Girl pulled out of rehearsals for a movie she was slated to perform in, For Colored Girls Who Have Considered Suicide When the Rainbow Is Enuf. While that, in itself, isn’t enough to confirm that Carey’s carrying the spawn of Nick Cannon, recent rumors regarding her weight gain and “fertility treatments” add to the fervor surrounding the idea that there could be a really hot-looking baby strutting its stuff in a few months. Or so.

Carey was said to withdraw from the production late yesterday, and her rep did nothing to quash the rumors that something, ah, “big” is brewing in the chanteuse-turned-actress’s personal life:

“I’m not at liberty to discuss her personal life at this time,” Carey’s spokeswoman Cindi Berger says, declining to give a reason for Carey’s withdrawal.

Pandemonium ensues.

No, ladies and gentlemen, your eyes are not deceiving you. This is not a photo of Dave Chappelle under age-progression photography. It’s a photo of “serious actor,” 50 Cent, who will probably want to drop that whole numbered-name thing if his acting career does go off and go by his real name: Curtis Jackson. File that away in the old memory banks, because he’s aiming to become a big-time A-list actor.

And you know what? I’ve made fun of him in the past, because I’m just not a big rap fan, for one, and his on-stage persona kind of obnoxious-ed me out (I did see him perform once, accidentally; I was drunk and wandering), but I think that he might have a serious shot at doing this damned thing. For his upcoming role in Things Fall Apart, he plays a cancer-stricken football player and not only is he starring in it and giving the role some pretty serious thought, he wrote the screenplay, too.

So are you going to give 50 Curtis his chance at stardom? Think he can take off the gun-toting, angry visage of gangster-thug rapdom and pull on a sleek, New York-sex-in-the-afternoon role of super movie star-dom only to join the ranks of George Clooney, Brad Pitt and Tom Hanks?

I thought last night’s show was all sorts of giddy, clappin’-hands amazing. From Siobhan Magnus performing with the Bee Gees, to fucking Bret Michaels appearing to sing “Every Rose Has Its Thorn” with Casey James to Joe Cocker’s “With a Little Help From My Friends.” And yes, I am so excited about these three performances (among many, many others), that I’m going to share them with you. Like, right here. Now.

Yeah, that was awesome. I mean, aside from the whole Siobhan Magnus part, anyway. While she’s undoubtedly talented, I’m far too distracted by the crazy-eyes thing that she’s got going on to concentrate on her killer pipes. Oh, that and the fact that I couldn’t tell who was who singing in the beginning — Aaron Kelly or Siobhan. They sound so … alike.

And then there was this. I always had a huge fondness for this Joe Cocker song and I think a lot of it had to do with watching the Wonder Years when I was growing up. You know how most people had a super-crush on Winnie Cooper or Kevin Arnold? Yeah. My ten year-old self totally wanted a serious piece of Paul Pfeiffer preppy ass. Laugh if you will, but I’m big enough to finally admit it now.

And then this. I didn’t even know I loved Bret Michaels as much as I did until I saw him enter the stage to play with Casey James. Really. Don’t even know the dude, but I was so pleased and happy for him and proud of him, in light of his recent health issues, that I almost fell off the couch. I was all like, “Is that Bret Michaels? No … it’s gotta be some kind of super-imposed image on a green screen or a hologram or something, right? Fuck … it is Bret Michaels! And I thought he was on his deathbed!!” Way to go, Bret. Honestly. Way to go, man.

And by far, my favorite moment of the night? Uh, finding out that they’re holding auditions over the next few weeks in New Orleans. Mind-blower. Not that I live even remotely close; [let's play a guessing game -- "Where Does Sarah Live?" -- I'll give you a hint] I’m precisely 1213.41 miles northeast of New Orleans, Louisiana. And yes, I’m assuming that there are going to be auditions a bit closer to where I live, but if you know me at all, you know of the bond that I have with New Orleans.

New Orleans and I are kind of obsessed with each other (I’m obvious about it, me, but he’s a little more reserved than I am, to say the least). The city’s like that boyfriend that looooves our sex, but just doesn’t want to be seen in public with me — so naturally, I’m at his beck and call. He never comes to visit me, so I have to come running every time he calls on a whim, or when I feel the compulsion to see him. For me, American Idol auditions and the city of New Orleans go better together than cold spaghetti and a glass of milk.

And so … guess who’s gonna be visiting that hot-assed boyfriend in just a few short weeks? That’d be me. And damn. Looks like things are getting serious; this is the second time I’ve seen him in three months.  Who knows — maybe we’ll end up moving in together.

So, what was your favorite Idol moment last night? Did you watch? Did you love it? Did you even care?

Oh, yeah, duh. And if you didn’t watch, Lee won last night. Called it, bitches.

Word on the street is that Common and that horrifying Williams sister, Serena have broken up. A source close the the couple says that they “grew apart”. Oh well! I never liked the two of them together, so this works out great.

As I already said, I am completely terrified by the Williams Sisters (Venus is the truly scary one) and Common is just like, the dreamiest. I couldn’t really see them working out in the long run. Common needs someone more soft and feminine in his world, and perhaps that someone could be me. I’m just sayin’.

Call me, Common.

You guys!! Sadface! Art Linkletter from the original host of Kids Say The Darnedest Things and People Are Funny has passed away at the age of 97.

I have a ton of memories of watching Kids Say The Darnedest Things at my middle school BFF’s grandma’s house on VHS and this news saddens me tons. Also, I don’t think “kids today” even know who Art Linkletter was and that’s really depressing.

R.I.P., homie.

During his Nightline interview, Jesse James said that much of his self-destructive behavior is a result of feeling abandoned by his abusive father as a child. Jesse said, “I grew up with a huge amount of shame and fear and abandonment on my shoulders from a very young age and I think, you know, the way my mind rationalized [cheating], ‘Well, you know, I might as well do whatever I can to like run her off cause she is going to find out what I am anyway and leave me anyway.’” At the time this was a very sad twist to an already sad story, but Jesse’s stepmom has come out saying that Jesse’s story is a bunch of bull.

Jesse’s stepmom Janina spoke to TMZ and said, “Larry was the most caring father, the kindest father who would do anything for anybody.  He loved Jesse to death and would brag about him all the time.” She also said that the broken bones and beat up body that Jesse attributed to his father’s lashings were actually because Jesse was into motocross.

I don’t think we’ll ever be certain of who is telling the truth. I am choosing to believe Jesse because it seems like Janina’s goal is to protect her man’s name and it’s all too typical for a step-parent to downplay the abuse their step-child goes through. Either way, this adds a whole ‘nother layer of bummer to this story.