Damn. Time is wild, when you think about it. I mean, there was no way we could have ever predicted that the pants-dropping white rapper from Boston would one day grow up to be a credible actor and producer. In a way, Mark Wahlberg getting a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame is inspirational to hacky performers and D-listers everywhere. Ke$ha, one day you could be one of the most powerful movie executives in Hollywood. Nicky Hilton, one day your name could be next to Capra and Scorsese on a short list of the best directors of all time. Guys, before we die, do you realize that we could see Justin Bieber win an Oscar for Best Song? Or even Best Supporting Actor?

Hollywood, man. You are one crunk bitch.

Tyson Beckford (yeah, remember him?) is still on his game. [Celebslam]

Please don’t tell me someone actually had the nerve (and bad judgement … and scruples) to stick silicone implants in young Ali Lohan’s chest. [Celebitchy]

It’s about damned time Marky-Mark Wahlberg got a star on the Walk of Fame. [popbytes]

Kate Beckinsale for the Total Recall reboot? Yes on Kate, no on the remake. [Pajiba]

Even the Brits think Lady Gaga’s an asshat. She’d probably wear that, too. [Amy Grindhouse]

Amanda Seyfried and Julianne Moore do crazy lesbian-like things together. NSFW. [CityRag]

Alicia Keys got married! [Pop on the Pop]

The weirdest, most uncomfortable thing I’ve watched in a long time … and I’m still deciding if it’s funny. Or just weird. Hats off to you, Britney. [OMGBlog]

Madonna should have the same kinds of treatments on her hands that she’s clearly having on her face. Gross, Vadge. [Celebrity Smack Blog]

Another sexed-up Russian spy hits the US, will probably break into pornos. [Zelda Lily]

Harry Potter Daniel Radcliffe turned twenty-one yesterday, and we’ve got the photos documenting his good time.

Dan’s really seemed to come into his own, and regardless of what he does in the future, he’ll always have a legacy of good acting to fall back on — even if his heyday was playing a school-aged wizard in my favorite movies of all time.

I don’t care how many times you show your penis on stage, you’ll always be Harry Potter to me, and I’m OK with that, friend.

Happy Birthday!

So, it looks like Ellen DeGeneres and Kara DioGuardi are leaving American Idol this season, and it looks like J. Lo (does she even go by “J. Lo” anymore, or is it back to Jennifer Lopez again? I never do know.) is slated to take Ellen’s place. According to Ellen, the show just wasn’t a fit:

“A couple months ago, I let FOX and the American Idol producers know that this didn’t feel like the right fit for me … I told them I wouldn’t leave them in a bind and that I would hold off on doing anything until they were able to figure out where they wanted to take the panel next. It was a difficult decision to make, but my work schedule became more than I bargained for. I also realized this season that while I love discovering, supporting and nurturing young talent, it was hard for me to judge people and sometimes hurt their feelings. I loved the experience working on Idol and I am very grateful for the year I had, I am a huge fan of the show and will continue to be.”

As for why Kara’s leaving? According to TMZ, she was fired. FIRED. STBY, Kara. You never really did it for me, anyway. And there’s a possibility of Steven Tyler taking Kara’s place? Damn. Producers are really pulling out the big guns: Jennifer Lopez! Steven Tyler! Randy Jackson! Starring in: It’s Not Even American Idol Anymore, Who the Fuck’s Gonna Watch This Shit Now!

“I dyed my hair the whole time on Friends. I just was sick of doing it.”

Matt LeBlanc on his now-magically grey hair. I guess we’re supposed to be surprised. Or say something like, “Oh, Joey, you zany, zany Tribbiani, you, keeping this kind of stuff from us!” But I’m not surprised. And I’m not going to do much gushing about the fact that LeBlanc’s hair is completely grey. Probably because I was never really a big Friends fan, believe it or not.

[Waits with bated breath for the armies of Friends syndication past to show up at my door, armed with explosives.]

I’ve been reading all over the webs over the past twenty-four hours that Miranda Kerr is pregnant, and a lot of the stories seem kind of vague in their confirmations. This one says that Orlando “accidentally” leaked it to hotel staff, another one features Heidi Klum talking about how adorable a Mirlando child will be, so you know what? I’m taking this fucking ball, and I’m running with it.

MIRANDA KERR’S PREGNANT! OMG! WTF! WOW!

OK, now that we’ve got that covered, multiple sources have confirmed that Kerr’s carrying the offspring of Orlando Bloom in her womb (hey, that rhymes … if you pronounce womb correctly, anyway; I’ve heard stranger things), and I really think it’s true. Miranda sat for an interview earlier in the year and stated that she’d love nothing more than to settle down and raise kids on a solar-powered farm somewhere out in God’s country. So, girl, here’s your chance. Orlando must be stoked. You turned him down twice (that we’re aware of), so maybe he just decided to take matters into his own hands and “fake” a condom or accidentally toss one of your birth control pills down the drain. Oopsie!

A preemptive congratulations to the parents to be!