Oh, I so totally fucking called this.

Looks like Little Miss Sexpot gave a performance of epic proportions last night on Britain’s Got Talent. Critics say that Cyrus “cavorted on stage in a skimpy basque [a bodice/corset-type thing] and ripped fishnet stockings, and pretended to kiss a female dancer.” And not only did she try to pull a Britney with the fake-lesbian kiss, she allowed another male dancer to grab her tits on stage during the skit.

See, Liam? See what you’re giving up? This chick clearly can’t be tamed. So go ‘head. Get some.

(But honestly, now, the “reviews” that people are making a big stink about, I think, are a little off the mark, to be quite honest. The boob grabbing was nothing more than a hand across the chest, and even when I played the video back a second time, it didn’t appear that Miley actually even came near to planting a kiss on the female dancer’s lips. So, yeah. A bit boring. But hey … It could happen, right?)

As long as she directly benefits from the result, clearly, it’s all good.

Rimes speaks out to People magazine about the heat surrounding her and Eddie Cibrian, the man who some say was “lured away” by the wiles and charms of the woman — the legend! — Leann Rimes. She claims that she’s remorseful about pulling Eddie away from what was oh-so-clearly a bad relationship, but feels happy and optimistic about the snafu’s general outcome:

“I did one of the most selfish things that I possibly could do, in hurting someone else … I take responsibility for everything I’ve done. I hate that people got hurt,” says Rimes. “But I don’t regret the outcome.”

Of course you don’t, Leann. It’s the best thing that’s happened to your career since a shitload of your songs were used on Coyote Ugly all those years ago. This is the most publicity you’ve gotten in eons, girl. So, yeah. Go ahead and own it. It’s not like you have a whole lot else to do these days, between filming your Lifetime movies and waiting three years to release new albums or whatever.

Rimes continues on, discussing how emotionally-charged and spiritually-driven the beginnings of her affair was with Cibrian:

“It was very emotionally driven. I never once thought what I was doing was okay.”

But clearly, it all worked out in the end. Cibrian and Rimes ended up doing that whole happily-ever-after thing, Rimes’ ex-husband Dean Sheremet (you know, the non-gay gay one) is supposedly dating a decoy woman by the name of Sarah Silver, who happens to be some kind of bigwig NYC photographer or whatever and Cibrian’s ex-wife, Brandi Glanville, well … she’s still just as crazy.

See? Not much has been turned upside down, nothing has truly changed all that much, and life obviously does go on.

So shut the fuck up about it, Leann Rimes. We’ve totally heard enough. Go be smitten and schmoopy, while tastefully subdued and solemn, all over some other country’s media.

Kim Kardashian goes out with a new guy that looks suspiciously like Scott Disick. I hope they’re not literally trying to keep it in the family. All sorts of “ick.” [Celebslam]

LL Cool J just keeps getting sadder and sadder … First Halloween H20, and now this. [popbytes]

Holy Christina Hendricks. Holy Ryan “I-Never-Thought-You-Were-Hot-’Til-This-Moment” Reynolds. Oh, and take this survey, too. [Pajiba]

Those Scientology brainwaves must have really effed Nicole Kidman up some. [Celebitchy]

Congrats to Kevin Costner, who welcomed his sixty-third child into the world yesterday. Here’s lookin’ at your latest competition, Duggars! [Amy Grindhouse]

The evolution of Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen, just in case you happened to miss the last twenty years or so. Oh, and they share a birthday with me, which is coming up. June 13th. Mark it on your calendars, bitches! [CityRag]

Vanessa Simmons is trying fiercely to be Rihanna. Oh, well. [Pop on the Pop]

Bill O’Reilly is an even bigger asshole than most of you ever dreamed. [OMGBlog]

Fran Drescher’s gonna assault your ears in another (possible) sitcom: the real-life story of how her voice turned her former husband gay. (And wouldn’t you run screaming in the other direction if you heard that warble during sex?) [Celebrity Smack Blog]

Things are not all roses and vampire bites for Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart. [Betty Confidential]

Celebrities aren’t the only ones that hate their significant others. [Zelda Lily]

“[A friend of mine and I] have paperwork, and we’ll bring it out soon, that will show what his wishes were and what he wanted. There’s a big fight going on with his parents and some other people involved, and after we bring this paperwork out, everybody’s going to shut up. Gary had certain wishes [excluding his parents]. I’m not going to go against a dying man’s wishes. … There’s a reason why he didn’t speak to them for 23 years.”

- Todd Bridges, to ET on why he is going to go through with announcing Gary Coleman’s last wishes despite his parents’ disapproval.

What the hell do you think Gary Coleman’s last wishes were? I honestly cannot even imagine.

We hear about celeb moms shedding their baby weight in record (and unrealistic) time, but Bethenny Frankel dropping 30 pounds within the first 3 weeks of her daughter’s life might just be the one that tops them all. Bethenny claims the weight loss was healthy and that her breast feeding her daughter and following a diet given to her by a doctor was what did the trick,  and said most of the poundage she lost “was water retention exacerbated by a C-section, which doesn’t allow food for two days.”

Obviously Bethenny’s Skinny Girl lifestyle and the low birth-weight of her daughter coupled with this news is begging for commentary from the other side. The editor of Fit Pregnancy, Peg Moline said:

“I’m concerned if she’s taking care of herself, getting enough rest and enough food, and not obsessing about losing the weight so quickly. I worry about the message that sends to the rest of us out here, who aren’t invested in that ‘skinny girl’ persona and don’t have trainers.”

While Peg’s concerns are fair, I can see how the Real Housewife might not realize how obnoxious her message is. Bethenny, despite all of her crazy health food and obsession with “skinniness”, appears to be a naturally thin person who’s never dealt with serious weight gain or the pressure of a major weight loss. Bethenny said to the Post, “My message to women is to be comfortable where you are, to not binge at any point in your life, to eat a balanced diet with indulgences and to go at your own pace.”

Bethenny’s verbal message may be one thing, and flaunting her bod may help her brand in some ways, but I think the verdict is that her show-offy attitude is more off-putting than it is inspiring.

So, I am obsessed with the Three Men and a Baby movies. If you don’t get it, fuck you. I don’t have time to explain awesomeness to you. You’re either in or you’re out.

Now, there’s been a rumor going around that there’s going to be a third movie in the series starring all of the original cast and it will be called Three Men and a Bride. Tom Selleck even confirmed it in an interview with MTV. I am making a public declaration: If this is true and the movie is made, I will attend the opening night and then commit suicide in the bathroom of the movie theater immediately after the screening. I will murder myself. Because you wanna know why? Life can’t go anywhere after sweet baby Mary is walked down the aisle by Tom, Steve and Ted. There’s really nothing left for me to experience. Perhaps this is why I should have held on to my virginity all these years. Then and only then would I have something to continue holding out for.

So let’s do this, guys! Let’s get my life over with!