I did not watch the MTV Movie Awards last night. I did not watch them because I was, I dunno, doing anything other than watching the MTV Movie Awards. This did not stop me from logging into the photo agency sites tonight to pore over every damn dress that everyone wore, because that is the only thing good about awards shows anymore.
I’m so old I don’t even recognize half of the people in these photos. I’ll tell you what, though: THEY’RE ALL FAT. I’m kidding, of course. After nearly two full decades of the whole damn world whining in envious unison about how skinny everyone in Hollywood is, THESE PEOPLE ARE STILL REALLY SKINNY. THEY ARE GETTING SKINNIER. I know how, though. Kristen Stewart’s chin absorbs half the body mass of anything it comes into contact with.
Paris Hilton actually looked really pretty and happy and not at all disturbed by her recent realization that the witch doctor lied to her as a child, and sleeping with 500 D-listers at the height of their D-list fame is not, in fact, going to fix her wonky eye.
There is a chick named Lily Collins who I’ve never heard of but whoever was doing her hair extensions got carried away and gave her some serious eyebrow extensions, too, and then whoever was doing her eye makeup did everything possible to accentuate those eyebrows while still maintaining the 8-year-old-who-just-got-a-Cover-Girl-set-for-Christmas illusion, and, really, Lily Collins’ Makeup People, if that was the goal, GREAT FUCKING JOB. Seriously, who is this chick? Why am I so old now?
Stephanie Pratt should find the AA meeting where they talk about neon splatter dresses and make it her fucking home group.
Katy Perry is wearing a blue wig and the leftovers from Britney Spears’ 2000 VMA performance (JESUS CHRIST WAS THAT REALLY TEN YEARS AGO?) because the second you release a song called “California Gurls” you know it’s all over for you and you may as well wear a blue wig and stand next to the four-foot-tall Snooki Polizzi like you’re a goddamn drag queen because really who spells it “gurl” anymore? Are we going to publish a ‘zine about it, too?
Eat a cookie, Whitney Port. Eat a Snooki. I don’t care. Just eat. Do you still have a TV show? Can I be on it? Can anyone just be on a TV show now? Are you what would happen if someone forcibly stretched Snooki to three times her current height? Why is your dress the same color as pee?
Audrina Patridge looks more like a monkey every time I’m subjected to a visual reminder of her existence.
And that sparkly stuff on Lindsay Lohan’s — ahem — pantsuit? It’s cocaine. Later on, she’s going to get her SCRAM bracelet really fucking high, so that it doesn’t notice that she’s drunk.
Hey, Christina Aguilera? We’re chill, girl.
And lo, Evil Beet did descend to be among us. And she snarked. And the people said that it was good. (Amen.)
Off topic…how do you upload a personal picture rather than using the strange faces we are defaulted here? Thx
snark all you want Almighty Beet, but i’m starving, and if i have to eat anymore manna i’m going to throw up. Oh, and my feet are fucking killing me.
Is there a way to get an email alert when a genuine Evil Beet commentary is posted? If wishing made it so….
shut up! your cat doesn’t really love TV, now does it?
I am a cat and I love TV.
I have a rescue tabby who watches TV all the time. When he doesn’t like what I’m watching, he moves to the front of the fish tank and slaps at the glass. He keeps the family amused!
I have a rescue tabby “that” watches TV all the time. I bet you love the smell of cat piss and spray on the furniture.
My cat pisses excellence.
Self respecting clean people keep self respecting clean homes. Therefore, no smell. Unlike your ass.
You are not one to talk about grammar issues and the like. For a while you even had a typo in your screen name.
soooo Lohan came disguised as a Tara Reid imitation?
So the fashion posts aren’t usually the things I read, but that was a kick-ass summary, Beet :D I don’t know who Lily Collins is either, but I can’t wait to see those pictures!
Kristen Stewart’s chin is MASSIVE! She really shouldn’t wear her hair like that… it makes her look really mannish.
So everyone decided to wear sequins! Looks good. Paris Hilton looks beautiful, I love her dress. Nicki is always there to remind us how Paris would look without the rhinoplasty, the hair bleach and air brushed make-up. Its like a before and after ad for plastic surgery.
Kristin Stewart is always a fail. She shouldnt have retracted her comment that being photographed is like being raped, because that is what her facial expression always says. Her hair is god awful. How do you manage to get a ponytail wrong? Someone should introduce her to a brush.
I like Katy Perry; blue wig and the peek-a-boo dress included.
I have to add Kristin Stewart looks more like a monkey than Audrina Patridge. Those ears!!!
Baby steps…at least Kristin is not wearing Converses…ugh.
Paris Hilton’s “wonky eye”!!! ROTFFL!!!
lindsay honey, angie dickinson called and wants her pantsuit back. she has to go to the dean martin roast.
(that is old fuck snark, ’cause i’m even older than you, beet).
hey hey hey does anyone know if Megan Fox was there? I would have liked to see her, but I don’t know if i just missed her in the slideshow or she just didnt show?
She wasn’t there
Lindsay lohan is a drug addict and good lord is a racist
And now we must all concentrate on the o bvious
That no one gives a shit
OK
Dear Sasha – I don’t know who most of these people are because your pics aren’t labeled. Please research another way to post photos. At the risk of mentioning another gossip blogger’s site, take a look at the form http://www.laineygossip.com/ uses for her photos. They go from pic to pic faster, they are all labeled nicely and then you can close them and immediately go back to the original page instead of having to push “back” 50 times or reload the whole website. It’s way more efficient. I enjoy reading your site more, the commentary is more entertaining but Lainey’s definitely one up on how she displays pictures.
Thank you!
Sincerely – Cathy
I think she does it this way because it gets more page views.
Yup.
I’ll add that you don’t have to push back or reload the website. At the bottom of each of the photos you should be able to go to the previous/next photo from a thumbnail.
Yes, you can go to the previous/next by using the thumbnail but when you are done viewing all the pictures you do have to push back 1000X or reload the whole web site. It takes a lot longer to view the pics your way and they are not labeled, which is frustrating so I end up not viewing them at all – which I don’t think is your goal.
I appreciate the response to my feedback though. I do enjoy your site(s) just not the way you choose to display multiple pictures.
Thank you!
Cathy
Wow, why has Audrina become so ugly? I don’t know if it’s the teeth, skin, or hair…she just looks awful. She was much prettier before. Her teeth are fucking huge
It’s posts like these that keep me coming back to this blog :) Goddamn teenagers.
All you are awful talking about people like this. You ar so jeaolous. I think before critizing people, you should see yourself in a mirror.
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