My first reaction was, “Oh, no! She looks like Shirley Manson!” Then I thought, “No, no … Now I remember. Shirley’s cute. Heaven forgive me for confusing her with Avril.” Then it came to me: “She looks like that girl I used to sit behind in Calc Analysis who thought that not washing her hair and exposing four inches of greasy root was the ‘in’ thing to do.”

But then I just got confused. I like Kristen Stewart. And I can’t really pin the insult on the donkey this time, because I’m not sure if I love the new color, or if I hate it with a passion. Or if it has to do with the way her hair’s pulled up in these photos. I’m just not sure.

All I know is that girlfriend better be on the up-and-up in washing that mane of hers, or she really will look like the girl that used to sit in front of me during Calc Analysis, and really, that’s just unacceptable.

I’ll let you draw conclusions as to who’s who in this scenario, since you all probably have some pretty hardcore opinions on the vanity of both Megan Fox and now-husband, Brian Austin Green. But yeah. Megan Fox and long-term boyfriend, Brian Austin Green — or “Bag,” as he’s known in my circle of friends — were married “late last week,” according to sources.

The couple tied the knot on Hawaii’s Big Island, where there was said to be only six other people in attendance, which is mildly unsurprising since Fox is a self-proclaimed anthropophobic, and Bag probably hasn’t had any real live friends since Beverly Hills 90210.

Meg and Brian moved pretty stealthily on this one, too: the two were only confirmed to be engaged like, what, a week ago or something?

It’s a shame we didn’t know about this sooner. I’d have liked to have seen photos of the, ah, virginal Fox wearing a white sheath, and Bag’s ankles handcuffed to Fox’s, since that’s probably the only way he could keep her in one place for a minute. The dude probably still can’t believe his “luck.”

I wonder if Foxy dropped (and lost!) her wedding band in the sand, too. Bad omens are upon us, guys. Bad, bad omens indeed.

Just as quickly as their marriage fell apart in front of our eyes, Jesse James and Sandra Bullock are officially divorced. That seems ridiculously quick. Normally divorces seem to drag on for years, but it’s only been a few months since Sandy announced that she would be leaving Jesse as a result of his infidelity.

The divorce paperwork cited “has become insupportable because of discord or conflict of personalities,” as the reason for the demise of their marriage. I feel like that’s putting Jesse’s behavior lightly. I wonder if Sandra purposefully went easy on her ex-husband in order to speed up the process and wash her hands of it.

Either way, I’m sure this past week has been one of the worst of Jesse’s life. Good.

It’s been rumored for awhile now that Shiloh Jolie-Pitt lives her life at home as a boy, demanding that she be called James and that she dress like her brothers, and now we have confirmation from Angelina Jolie that this is true.

Angelina spoke to Vanity Fair this month about many aspects of her life, but particularly her children and her relationships with them. Corageously, Angelina spoke quite casually about her daughter’s demands to live her life as a boy, simply saying, “She likes to dress like a boy. She wants to be a boy. So, we had to cut her hair. She likes to wear boys’ everything. She thinks she’s one of the brothers.”

Shiloh is young enough that her preference to live life as a boy might be a phase, but if not, I think that it’s wonderful that Angelina is so open and “whatever” about her daughter’s sexuality. So many families deal with raising a child that feels it was born in the wrong body, and a mainstream celebrity saying that they are going through the same thing at home gives those families a sense of normalcy. Granted, it’s sad to think that a celebrity saying they have a transgendered child would make all that big of a difference, but it does feel like a cultural milestone. While someone like Chaz Bono lived his life as a disappointment to his parents, Shiloh’s being embraced in the public eye. That feels like kind of a big deal.

For years Kate Gosselin looked like she was saving money by having her husband cut her hair with a Flowbee, which is why the reports that she’s spent over twenty-one thousand dollars on her hair over the past five months are extra shocking.

The mother of eight famously had celebrity stylist Ted Gibson treat her to a free set of extensions, but like the hair-crack dealer he is, the second, third, fourth and fifth hits weren’t free. Between five thousand dollar extensions, the five hundred dollar color and the five hundred dollar cuts, Ted Gibson is pulling in over six grand each time Kate visits his salon. Tell me that thing about being a single mother on a budget again, Kate?

Now, I’m sure that Kate hasn’t paid six grand out of pocket for each visit. Since her high-profile visits draw business to Ted’s salon, I am sure that at least the extensions are free. Regardless, the illusion of a struggling mother is totally taken from Kate once you know that she’s walking around with hair that’s as expensive as the down payment on a sensible home.

I know a lot of you Lost fans out there are still wishing that Lost was wrapped up in a different way, so I’m sharing with you this “alternate ending”, made by the people over at How It Should Have Ended. Personally, I couldn’t care less about the Lost finale either way (gave up after season 3…) but I do love the idea of animated options.