AND IT BEGINS!!!

It doesn’t look like our precious LiLo is going to maneuver her way out of a jail stay, after having been dumped by her high-profile, short-term lawyer Robert Shapiro. Sources say that Lindsay’s former lawyer, Shawn Chapman Holley, will accompany her to the courthouse tomorrow, where she is expected to surrender at 8:30 am.

“My advice to the defendant, Ms. Lohan, is to show up tomorrow, on time,” said Danette Meyers, the Deputy District Attorney prosecuting the case.

Tragically, the whole thing may not be caught on camera. From CNN:

Superior Court Judge Marsha Revel has placed tight restrictions on what the public will be able to see at the court hearing.

While the world watched as Lohan broke down in tears at her sentencing on July 6, the public won’t be able to see the actress handcuffed and taken into custody on Tuesday, the judge ruled.

Cameras also must stop rolling when the judge announces that Lohan is remanded and the bailiff is instructed to take her into custody. The judge also ordered that photos of Lohan must be restricted to when she’s at the counsel table.

That’s kind of a bummer, but I guess it comes hand-in-hand with a judge who actually fucking cares whether this young girl lives or dies.

LINDSAY! GET EXCITED! This is an opportunity to actually be no-bullshit sober for six months. To have a gods-honest shot at actually turning your life around for the better. I’m so excited for you! It’s the beginning, Lindsay!

What do you guys think? Will Lindsay Lohan actually go to jail tomorrow:

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My second-favorite Jersey Shore-ite, Jenni “JWoww” Farley, shows us what she paid for on the pages of Maxim. I actually kind of dig this shoot. Despite the fact that certain parts of her (coughbellybuttoncough) have been Photoshopped to within an inch of their lives, a lot of it comes off very natural and womanly. I like how you can see her freckles in most of the shots. That’s cute. I like you, JWoww. I see big things for you.

Well, actually, right now I just see big things on you, and the truth is once this Jersey Shore thing passes we’ll never see or hear from you again, but for right now, kiddo, I like the way you’re playin’ it.

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On the eve of Lindsay’s first day of jail time (check back tomorrow, as we’ll be celebrating HAPPY LINDSAY LOHAN GOES TO JAIL DAY!), Robert Shapiro has quit as her attorney, after only three days of representing her.

Shapiro and Lindsay abruptly met with Judge Marsha Revel late Monday afternoon. The prosecutor in the case was not present for the meeting. The high-profile attorney — who, yes, represented OJ Simpson — did not say why he quit on Lindsay, but in earlier public statements, he said he would represent her only if she agreed to go to jail and followed his instructions.

My guess is she did neither. But you don’t exactly have to be a genius to puzzle that one out. But, like, THANK GOD there are some people around her who aren’t total enablers and psychopaths — some people who have some understanding of her disease and are willing to be like, “No, Lindsay Lohan, if you’re going to be behave this way, we’re not going to support you.”

“Ms. Lohan is suffering from a disease that I am all too familiar with,” Shapiro said publicly when he took her case — his son died of a drug overdose in 2005, and he’s since created a sober living facility in LA where Lindsay’s been camping out since he became her attorney.

Court records show that even though Shapiro has been representing Lindsay these past several days, her previous attorney, Shawn Chapman Holley, never signed the substitution of attorney form, so technically she is still the attorney of record. She quit when she heard rumors that Lindsay was shopping around for another attorney.

So who the hell is going to show up with Lindsay tomorrow when she’s supposed to book into jail?

Her Twitter feed — which has been mostly ads today — ended with this as of 8pm Monday:

the only “bookings” that i’m familiar with are Disney Films, never thought that i’d be “booking” into Jail… eeeks

Tomorrow?

Is going to be sooooo much fun.

Yesterday Lady Gaga reached out to her fans over Twitter to let them know they should ignore the protesters outside of her St. Louis show and in the process of doing so, she annoyed the hell out of anyone who didn’t live in St. Louis and follows her on Twitter. OK, so probably not everyone, but definitely me. I had a low battery on my phone and every 30 seconds my UberTwitter was refreshing with the next 280 characters of Gaga’s long-winded message.

Twitter is a great way for celebs to reach out to their fans… in 140 characters just like everyone else does. When you cross over into a 12-Tweet message, just start a freakin’ blog like John Mayer already. This reminds me of that time that that dude with the ugly nostrils was Tweeting about getting attacked by sea life or some dumb-ass shit and my Twitter was clogged up with his crap for hours. Ugh! 140 characters, people! 140 or take it elsewhere!

Jennifer Love Hewitt, who was once somewhat of an It Girl, has resorted to making Lifetime Original movies and plugging them enthusiastically as if she didn’t just take the job to pay her electric bill. Her movie The Client List, which premieres tonight, is about a mother who resorts to prostitution in order to cover her family’s bills.

Jennifer talked with Us Weekly about the “film” and made it sound like it’s a really important piece about where we’re at as a society:

“Given where we are economically, it’s an interesting story… this is the most recession-proof business there is! It’s really a movie about the human condition, and the heart, and where life can take you. [Samantha] has no choice at the end of the day but to give everything that she can in order to take care of her family. She really thinks she’s doing the best thing possible for them, and it just gets out of hand. … It takes her on a rollercoaster ride.”

Wow, if that’s not a woman who’s never had to worry about her finances’ opinion on prostitution, than I don’t know what is.

Jennifer’s acting getting mixed reviews, but that only makes me want to watch it even more. I can tell that this is going to be one of those unforgettable Mother May I Sleep With Danger?/Baby Monitor: Sound Of Fear-level Lifetime Originals.

Bear with me for a sec. So 16-year old actress/singer Taylor Momsen recently did an interview in which she allegedly said that she’s bored with men and that these days, her vibrator is her best friend. I think the immediate reaction that people are having is that it’s wildly inappropriate for a teenage girl to be talking about getting herself off with a battery operated device, but I think this is actually one of the smartest things I’ve ever head a young star say in response to a dating question.

Here’s the thing: If Taylor Momsen is telling teenage girls that instead of spending time with dudes, they can stay at home and masturbate and not feel embarrassed about it, I think that’s a great thing. It’s certainly the best argument for abstinence that I’ve ever heard. She’s not even saying “don’t have sex” or pretending that teenagers don’t want to get off like the rest of the world, she’s just saying, “Hey, just because I don’t hang out with pointless dudes doesn’t mean I’m not getting mine.” That’s like, borderline the most mature thing I’ve ever heard a teenager say. Ever.