Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino. I guess stranger things have happened, huh?

Last night, The Situation celebrated his 28th birthday (which is not until next week — July 5th, make sure to mark your calendars, guido-lovers and guidette-lovers alike) at a club in New York City. The party was chock-full of tanned girls, greasy, shaved abs and came complete with a cake in the mold of a gross torso. Mmm, crème de la chest cavity. Delish.

The goob took his natural stance and signed augmented cleavage and posed for many, many (many) pictures with *his shirt pulled up to his chin.

Happy Birthday, Situation. I guess.

*And really, what’s going to happen one fine day when his sculpted abs magically turn into something with the consistency of marshmallow fluff? It’s gonna happen, dude … one way or another.  There’s no denying the laws of gravity, unless you’re full of enough money to preserve “perfection.”  But you star on <i>Jersey Shore</i>.  I don’t think your money’s going to last you very long.  Start saving, pally.

After twenty-five years on air, Larry King Live wraps up its last season this year. The show finishes this year’s season in the fall.

Larry King, who is an icon in his own right, has never shied away from controversial topics or outlandish guest interviews (uh, remember Charles Manson?), and it’s going to be hard to replace the timeslot held by King for the past two and-a-half decades. Wonder who’s up next on the roster … Sarah Palin, maybe? Nope. America’s Got Talent judge, Piers Morgan. He’s evidently got his very own bid in for taking the reins of the revered Larry King:

“CNN has made it clear to Piers that he is the network’s first choice to replace Larry. He is very, very close to agreeing to terms. America’s Got Talent finishes in mid-September. That is perfect timing to coincide with Larry’s retirement and allow Piers to take over.”

So, farewell, Larry. You’ve been doing your thing with Live longer than I’ve been living, and you’ve definitely made yourself a household name. You’re golden. Now just get rid of the crazy bitch wife, and you’ll be stellar.

I’ll end this piece with my all-time favorite Larry King segment, the infamous Paris Hilton interview.

“Has gas,” “gets gas,” what’s the difference. Potato, potahto. Either way, the latest photos captured of the fallen-from-angelic-grace pop star look pretty great.

Britney was photographed earlier in the week, gassing up her V8 monster with off-again, on-again boyfriend Jason Trawick. Brit wore this pink dress (I think I have the same one in coral), and her smile looked pretty genuine.

You look alright, Brit. I’m still not going to go to Kohl’s (… where?) in order to buy your craptastic clothes, but I’m giving you the benefit of the doubt here by saying that maybe your clothes-creating endeavor worked out well for your happiness and your state of mind. If things that keep you busy keep you happy and sane, do it up, girl. I’m on your side for all things good.

PS — I love the dress. But yeah, you’re right: I might be bit biased.

Ew, Peaches Geldof, go back to the early nineties and put your outfit (and hair) out of its misery. Gross.

Geldof, who was apparently cleaning up for her new boyfriend, Eli Roth, and trying to shed the bad publicity of her nasty, nasty drugged-out photo shoot with a red head pee-the-bed ex-boyfriend has come full circle.

She was looking pretty normal — and not all that bad! — for awhile, but the facade of cleanliness, much like the beginning stages of a new, exciting relationship, wears off eventually.

If not, that’s totally cool, I wasn’t either until I saw this trailer, and now I really, really am.

The movie was written and directed by Gore Verbinski, the guy that directed the Pirates of the Caribbean movies, and the cast features Abigail Breslin, Isla Fisher, and Johnny Depp in the eponymous role. To be honest, I’m kind of over all this newfangled animation (except Up. I will never say anything bad about that movie, regardless of its medium), but I’m going to go ahead and make the statement that Johnny Depp can’t do anything wrong.  I mean, the last couple Pirates of the Caribbean movies were a little iffy, but he was in Benny and Joon and he’s worked with John Waters, so I think he deserves a few minor slip-ups.

Rango won’t be out until next March, but until then you can just watch Johnny Depp be a lovable lizard for a couple minutes.  That or go out and live your life, whichever.

I absolutely love Oxygen.  And I don’t just mean that thing that people breathe.  With the Bad Girls Club, Snapped and reruns of Roseanne and America’s Next Top Model (apparently I like watching shows featuring wacky women), I feel like I have nearly all of my television needs covered.  But then Oxygen goes out and hooks up with Glee, and now I am just elated.

Oxygen got syndication rights to Glee, so that will be handy in 2013, but what’s more exciting is that Oxygen is in the works to create a reality show based on Glee.  The creator of the show, Ryan Murphy, will be involved, and it will premiere sometime in 2011.  There’s no word yet on if the cast will be involved at all or what the concept of the show will be, but there are theories that the show might follow a particular show choir for a season or that it will be more of a show choir competition show.

I really don’t care what the concept is, I’m watching it regardless. Have you ever met a kid in show choir in real life?  I’ve only met one, and that girl was the craziest.  She would storm out of rehearsal screaming about how she was on her period, and when one of my friends got drunk enough to sleep with her, he woke up to see her measuring his dick with a pocket ruler.  Right now I’m just imagining that girl on a reality show, and I couldn’t be more pleased.  Thanks, Oxygen!