And I am still not going to hate on him.

Here’s what happened.  Bret has two buses, and they got pulled over in Indiana last night because they didn’t have any trailer tag lights.  Bret Michaels let the officers do an open search of the buses, and drug dogs found weed on both buses.  They also found “a quantity of Schedule II controlled substances” on the bus that Bret wasn’t on.  Nobody was arrested, but charges were sent to the prosecutor’s office, so we’ll see how everything turns out.

When I first saw the “Bret Michaels!  Busted!  Drugs!” headlines, I was pretty bummed, I’m not gonna lie.  I had this horrible image of cops rushing on to the bus to find Bret Michaels cowered naked in the tiny bathroom with a lighter and a spoon.  But if he just had weed, then that’s fine.  People can say all they want about how it’s still an illegal substance and you have to respect the law and it can destroy your life, but really?  The dude has a hole in his heart, just let him get high on his bus if he wants to.

So I woke up this afternoon (and I don’t need your judgement for that part) to discover a dream I never knew I had had come true.

There’s going to be a special episode of Kate Plus 8 in which the family takes a trip to Alaska and – wait for it! – goes on a camping trip with Sarah Palin!  The glee is nearly too much to handle!

The story, which Kate’s people haven’t commented on, was originally reported by In Touch:

“Sarah, Kate and the kids will go camping,” a source says, adding that Sarah’s father, a retired science teacher, and brother, a third-grade educator, will conduct a hands-on natural history lesson for 9-year-old twins Mady and Cara, and 6-year-old sextuplets Aaden, Joel, Collin, Leah, Hannah and Alexis. A mother of a big family herself, former vice presidential candidate Sarah is thrilled about the upcoming visit. “She’s excited because it will be fun and educational for the children. Sarah will even teach Kate how to avoid bears!” the insider adds.

I have never seen an episode of Kate Plus 8 before, but you better believe I will be tuning in if this episode is real.  I want to learn elementary science alongside Kate Gosselin.  I want Sarah Palin to indirectly teach me how to avoid bears.  And I’m pretty sure I want to play a drinking game while doing all of that.

And before you do, I’ll have you know that the gentleman in the off-white turtleneck in the center of the photo is Jersey Shore‘s Mike “The Sitution” Sorrentino, even though I totally thought he was the guy on the far right … Bwahaha!

Cameron Diaz, who’s been a thorn in my side in the past, has finally stumbled upon some rather poignant gems of insight on — surprisingly — the topic of love and marriage and life-long partnerships. She recently spoke exclusively to the UK’s Stylist magazine, and after they asked her the obligatory “What’s your opinion of relationships” question, she replied:

“I think the big misconception in our society is that we’re supposed to meet the one when we’re 18 and we’re supposed to get married to them and love them for the rest of our lives. Bullshit.”

She delves even further into her opinion on love and relationships and says:

“Who would want to be with the same person for 80 years? Why not break it up a little bit? I think people get freaked out about getting married and spending 20 or 30 years sleeping with the same person but if that’s the case, don’t do it. Have someone for five years and another person for another five years. Life is long and lucky and yes, love might last forever, but you don’t always live with the person you love forever.”

And you know what? She’s actually absolutely right — I agree with her whole-heartedly. Are you surprised? You should be.

Keep this kind of thinking up, Cammy, and I might actually like you one day soon!

According to “sources close to Lindsay Lohan,” she’s having a hard time with some of the prison staff at Lynwood, and can’t get access to non-gross drinking water.

Prison staff told TMZ that prisoners can “order” water once a week, and since Lindsay came in halfway through a cycle, she’s not entitled to ordering fresh drinking water until sometime next week.

Though I’m not completely sure if I believe it all, or whether or not the story’s been embellished for dramatic flair, it would suck if that were true. I drink water from the time I wake up to the time I fall asleep (and yes, if you were wondering, I do pee a lot) and it’d be really awful if someone told me I couldn’t. And drinking out of a prison sink faucet? Yeah, it’s jail, but come on.

I just found out that Orlando Bloom finally caved and married that beast Miranda Kerr. I mean, it doesn’t exactly surprise me; they got engaged last month, so it was maybe a little bit inevitable, but I’m briefly saddened nonetheless.

The first time I saw Bloom grace the silver screen was in Elizabethtown (yeah, I’m not such a Lord of the Rings fan) with Kirsten Dunst, and I was smitten since.

Congratulations on marrying one of the most beautiful women on the planet, Orlando — I could expect nothing less from you, and I’m wishing you guys all the happiness in the world, so, whatever.

These two crazy kids are out celebrating their marriage, on their honeymoon, and probably having lots and lots of hot sex. And for that? I am jealous. But I got mine — that picture above? Hottest. thing. ever.