It’s funny because the way the headset mic is positioned it looks like she has no front teeth most of the time. Like someone finally walked up to her in a mall in Toronto and said “If I hear ‘Bad Romance’ on the radio one more time, I’m gonna fucking punch you in the fucking face,” and then, like, five seconds later, the early strains of “Bad Romance” began blaring through the mall’s music system, and it was all over for Gaga’s front teeth.

Switzerland released Polanski upon the nation’s unwitting children today, much to the chagrin of, well, everyone. The Swiss government decided not to extradite Polanski to the US, where he’d certainly serve a stringent jail sentence, so odds are that Polanski’s going to hide out in Switzerland for awhile until the storm settles — which, for some people, will be never.

According to the AP:

The Swiss government declared renowned film director Roman Polanski a free man on Monday after rejecting a U.S. request to extradite him on a charge of having sex in 1977 with a 13-year-old girl. The Swiss mostly blamed U.S. authorities for failing to provide confidential testimony about Polanski’s sentencing procedure in 1977-1978. The stunning decision could end the United States’ three-decade pursuit of Polanski, unless he travels to another country that would be willing to apprehend him and weigh sending him to Los Angeles. France, where he has spent much of his time, does not extradite its own citizens, and the public scrutiny over Switzerland’s deliberations may dissuade other nations from making such a spectacular arrest. “Mr. Polanski can now move freely. Since 12:30 today he’s a free man,” Justice Minister Eveline Widmer-Schlumpf declared. Authorities in Los Angeles and Washington cannot appeal the Swiss decision. Sandy Gibbons, a spokeswoman for the Los Angeles County District Attorney’s Office, declined to comment.

I’m glad Mr. Polanski can now “move freely.” That’s just fabulous. Let’s hope the sick fuck doesn’t move his shit all over another thirteen year-old’s asshole again, since it’s clear that no punishment affects Polanski’s perverse gonads. And to all of you celebrities backing Polanski because he’s some kind of motherfucking “misunderstood artist” or whatever? FUCK YOU. Great example you’re setting! Let’s free the child-raping celebrity — the perp is famous and more than likely will get away with it, so why the hell not. FUCK YOU, celebrities in the support of Roman Polanski — and shame on you, too. I hope you’re happy now.

And failing. Miserably. Failing miserably. Did I mention that they failed? Miserably?

The cast of Jersey Shore was photographed in attendance at the KIIS-FM “Now 34 and the Jersey Shore” party that was held at some pool that looks like it’d fit in perfectly at your local hotel-motel-Holiday Inn, naturally.

They all look, uh, great. Just great. I mean, Snooki herself looks almost half of the troll that she normally appears to be, The Situation’s shirt is only 3/4 of the way up, and JWoww has somehow managed to restrain her massive tits in a manner that doesn’t look like they’re choking the living shit out of her. Apparently, the night was a win. As for the rest of the cast? I can’t even fucking remember who they are.

On Saturday, Pamela Anderson hosted her 43rd birthday party at Tao in Las Vegas, where she was, as best I can tell, completely fucking blitzed and trying to initiate a makeout session with a cake shaped like a black man’s penis wearing a fifth-grader’s piano recital dress. (Seriously, what is that cake supposed to be?)

That same day, Carmen Electra, age 38, hosted a night at the Rio. I assume, based on her brief marriage to Dennis Rodman, it was Carmen who explained to the staff at Tao what it looks like when a black man’s penis is dressed in a fifth-grader’s piano recital dress.

Carmen had her beau Rob Patterson in tow (that’s Patterson, the former guitarist from Korn, although I would give my left arm for Carmen Electra to date Rob Pattinson. Which could, ya know, happen, because Pattinson’s announced plans to systematically fuck anything that walks.)

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With a fresh crop of oozing zits, that is.

… How old are you, Jon? And you’re still breaking out like a pubescent little boy who’s hiding dirty magazines underneath his mattress and who can’t go more than 45 minutes without jacking off?

Oh, wait.

Yeah, normally I wouldn’t make fun of someone for something out of their control — like over-active facial sebaceous glands — but Jon Gosselin sucks, so I’m socking it to him and hitting him where it hurts. (I’d knock him in the nuts, but I’ve heard that I might have a hard time finding them, and frankly, I don’t have that kind of time on my hands these days.)

The grosser-half of the former Gosselin marriage is photographed at Millions of Milkshakes in West Hollywood, sucking back a milkshake that probably has 1500 calories in it. Not that, you know, that might have anything to do with the condition of his skin.

Keep sucking, Jon — stick to what you’re good at.

We’ve finally got the remainder of the interview! Dina did her interview a few days ago, which we covered here at EB, but ET had only released snippets to the interwebs.  So I thought I’d re-share everything amusing, and give you visual to everything insane that Dina spouts.

And for a 57 second video, Mama Blow sure had me wishing it was over at, like, the 29 second mark.

Lindsay Lohan’s mom, not unlike her daughter, is chock-full of denial, disgust with the court system, and drug face. Yes, you read that correctly, drug face. Unless this woman was born this way — and who knows, it could happen — there’s no denying that she’s got some drug demons of her own to battle, but that’s an issue for another less-Lohan-filled day. Like sometime next century. Lohan fallout, much like nuclear warfare, stays around for-fucking-ever. Take cover, bitches.

If you were one of the strong of heart (and by “strong of heart,” I mean “able to stomach the entire video”) here’s another, but I warn you — this one’s almost three minutes long. Can you do it? Are you up to the challenge?

Let me know how long you last before you can’t take it anymore and you slam your face off of the keyboard in an effort to stop this video.