussed, as well as plans for the future:

- (Lee to Vienna) “I’m here again feeling a oh so fimilar [sic] feeling … I think it is a mixture of antisapation [sic] or mabey [sic] it’s me just missin you either way…”

- (Vienna to Lee) “You are my life. I love you so much and can’t wait to be in your arms again.”

- (Lee to Vienna) “u are all I want!!!! I want to sex u up so bad baby!”

- (Lee to Vienna) “Don’t u miss touching all the time are [sic] long baths …”

- (Vienna to Lee) “I do miss all that. I love you so much bubbie. I want our life back.”

“I want to sex u up so bad baby.”  Yeah. This chick totally seems like the type to prefer a hard-headed, can’t-spell-for-shit caveman over someone who presents themselves like Jake Pavelka.  Jaysus.