I don’t know if you all remember when Gary Coleman married his ex-wife Shannon Price, but it was quite the sight. All of a sudden the little dude we knew from TV was marrying some red-headed Mormon with busted teeth. Also, and I’m trying to say this as delicately as possible, she came off retarded. I mean, mentally retarded. As in the actual mental condition. I’m not being snarky, but the slow manner of her speech, her limited vocabulary and strange stares gave off the vibe that she was challenged. And she was marrying Gary Coleman, so that didn’t really help.

Well, now Shannon, who appears to have had her grill fixed along the line, is rolling out (literally, she’s riding around in a wheelchair these days) to take interviews. This one she did with ABC shows Shannon more lucid than ever, surprisingly. Although Shannon and Gary were technically divorced at the time of his death, the two were in the process of a reconciliation and according to Shannon, were planning on remarrying.

Watch the above interview if you have time. I’m interested in hearing what you think about this woman’s character.

After, like, eight failed engagements to Ryan Reynolds, Alanis Morrissette has finally found true, free-stylin’ love — she got married on May 22 to some rapper called Souleye. I honestly have no idea whether that’s pronounced “soul eye” or “sol-ay,” but either way his real name is Mario Treadway and I’m sure he’s a very nice person. (Why does “souleye” seem like a euphemism for anus?)

The couple married in a small ceremony at their home in Los Angeles, and their rep just confirmed the news today. They’ve been dating since 2009, which is actually a fairly quick engagement/wedding.

On June 1, her birthday, Alanis posted the following on her Facebook:

“Thank you guys so much for your sweet birthday well-wishings….getting older has turned out to be better than i imagined…things getting softer and clearer and juicier and and and….

Ohhhhh Alanis, you’re soooo deep. Softer AND clearer AND juicier. I’m playing this game in my head where I try to identify a real-world item that can do all those things at the same time, and all I can come up with is a corpse.

Also: Alanis is probably pregnant.

Video of MC Souleye freestylin’ is after the jump.

(more…)

Last night I was trolling around online and I saw that Katy Perry was promising a “dick-melting” preview of her new video for California Gurls on her Twitter. So, you know, I went over to MTV.com and checked it out. And I was disappointed. Not just because Katy did a Candy Land video (the best possible idea for a music video ever) and it came out so cheap looking, but because it’s like, oddly sexual. It’s that type of sexual where I don’t know if I should be turned on or really uncomfortable. Perhaps the best way to figure out what I mean is to just fast forward to the end of the clip, where Katy is shooting whipped cream out of her can-shaped breasts.

Look, I’m not hating on sexy women. I’m not. I love sexy women. But there’s something about Katy Perry’s brand of sexy that makes me uncomfortable and I can’t place my finger on what it is.

Remember Anna Paquin’s piece for that “Give a Damn” LGBT awareness thing? Turns out it was legit. Not that I expected it not to be, but I guess a lot of people were giving her flak because they thought that her bisexuality was a fumbling grope for attention, so she spoke out recently to correct those dumb-assed haters:

“I’m not someone who endlessly talks about her personal life for no reason but obviously, as someone who identifies as bisexual, those are issues I really care about — and frankly, I don’t see why everyone doesn’t care about them,” she told Zap2it. “So when I was asked to participate in that PSA, it was just obvious. ‘Well, of course I will’.”

And really, in this day and age, why is this such a big deal? She’s a chick who likes dudes … and chicks. Is there something so wrong with that? I certainly don’t think so. And clearly, there’s a lot of other people in today’s society that doesn’t think so, either. But always, there’s going to be few rotten, worm-infested apples with that brown, smushy stuff under the skin that always ruin the barrel and turn everything else to funk. And you guys? Get over yourselves, for real.

I love me some Anna Paquin, and I don’t give a flaming, flying crap-sack of blue monkeys if she’s into fucking blue monkeys, men, women or Wall Street execs, which is probably the worst of all evils.

You know, some people have the luck of a small, short-lived fame actor. And Gary Colman, God rest his soul, is That Guy. According to sources at TMZ, there are “individuals” who claim to possess photos of the recently-deceased Coleman pre-plug pull and post-plug pull:

TMZ has learned a series of photos of Gary Coleman in the hospital are being shopped around to the media — and in one of the photos … Gary is already dead.

We’ve seen one of the photos and declined to even look at the rest. In the pic, Gary is in the hospital, his eyes are closed and he is hooked up to a ventilation machine. It is not a pleasant sight.

The person selling the photos claims to have four photos — the one we were shown was taken about an hour before he died. The final photo was taken after he was taken off life support.

Asking price is in the low five figures.

The “low five figures.” How awful. You know, even completely independent of the fact that there’s some deranged ex-wife sick fuck peddling the pictures for one last grasp at financial solvency, it’s horrible that these “individuals” are so sad and desperate to sell out a dead TV star that the asking price is in the “low five figures.” You know, I know the guy had his problems in life and sometimes didn’t do the right thing all of the time (and who’s fucking perfect, anyway?), but pushing photos of a dead Gary Coleman? What the fuck are you talking about, Willis? Jesus wept.

I’d expect this kind of bullshit over on Rotten.com or something or one of those other lurid websites that glorify gloom and doom and gore — but I can tell you one thing: if those pictures finally do surface, you won’t be seeing them from me. Something that might be worse than big-time ragging on someone for their actions on Earth before they kicked? It’s this kind of shit that’s the lowest of the low.

Have you seen the latest photos of Rihanna’s new ‘do floating around? I found a link to them, clicked on it, and gasped in horror at what I saw. Not since the 7th grade did I see such a monstrosity of a haircut. Remember back in the day when all of the then-”skater” kids wore a bowl-cut that was shaved on the underside, like, all the way up? And sometimes, they’d dye the top a funky color like green (or, ahem, red) and pull it into a greasy-looking ponytail? Uh-huh. That’s totally what this reminded me of.

What the fuck’s going on in that gorgeous head of yours, Rihanna-girl? I know that it’s pretty hard to eff up perfection, but you’re certainly giving it a pretty good go, huh?

What do you guys think of the lady’s new hairstyle?