Surprise, surprise. One of these days when Love happens to shake her shit out in public, I’m going to drop over from not surprise. Because you can only get used to something happening for so long before it completely bores the shit out of you and you just die from it.

I have a feeling these days are upon us, you guys.

Love was photographed making quite a scene at LAX earlier in the week, disrupting people-traffic, flailing her arms around like a deranged parrot and mincing words with airport security over water bottles and cell phones. And looking like she’s got, like, lesions or something on her arms or something. What the hell are they? New tattoos? Hickeys? Worm-holes into another dimension? Scratch-and-sniff strawberry stickers?

And come on. Who the fuck is she talking to, anyway? This girl’s still playing it like she’s got friends in low places somewhere?

I’m not opposed to Lady Gaga. She’s easy on the eyes and some of her songs are pretty catchy, I guess, but I’m not as hardcore about her as what some people clearly are. If she’s, you know, making music and touring, great. If she wasn’t, it probably wouldn’t be long before I kind of forgot who she was altogether.

However, somebody’s clearly all hot and bothered by Gaga’s antics, because a one-sided feud is brewing between Katy Perry and the Lady herself, and it’s either because Perry has some serious religion issues, or she’s just ticked because Gaga’s video blew her stupid “California Gurls” thing out of the water with the sexually-charged “Alejandro.” I mean, come on. Which would you honestly rather? Blue mermaid hair, sparkles and Snoop, or half-naked men, religious undertones and Madonna-esque stage grinding? I think the decision is pretty obvious, despite Snoop, and I’m not even remotely partial to either woman’s music.

Anyway, Katy blasted Gaga on her Twitter yesterday, citing her distaste for blasphemy and comparing it to the lowest form of entertainment, otherwise known as fart jokes. (And yeah, Katy, I think fart jokes are pretty funny … though some of you probably would have guessed that already.)

So, I don’t know. I think Perry’s being catty and silly, because it’s definitely not the first time that religion has been incorporated with music videos, sex and campiness. Anyone remember Madonna? Or, you know, Prince? Maybe George Michael? Yeah.

Sorry, Kitty Purry. Go be busy marrying Russell Brand and shut the fuck up. Your dry brand of Catholic-school humor just isn’t funny. I’d take a fart joke over your music, hell …. any day.

While Katy Perry managed to weird me out with the preview for her “California Gurls” video, a clan of gays who call themselves The Washington Boys hit the nail right on the head (and then slapped it’s ass and told it it’s fabulous.) While this has been done before, I will always have time in my day to watch gays frolic and sing along to their new jam. Hello? Why do you think I go to karaoke in West Hollywood every Wednesday?

Washington Boys & California Gurls – a Music Video by Unicorn Booty from Booty the Unicorn on Vimeo.

So LiLo hit the bottle at the MTV Movie Awards afterparty and activated her blood alcohol level-monitoring SCRAM anklet. The judge is dragging her ass into court. Like, now. 3 PM today.

From RadarOnline:

As RadarOnline.com reported exclusively on Tuesday, officials from the SCRAM company were presenting the judge with a report about why the bracelet was triggered and Lindsay’s alcohol level.

Now the parties are ready to meet to review the SCRAM report and discuss Lindsay.

The troubled star could face jail time if the judge in her case rules that the actress violated the conditions of her bail – which include abstaining from alcohol and submitting to random drug testing.

Damn, girl. Just show off the damn bracelet and stick to Red Bull for a minute. You’ve done this before, right?

It’s quite clear that Lindsay’s judge isn’t messing around and her lawyers were seen earlier at the court house attempting to prepare for what’s inevitably going to be a lot of their client’s ass getting schooled.

So the much-anticipated video for Lady Gaga’s single “Alejandro” was released today and all I can say is OMG.

OH EM GEE, you guys. Despite my indifference to her music, I am all about how Lady Gaga brings it. While I wouldn’t say that Gaga has managed to top her “Telephone” video (I’m not sure that it would even be possible), “Alejandro” isn’t a weak follow-up.

All the religious imagery seems like a straight-up Madonna rip-off, but I’m loving the gun bra (This is how it’s done, Katy) and the dancers are kind of mind-blowing.

Mary Kate Olson stepped out wearing one of her typically unusual outfits in NYC today, and I have one thing to say about this look: TOO FABRICISH. You’ll probably never see a more fabric-y outfit than that, I’ll tell you that much. That’s like, nine reams sewn together, girl! Save some fabric for the rest of us, my God!