Lindsay Lohan is a big fan of pills (surprise!).  She has a prescription for her acid reflux, prescriptions for two different kinds of anti-depressants, one for Adderall, another for Ambien, and one for Dilaudid, an extremely addictive opiate similar to morphine.  Apparently it’s a bad plan to take the Ambien and the Dilaudid together; a medical correspondent for CBS has this to say about that particular combo:

“The combination of the two can depress your breathing and cause the oxygen in your blood to become dangerously low.  The combination of these two types of drugs is what I give to patients intravenously during a colonoscopy!”

Sounds like a party, Lindsay!  But what kind of doctor would prescribe all these pills?  Here’s a hint:  ”doctor” should actually be plural.

Sources who know Lindsay told TMZ that she’s not opposed to going from doctor to doctor to get the prescriptions she wants.  She also has doctors in L.A. and New York, and she “would get a large supply” whenever she had a doctor’s visit.

What a hot mess you are, Lindsay Lohan.  You be sure and have a good time withdrawing from your own personal pharmacy when you get to prison.

So on Friday, Joan Rivers took to her Twitter account to let people know her feelings on Lindsay Lohan’s current situation:

Lindsay Lohan said she wouldn’t mind being under oath because she thought Oath was a Norwegian ski instructor.

Lindsay Lohan is so dumb. Her idea of being sworn in is cursing at the judge.

I was just reading about the new Lindsay Lohan diet, which is all liquid. 80 Proof.

Lindsay Lohan had “Fuck You” painted on her nails. What people don’t know is that the judge had “Eat me you party skank,” painted on hers.

Well, Lindsay’s awesome former girlfriend, Samantha Ronson, did not take too kindly to those words, so she told Joan about it:

Hey Joan Rivers- you have collagen older than Lindsay, pick on someone your own age, oh wait, I guess people that old can’t hear. #bully

It looks to me like Samantha totally won that little Twitter battle, because Joan didn’t respond to that.  Lindsay did though – with a retweet, a “thank you,” and a winky face.  A beautiful ending to such a remarkable tale of courage.

But seriously, look at them.  I mean, I’m not going to pretend like I’m any kind of familiar with Emily Blunt’s work or that I’ve seen John Krasinski in anything besides of The Office (well, I saw the first five minutes of Brief Interviews with Hideous Men, but it was pretty hideous itself so we didn’t get any further than that).  I don’t think I have to see anything other than this picture to be filled with a sort of vicarious but well-meaning joy at the thought of this couple’s wedding.  I realize that might make me a tad bit creepy, but fuck it, they are precious and I love it.

Found some Justin Bieber pics from this month’s Seventeen magazine for your eyes to feast on. Don’t spoil your lunch.

“I was raised in unique and trying environments, but they were also amazing platforms for me to have an extraordinary life. Going through hell as a kid made me sensitive to what others in this world go through too.”

- The awesome and inspirational Drew Barrymore according to imnotobsessed. Take notes, Lindsay! Take notes!

We all knew the “Michael Lohan Guide to Prison Survival” was going to get released at some point, and thankfully we didn’t have to wait long. Michael gave an interview to US Weekly about his daughter Lindsay’s jail sentence and the things she can do to get by most easily while in there.

Let’s read that, shall we?

It’s not going to be a good experience for her. Right now, she should be working on rectifying the situation and getting better.

It’s just a horrible experience. Twenty-three hours a day, she’ll be locked up. I’m going to get her out of that cell as much as I can. And Kate will be there, and we’ll work to get her out of that cell as much as possible.

She knows I still want to throw her in [rehab]. I’ve been trying to tell her how much I love her, that I’m behind her, that when she’s ready, I’m ready to help her.

If she would just realize that what she’s taking is toxic…. Dina has denied that Lindsay is on prescription meds. Lindsay has denied that she is on prescription meds. Her friends have. Everyone has! And look at her! They’re lying.”

Dina should be concentrating on helping Lindsay get off of the prescription drugs instead of stealing Fudgy the Whales from Carvel!

I had a feeling that Lindsay might go to jail and I wanted to be there for her, but I wanted to be there, more importantly, to submit the letter to the judge in hopes that she would just give her rehab, which she did consider and I appreciate that. But at the same time, Lindsay is not a criminal. She is a woman with a disease. She really is. She needs help. She needs medical attention.”

Get off the adderall, that I agree with. Visitation will probably be an important thing to her sanity, sure. Rehab? Well, she’s definitely not going to be allowed to take adderall in jail, and the court sentenced her to a 90 day rehab treatment after her 90 days in jail, so that’s actually covered. And re: those Carvel cakes… You shut the fuck up, Michael Lohan. Let her eat all the Fudgy the Whales she wants.