Sisters Ashlee and Jessica Simpson were photographed at the LG Night of Fashion and Technology bash last night in LA and while very, very different, both look pretty freaking hot, if I do say so myself.

I was never a huge fan of Ashlee’s, look-wise, but I think this is the best (and probably happiest) that she’s looked in a few years, though she is definitely a smidge on the, um, emaciated side. She’s got a great glow to her skin (and damn, what a set of teeth) and it’s evident that motherhood’s definitely agreeing with her. Some newer moms look like hell (and for good reason, obviously), but some of them just exude the glow after that most women have during their pregnancies.

I mean, I know what it was like for me when I was pregnant with my daughter. I did not glow. I was break out-and-bloat city and probably walked around with a major case of grump-face because my damned feet were so swollen all of the time. After, however? Glowed like a Chernobyl survivor. Loved it.

But anyway, Ashlee looks great. She needs to eat a sandwich or three, but she’s doing her thing and kills it almost every time.

Jess, on the other hand, blows Ashlee out of the water. Yeah, she’s gained some weight over the past few years, but you know what? She’s obviously not digging at herself about it, so let it ride. J Simp looks a thousand times better than she ever did when she was fifteen or twenty pounds lighter and wicked stressed out over Nick or John or Adam or whoever else. She looks amazing and if I had to pick a piece, it’d definitely be Jess.

So. Which Simpson sister would you bang?

Gabe Saporta, lead singer of the spectacular band Cobra Starship, has recently gotten some heat from his behavior at a concert (see above video, then go ahead and keep watching for “Snakes on a Plane”).  In the video, he attacks a heckler, beginning the conversation with “Yo, fat boy giving me the finger, what’s your problem?” and he ends it with “go the fuck home, go look at pictures of your mom and jack off,” and he says all kinds of things in between.

Saporta defends his actions in his blog, where he wrote

It’s also insane to me that people can expect an artist to not be prone to the same fluctuations in emotion and mood that everyone else succumbs to. Having different emotions is what makes us human. And just because I’m on stage, doesn’t mean that I’m not a person. I am not better than anyone, and I am thus susceptible to the same emotional volatility that anybody else is (arguably, even more so). I never go on stage and put on an act; I go on stage, lose all my inhibitions, and become who I am.

And I don’t know why this seems like it’s a news flash to anyone, but ummm…. I’m not exactly the most peaceful guy in the world, for better or for worse.

I always speak my mind, and I have a sharp tongue. I’m full of love and gratitude for my brothers and sisters who support us and save us from having to work shitty jobs in order to do what we love (music). But I also have no place in my heart for dudes who only want to tear us down and hurt the thing we work hardest towards everyday with all our hearts.

He goes on to acknowledge that he “acted like an asshole,” but that he’s not sorry.

I love Cobra Starship.  So, so much.  And when I first heard about the video and when I watched it, I was a little upset, but after reading Gabe’s blog entry and considering it, I’m not so upset anymore.  We can’t see what the guy was doing in the audience, but it was obviously enough to catch attention from on stage, so it can’t have been too mild.  And regardless of rather Gabe’s actions were right or wrong, they’re not surprising – with lyrics like “I’m not street but I do what I gotta do” and song titles like “I May Be Rude But I’m the Truth,” you kind of know what you’re getting into.

What do you guys think?  Is Gabe Saporta a total douchebag or what?  Do you guys even like Cobra Starship?

Ronnie James Dio died a couple weeks ago.  I didn’t write about it because I didn’t think many of you were huge Dio fans or anything, and even though I know he rocked pretty hard, I’m not a huge fan either.  So I’m sorry about that.  But then those wacky Christian fundamentalists, the Westboro Baptist Church, decided that they were going to protest Dio’s memorial service, which is going to be held on Sunday in L.A. And I, like many of you, have words to say about Westboro Baptist, so here we are.

In a press release on the topic of Dio road trip, the church claimed they were protesting the service because

“This rebel had a God-given platform – for decades – which he should have utilized to publish the truth of God. Instead, he used that platform – for decades – to teach rebellion against God, in the form glorifying atheism, promoting the devil horn hand sign & other such idolatries. Now he has been cut off by an Angry God & cast into hell.”

Dio’s widow responded with this:

Ronnie hates prejudice and violence! We need to turn the other cheek on these people that only know how to hate someone they didn’t know. We only know how to love someone we know!

I can’t even begin to understand these people.  ”God hates fags,” yeah, sure, thanks for letting me know, and tell God I said thanks too. I’m sure he absolutely loves what you people do, so keep up the good work.  Except not, Westboro Baptist Church, because you are ridiculous.  I don’t have a problem with Christians who practice Christianity, I have a problem with Christians who presume they have the right to let other people know what God wants and what God dictates, and that is what these people do loudly and proudly and offensively.  Keep it to yourself, crazy church.

By the way, the above video is from a BBC documentary on the church.  It makes me want to rip my eyeballs out, but I really like the guy doing the documenting, who is so clearly disturbed within the first twelve seconds.  Me too, guy, me too.

