Following Amy Winehouse’s condition is similar to riding a rollercoaster or dating an abusive dude. Just when you think the ride is going smoothly, you forget to get his frozen corn at the supermarket and the next thing you know you’re vomiting in front of a turnstile wondering why you paid 60 dollars to do this all day. You know? It’s just like that. I mean, I thought Winehouse was shaping up, but these pictures of her leaving a London pub say otherwise. And honey? Your implants are showing.

Lance Bass recently posted these photos on his Facebook, taken at a recent photo shoot by Mike Ruiz.  And I don’t get it.

Ok, Nsync has been over for years, so it’s not like he’s trying to break away from that wholesome image.  He came out a few years ago, so it’s not really like a cheeky “fuck all y’all, I rock makeup too, go ahead and suck it.”  And he never went to space like he wanted to.  I don’t know how that’s immediately relevant, it just always disappointed me.

I’m not trying to judge you, Lance Bass.  I mean, whatever you want to do, that’s cool, I’ll support you.  You wanna wear makeup and weird eyebrows and hair that doesn’t make you look like a frat boy from the late 90′s, that’s cool.  It doesn’t matter, because I recognize that it’s just about respect, and you get me hyped and you do it to me every time (this is an ok demographic to quote Nsync lyrics to, right?).

Rue McClanahan, 76, died early this morning after suffering a massive stroke.  Her manager told People that she “had her family with her. She went in peace.”

Rue started out in theatre in the 1950′s, and she continued to act on stage throughout her career; most recently, she was in Broadway’s hit Wicked. However, her most famous roles were on television.  She was in the amazing Mama’s Family and Maude, not to mention her outstanding work in Golden Girls. When you think of great actors, Rue McClanahan might not immediately come to mind, but she (along with all the Golden Girls) had a lot of talent, and comedic timing like nobody’s business.  She’ll definitely be missed.

Oh, barf. Like, really. Barf.

If ever there were two people who should stay far, far from one another, it’s Samantha Ronson and Lindsay Lohan. While I dig the two of them on their own (one a bit more than the other, naturally), combining their forces is like sticking a wet finger into a live light socket. Great idea, huh?

Yeah, that’s what I thought, too. (And I speak from experience … I’ve done it. We won’t talk about this again.)

At any rate, exclusive insiders at Betty Confidential claim that Sam and Lindsay are definitely back on and it’s all being attributed to Lindsay’s latest stint of sobriety:

… Now that Lindsay has to put down the bottle, Sam is having a change of heart.

“Sam still cares for Lindsay,” says our source, “and now that Lindsay is staying sober, Sam is proud of her and knows they can at least talk without getting into any fights.”

And not only are the two being civil toward one another (no nipple pinching or face-spitting or crotch stabbing), they actually talked for, like, hours the other night:

“They spent the night talking recently – all night long – and they are on their way to mending their broken relationship,” our source says. “It’s going to take more than one night of talking, but it’s a start. As long as Lindsay stays sober and healthy, Sam will be there for her through her sentencing.”

Great. I can just see how this one’s going to pan out. Lohan stays kinda-sober until her probation is up and Ronson (who, in a fit of renewed dedication to her on-again, off-again girlfriend, dyes her hair blonde to match her lady love’s over-processed, lackluster locks) sticks with it — and yes, by “it,” I do mean Lohan — until the very first post-freedom bender occurs. Then the fur’s just gonna fly. Cats within a thirty-mile radius will be running for cover and liquor stores are going to shut their doors, bolt their locks and board their windows. I’m betting that Lindsay and Sam last as long as this court-ordered sobriety does — and that’s not much longer than a fortnight as it were.

After receiving reviews that his shows were entirely too bawdy and raunchy, former American Idol contestant Adam Lambert promises that his next roundup of shows will be “tasteful.” Sexy, yes, naturally, but “tasteful,” too.

Damn.

Lambert kicks off his concert series in Wilkes-Barre, Pennsylvania (Ha! Not too far from where I was born and raised!) today and promises good, clean family fun:

“I definitely think they’ll be comfortable,” Lambert said of fans who will see him on the tour, which begins Thursday (June 3) in Wilkes-Barre, Pennsylvania. “That was kind of an artistic experiment, the AMAs. I learned a lot from it. I learned what my limitations are. I learned what my audience wants to see. The (Glam Nation) concert definitely is sexy, but I feel if anyone thought (the AMA performance) was not tasteful, this is tasteful.”

So. Are you bummed that Lambert’s turning down the heat on his facial bumping-and-grinding ways, or are you happy to see that onstage simulated anal sex is no longer part of his gimmick?

And now he and Miley Cyrus are apparently on a break. He’s supposedly outta the country, outta the Arkansas-or-wherever-the-fuck limelight and reportedly, out of Miley Cyrus’ life — and it’s all due to the ever-present, lurking, leering Billy Ray Cyrus.

The National Enquirer reports (and yeah, I know National Enquirer, boo) that Hemsworth and Cyrus recently split because of her meddling family and jealousy over Hemsworth’s new-found fame:

A source tells the National Enquirer, “The result was a vicious fight – and Liam bolted. He said he’s tired of her folks’ interference and that Miley’s jealous that his film career has taken off.”

Hemsworth, 20, is said to have since moved back in with his brother Chris at the Hollywood apartment they previously shared. And Cyrus herself appears to have confirmed the romance is on hiatus – when asked by the tabloid about their relationship status, she is quoted as saying, “(We) are on a break.”

Is this going to be the catalyst to send Miley off into a Britney-post-Justin-breakup type of breakdown? Is she going to push for an even more sexually-charged image in retaliation of Hemsworth’s decision to break off the relationship in a grimacing effort to try and win him back? Just please, please, please give up don’t give up, Miley …. and always remember:

” … ain’t about what’s waiting on the other side / it’s the climb.”

Keep the faith, girl.