Today's Evil Beet Gossip

A Gross, Raven-Colored, Nappy-Haired Visual I Did Not Need This Morning

picture of russell brand being weird

So, you all know the World Cup is (still) going on. It’s all I hear about on the news, from my friends, and from the goddamned vuvuzelas, which, incidentally, make me want to hang myself. K?

Well, it looks like Katy Perry’s kind of sick of hearing about the Cup, too, and now she claims that fiance Russell Brand is shunning her in favor of various matches — and by “various,” I mean “all.”

However, it doesn’t look like she’s taking it to heart. She claims that she’s got the eternal one-up on the World Cup, and it all has to do with BLOWJOBS. ORAL SEX. FELLATIO. All of that. Perry blasts the Cup, saying:

“Oh, I’m a World Cup widow. It’s been tough. What did Russell say to me the other day? He did this little play on words and ended up saying that he loved the World Cup more than me. But I know that’s not the case. The World Cup does not give blow jobs. That’s one thing I win.”

She’s probably not all too bothered about it, though, anyway. Having Russell Brand’s beady-eyed attention drawn away from you? Worth a thousand words — ones that I have no gumption to sit here and type out for you (I’m already at 210, no pun intended). But it’s a win.  Having an excuse not to blow Russell Brand ’cause he’s too tied up in futbol? Epic win, indeed.

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