Because the dude is actually sounding somewhat coherent, reserved and approachable in his recent interview with Esquire magazine. For real. The article is titled, “The Making (and Remaking) of Tom Cruise,” and I, personally, think it has a lot to do with, uh, “remaking” his medication regimen, because the boy hasn’t sounded this clear and concise since his Top Gun days, and even those were somewhat, well … leading days.

On the dad that he kind of hated:

“I remember looking at my dad and wanting to understand him. I didn’t want to just write the guy off. He was lost. I can’t speak specifically in terms of why and how he got to where he was — that was his journey. All I can tell you is, he was overwhelmed by life… My mother basically did all the work, and then they got separated and I didn’t see him for a long time. He didn’t try to help the family financially or spiritually, and I lived with the effects of the chaos … I found out he was dying, and I went to see him in the hospital. He knew that he’d blown it. There was deep regret. I think he was torturing himself. We tend to do that. All I could do was tell him, ‘Look, it’s okay.’ I wasn’t going to live in blame and regret. I wanted to understand what happened. I wanted to understand, so I could answer the question, What can I do to make things better? … “

On what family means to him:

“You hear about people who have lifelong friends. I never was in a place long enough to have them. So that role was filled by my family … If anyone was teasing my sisters, I really felt it… I’d create different characters and ad-lib sketches to make my sisters and my mother feel better. I’d try to make them laugh. I’d do Donald Duck as John Wayne. I’d watch Soul Train and imitate the dancers. I guess you can say that’s where it started … “

On his big break into stardom:

“The audition [for Taps] was in New York. I said one line. That was it. I had long hair at the time, so they said, ‘Hold up your hair.’ Then ‘Thank you.’ I don’t know why, but… I thought I’d get it. It wasn’t arrogance. I had a quarter in my pocket — and that was it. I’m telling you: I didn’t have bus fare to get back to where my mom was living in Jersey. I remember… standing outside the Holland Tunnel, and hitchhiking. I walked up the driveway and saw my mother. It was a distance, but I remember her face. She looked at me and I looked at her, and I thought, I got it.”

On the Infamous Oprah Interview:

“What happened, happened… I wanted the audience to be happy just like I wanted to make my sisters and my mother happy when I did those skits as a kid. But I’ll take responsibility for my actions… Afterward, wild things were being said about me, and once they’re in the ether, there’s nothing you can do about it. It felt like being the new kid in the schoolyard again and the other kids are whispering and whispering about you and suddenly you hear what they’re saying, and you think, What? That didn’t happen. Look at the reality of the situation.”

So, that leads me to believe one thing: that Tom Cruise definitely has other people ghost-give his interviews. There’s no other explanation for his recent lucidity. Aside from Thorazine, that is.

I’m so over this guy. Yeah, and I totally expect half of you to be all like, “So why are you giving him more press, huh? Why?” Why? ‘Cause it’s my job. And there are probably some of you out there that aren’t sick of hearing about him, so I’m catering to that demographic. Besides, some feel that James is just starting to get fun, and by “fun,” I mean that he’s putting himself out there emotionally and allowing the press to take their digs at him. So yeah. “Fun.”

James speaks out to ABC’s Nightline last night in an interview regarding the fallout after skanking around on America’s Sweetheart, Sandra Bullock. He claims that though he was allowing his manic penis to take shots at every cheap-looking girl on the West Coast, the adoption of Louis Bardot Bullock brought him and his estranged wife closer together:

“I found a new trust for her, like I knew she wasn’t going to leave, and our relationship blossomed.”

So he was, what, worried that Bullock’s amazing star power was going to eclipse over their marriage and she was going to leave him for another (better) option? And so he cheated on her because he was vulnerable and worried that she was going to leave him? I guess that totally makes sense, in a not-making-sense-at-all kind of way, you know?

James also states that motherhood came as natural to Bullock as obnoxious tattoos come as a turn-on to him:

“She is like a fish to water. … As soon as she put that baby into her hands, it was automatic and amazing …
To see her in the role as mother is, like, one of the most amazing things I’ve ever seen.”

And you’re, like, one of the most amazing tools I’ve ever had the luck to never meet, Jesse. Keep on with your sadboy stories and go back to being a philandering, glorified grease monkey.

For all (or any) of you wicked hardcore music fans out there, your genre has lost another talented musician. Paul Gray, award-winning bassist for Slipknot, was found dead in an Iowa hotel room yesterday. Police involved in the investigation claim that no foul play is suspected, but a toxicology panel is scheduled as well as an autopsy, both of which are said to happen today.

I’m totally not a Slipknot fan (and frankly, their music and performance antics, as well as general creepy-masked appearances kind of scared the ever-loving shit out of me), but it’s definitely sad when Simon Monjack overshadows your death a generational icon passes away. It upsets certain groups of people. Like, I’m sure there are fans of Gray that are all broken up over this in the same way that I would be if it were, say, Thom Yorke of Radiohead or something. I’d be crushed, just like a buttload of people probably are over Gray’s death. So, bummer. I get it.

Gray was thirty-eight years old.