The preview for Jersey Miami Shore has finally hit the Internet, and, although a lot of it is exactly the hyperbolic dreck you were expecting, there is some potential for awesomeness.

First off: Snooki is awesome. The girl is fucking hilarious. She plays the ditz, but she’s perceptive and cutting and she knows how to entertain. I was worried she’d become a caricature of herself (as if she weren’t already), but instead it seems she’s just developed a keener sense of what’s wonderful about the character she’s playing, the way Megan Mullally so brilliantly developed the Karen Walker character during the first season of Will & Grace.

Also: Angelina’s back. Oh, I hate her so. Rambling on and on about second chances. Fuck that. I’m angry that she’s on the show again. She forfeited her first chance. NO SECOND CHANCE FOR YOU. I hope JWoww punches her.

And most awesomely: Ronnie and Sammi broke up. BUT THEY STILL HAVE TO LIVE IN THE HOUSE TOGETHER. The preview shows Ronnie’s alcoholic ass slamming back drinks with his buddies in Jersey, talking about how he’s going to be “creepy” and “weird” in Miami, which I think in guido-speak actually means he’s planning to get with a lot of girls. And then Sammi is going to freak out and retaliate. And then Ronnie is going to freak out and retaliate back. And then Sammi is probably going to hook up with the Situation. And then Ronnie is going to — GASP! — drink too much and punch someone and go to jail for a night and then voluntarily decide to attend AA meetings before this cycle escalates to more serious consequences do it all again.

I’m pretty psyched for this, I’ll admit.

Last night the CFDA (Council of Fashion Designers of America) hosted its annual awards ceremony in New York City. As you might expect, the red carpet was kind of fantastic. A billion pics in the gallery below.

Representing: Sarah Jessica Parker, Alexis Bledel, Brooke Shields, Betsey Johnson (and her Botox-lipped daughter, Lulu), Jessica Stam, Doutzen Kroes, Dakota Fanning, David Bowie and Iman, Emilie de Ravin, Gwyneth Paltrow, Kate Mara, Michael Kors, Molly Sims, Rachel Zoe, Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen, Carmen Kass, Anna Wintour and daughter Bee Shaffer, and Michelle Trachtenberg.

Extra credit goes to Jessica Biel and Whitney Port, who both managed to attend the MTV Movie Awards in LA the night before.

“For what?”

Grey’s Anatomy regular contributor Eric Dane, after an E! news reporter informed him that absentee co-star, Katherine Heigl, had submitted her name for a Best Supporting Actress Emmy.

(Photos are of Eric and wife Rebecca Gayheart at the Chrysalis Butterfly Ball on June 5.)

I can’t believe this chick is only 25. I mean, I’m only 26 (27 on Sunday!), but she just seems so much more sophisticated and cultured than I, at the ripe-old age of 26, could ever imagine to be. It must be that whole dating-international-superstar-Leonardo-DiCaprio thing or that little fact that she probably makes more loot in one year than I have in my entire life. Who knows. She seems to be a cool chick, and she’s amazing-looking to boot. This is one of those girls that you’d totally love to hate, but I just can’t.

The two celebrated Bar’s birthday this past week at the newly-launched Boudoir nightclub and enjoyed dinner with some friends at nearby restaurant, STK. They supposedly had a good time, and no crotch or boobage appeared, because that’s not the breed of people we’re dealing with in this post. Sorry!

Oh, and also, DiCaprio’s latest box-office flick, Shutter Island comes to DVD and On Demand channels today. I didn’t see it in theaters, because I’m lazy and because I live at the beach, movies tickets are, like, forty bucks a pop or something — and as mentioned above, I don’t make a ton of loot a year like babelicious Bar does. So needless to say, I didn’t see it. I will, however, be watching it tonight in full force.

I did, however, receive an early birthday present last night from my husband: the first season of my favorite fucking show ever, 24, and we watched it for four hours straight (losers!), but I think I’m going to have to take a break from the carnage and international threats to check out Shutter Island anyway. This means good things for everyone involved, except for my electric bill. Because I thoroughly intend to make up for lost 24 time today by hanging out in the house like a bat and seeing if I can make my eyes bleed at the sheer magnitude that is subjection to Jack Bauer for over six hours straight.

Will you be watching Shutter Island tonight? Have you seen it? Is it awesome? And yeah, please don’t ruin it for me with crazy plot reveals in the comments, or so help me God, I’ll just kill myself.

A source at the Global Grinder spoke out earlier this week to acknowledge rumors that Kim Kardashian is the latest celebrity vying for the part of Lara Croft in the Tomb Raider series. The source states:

“Kim is wanted to play a far more comic-strip version of Lara, which would be shot in 3-D and aimed at a teen audience.”

Whoa. 3-D Kim Kardashian tits and booty? I’m not sure the world is quite ready for something as amazing as that … it’d be like looking then sun in its face, or talking one-on-one with whoever your maker is. Retinas would be burned out by the sheer magnitude of such ostentation, third-world countries would crumble, and the governments of mega-magnate nations would founder.

And you. Are you ready to see such amazing sights at such an early juncture in your mere mortal life?

Hayden Panettiere was photographed frolicking on the beach yesterday — without her Jack and the Beanstalk giant boyfriend, Wladimir Klitschko. And though he’s not pictured in these latest photographs, I thought I’d do a “Bang or Bust” on those two, ’cause they’re just so damned adorable together. It was like when Gary Coleman married Gummy McBallgag Shannon Price.

Panettiere, who I’m kind of indifferent about in her wee existence, looks banging hot in her two-piece lifeguard-looking bikini and I think it’s honestly a toss-up between her and her super-sized boyfriend.

Who would you rather? Eeny-weenie midget porn or orifice-ripping boxer sex? The choice … is yours.