After a pregnancy was speculated for a good long while, it’s finally been confirmed that Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon are indeed having a child together. An exclusive was given to RadarOnline saying that the couple “want to keep the pregnancy quiet as long as they can,” but that “they’re both very excited and very happy.”
This is going to be a brilliant adventure, you guys. If Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon get remarried every year, what are they going to do with a child? They’ll probably be those crazy parents who throw their kid a birthday party every month – my aunt and uncle did that with my cousin, and that little girl did not turn out well-adjusted at all. Bitch tried to open my presents at Christmas and on my birthday, but I’m 10 years older than her and I never had no qualms about shoving a toddler. Kids gotta learn.
As odd as this might sound to some of you, I find Jane Lynch terribly attractive. Kind of in the way that I find Rachel Maddow uber-attractive. I guess there’s just something about a woman with short hair and a big smile who’s assertive and commanding that just totally appeals to me.
Jane Lynch, star of Glee, married her girlfriend Lara Embry in a small ceremony in Massachusetts yesterday afternoon:
Lynch donned a cream wrap blouse and black pants, while Embry wore an ivory and black cocktail dress.
Twenty-one guests, including the newlyweds, feasted on a dinner comprised of striped bass, truffle mushroom salad and pan-seared breast of duck. For dessert, everyone reportedly enjoyed a house-made cake filled with chocolate mousse, vanilla butter cream and fresh strawberries while a four-piece jazz combo played during the reception.
“It was small, warm, intimate and very sweet,” Snow told the mag [People]. “You could feel the love and friendship amongst the group.”
Striped bass? Chocolate mousse, fresh strawberries and a four-piece jazz combo? Uh, yes, please. All that with a side of Jane Lynch and I’d be one happy bitch myself.
Call Willy Wonka, ’cause his favorite Oompa Loompa has escaped the compound and is now recording videos on shitty webcams, looking for love.
Jersey Shore‘s favorite poof-haired troll goes live on her webcam and discusses what she (still) wants in a man (that she still hasn’t found after all this time in reality TV purgatory). She talks about what she wants in men, and not crickets, and no, I have no fucking clue what that means because I don’t speak Sasquatchese, either.
She also claims that she needs to find a really hot man that’s orange and who can match her “big frickin’ personality,” ’cause it’s “way out there.” Kind of like her wacked-out Winger hair.
Just watch the video. Even though I’m going to summarize what she wants in a man below, watch the video anyway, because it’s probably one of the purest forms of crash-victim-type entertainment that you’ll experience this year.
Snooki’s Top Ten List For Her Ideal Man
10. Looks.
9. Looks.
8. Respect (for Ed Hardy).
7. Grunting as a primary form of communication.
6. Orange-ness. And looks.
5. Respect for her family and apologies that you’re kind of attracted to something this overtly needy and embarrassing.
4. Someone who hates being single as much as she does.
3. Looks.
2. Someone who will train her “best friend” cat to fist-pump.
1. Someone to buy her a better webcam, ’cause all of her Jersey Shoremoney is tied up in bananas and blow.
I’m willing to bet about four or five sets at this point … the bitches just seem to be coming in over and over again. It’s like every other month or so, she’s getting some wisdom teeth pulled. Are they taking them out piece by piece? Chip by chip?
Just in time for her court-ordered sobriety, Lindsay’s got to have her wisdom teeth out, which her doctor claims will have to involve some heavy-duty pain medication. Honestly, I can’t blame her on that one. I had my wisdom teeth out about a year and a half ago and I was such a baby about the oral pain that I requested to be put to sleep during the procedure. While a shitload of my friends had gone before, ones who’d already had their wisdom teeth pulled, they’d gone a different route and used a local anesthetic. But not me, no way.
And even when they began to run the IV to put me out, my blood pressure was through the roof. The doctor gently asked me if I wanted some gas to alleviate my nerves; I said yes. The last thing I remember was laughing giddily, the gas mask on my face, asking “What is this stuff?” I woke up God-knows how much later with cotton strips hanging out of my mouth and my first fuzzy waking thought was, “walrus.”
Kirsten Dunst attended a court hearing yesterday afternoon in NYC, regarding a burglary incident that took place back in 2007. A man had allegedly broken into the star’s hotel suite, and ended up with both Kirsten’s and her assistant’s purses.
Dunst’s assistant, Liat Baruch, was said to have a considerable marijuana stash lodged away in her purse (… and why her purse? The stuff still is illegal, aren’t there better hideyholes for such things?) and when Dunst was questioned on the stand she claimed that she did not smoke pot … but knew for a fact that her assistant did.
Come on, now. Let’s be real. Some of these ensembles that Kirsten hits the down in have to be chosen while stoned. Nothing else makes sense. Aside from that pretty scathing evidence (oh, and the fact that she positively squawked about her weed-love back in ’07), Dunst always struck me as a pothead, anyway. She just looks like she’d get on famously with both Woody Harrelson and Matthew McConaughey, but maybe it’s the wads of unbrushed blonde hair. Hey … Birds of a feather and all that.
The alleged thief, James Jiminez, has pled not guilty, but this is his second trial; the first was held back in October of 2009 and he was convicted. What a weird situation. Looks like someone’s been hitting up the Mary Jane pretty hard. Doesn’t seem like anyone involved with this case knows what the hell is going on. Still. Must have been some pretty killer bud, guys.
Let’s just review the facts about the kids on Jersey Shore: 1) They’re white trash (sorry if that offends you, but be real), 2) They suddenly have money to burn, and 3) They’re living in Miami. Is it any wonder that rumors are flying that the some of the Shore kids are scoring yeyo down in South Beach like it ain’t no thang? Hmmm, didn’t MTV just have a character on a reality show do the exact same thing? And didn’t E! do something like that before both of these shows? Just sayin’
“Finding someone to buy drugs from in South Beach is as easy as asking for it,” the source said. “It’s not hard and everyone is discreet.”
The cast members do get some time to go off by themselves and when the cameras weren’t rolling that’s when the extracurricular activity began.
“A connection was made and that’s all it took,” the source told RadarOnline.com. “A lot of things were done in code. Other people knew about it but no one ratted out this person.”
Drugs were not done in the house where everyone lived and the individual who scored coke was very careful to keep it away from the spotlight.
“But they all know each other so well. They will never admit it, never admit it happened,” the source added. “But it was an open secret among some.
Not to act crazy jaded, but no duh these kids are doing drugs. There’s a television show based on how wild they are when they go out partying together, obviously they’re not just hitting the bottle. One can’t maintain a relentless fist pump without the aid of some kind of stimulant, you know what I’m saying? I’m not condoning their drug use, but if we’re going to insist on keeping these jackasses on television, I’m not going to critique their survival tactics.
She. Is. Marvelous. Seriously marvelous. And super gorgeous. I am not generally a fan of short hair, on guys or girls (late ’90s men’s fashion was a nightmare for me, and I was only in middle school), but she looks so...
I would like to tell you that the term “retard” is very offensive to me. I am not offended because I ASSUME it would offend someone who has mental retardation. I am offened on how the word came to...
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