I think I speak for most women when I say that. Don’t even lie, ladies.
Did you guys catch the premiere of his dating show, The Ultimate Catch, last night? I swear, of all the reality TV dating shows I’ve watched over the course of my life (and there have been many, I’m sad to admit), I have always been kind of like “What are these girls fighting over? This dude sucks.” Like, Jake Pavelka? He’s a decent-looking guy, but about as exciting as that final World Cup game. (OMG U GUYS I MADE A SPORTS REFERENCE! Also: I only know that the game was boring because people were talking about it on Twitter. Actually: I know that the game was boring because the game was soccer.)
I did have a marginal crush on Andrew Firestone back in the day, when I was young and naive and stupid, and before one of my friends actually slept with him and told me he’s a total snoozefest.
But now: Chad Ochocinco! I’m in love. I’m totally smitten. He’s unbelievably fucking sexy, he’s smart, he’s crazy ambitious, he’s funny, he’s charming, he’s interesting, he doesn’t even drink, and he seems genuinely invested in treating other people with respect. Did I mention that he’s unbelievably fucking sexy?
Oh, Chad Ochocinco. I love everything I’ve seen of you so far, and I assume I’ll like the parts I haven’t seen even better. Can we go on a date soon please? Can we go on a date in your bedroom? You can pick me up at 7. Pick me up and do anything you want with me.
I love you.
Not only will you have to take a number, he will also. I would say approximately 75% of these “drop in” posts that you do are when you are creaming over some dude and expressing what a cheap date and easy fuck you would be. More power to you, it’s your vagina, but maybe that’s why you’re always pissing and moaning about being single. Any guy that was interested in you only has to look at your blog and see that you have a desire to fuck a quarter of the world population. Oh … my ticket number is 30,362,456. I’ll be waiting. What do you think? Maybe by early 2012?
All that, and he’s got an ego the size of about ochocinco football fields. Anyone who would want to have a reality dating show is someone that you probably shouldn’t want to date.