May 27, 2010 at 02:40 pm by Evil Beet

Kendra Wilkinson on the Red Carpet for the Bounty Hunter

We linked you guys earlier in the week to a clip from the Kendra Wilkinson sex tape, and yesterday a 10-minute clip from her teenage sex video hit the ‘net. It’s NOT safe for work, but you can watch it here if you’re so inclined.

This tape is infuriating to me. Not because I have any problem with watching sex on tape — for the record, I watched the Pirates porn last week, and it was better than 75% of the mainstream movies I’ve seen this year. No joke. And normally these celeb sex tapes don’t bother me either, but this one in particular pisses me off.

Kendra doesn’t really want to be videotaped. She says so on quite a few occasions.

“Please don’t do it,” she says. “Please?”

“Kendra,” he says, annoyed. “I’m barely zooming in. Just go.”

“Can you not?”

“You’ll like it. Trust me. Watch. Go.”

Kendra seems resigned to her fate, and, almost instantaneously, she shifts characters, from a very young woman being pressured into a sexual situation she finds uncomfortable to a willing sexpot, grinding obligingly on the bed with a black panther blanket across it. (Jesus Christ.)

As her male companion puts the camera close-up on her vagina, she shuts her legs.

“What?” he whines. “Just do it. Just keep messing around.”

She pushes him and the camera away several times after that, each time slipping instantly back into character as soon as he expresses annoyance.

He begins performing oral sex on her. She’s not entirely comfortable with this. She wriggles around and clamps her legs close, against his head.

“Keep ‘em open. Keep ‘em open. Keep ‘em open. Open your legs. Open ‘em. Open ‘em.”

They have sex. He has trouble staying hard. He’s gross, really — a balding redhead in his early teens or late twenties with a pube-hair goatee, bad teeth and a too-large nose — pudgy and pale all over.

He cums inside her, even though she’s obviously asked him not to. She makes a face and she rolls off the bed. He acts surprised and upset by her action. She tells him she doesn’t like it when he does that. He mutters something about a blow job.

This isn’t a sex tape, really. It’s that thing we talk about that happens to our young women. That thing that we, as grown-ups, write about and research incessantly and condemn broadly, but don’t remember so vividly. It’s right here on video.

It reminds me to some extent of the Paris Hilton sex tape, but even more so here. It’s that space where young women have discovered and perfected their sexuality and its value, but haven’t yet figured out how it’s empowering. They just know that it’s something people want from them; it’s something people expect from them. Something young men expect from them; something, perhaps, that young men haven’t learned how to ask for politely. It’s uncomfortable and new and everybody’s learning, and what happens, more often than not, is that the male partner’s desires come first and more forcefully, and the young woman is disrespected and disempowered and left with a sense that she’s less valuable and less capable of demanding respect and control than her male counterpart — a sense than lingers into her twenties and beyond, even though she might not recognize it as such.

You should not be turned on by this. You should be pissed off.

This isn’t rape — not even close. And Kendra’s not even unhappy the whole time. But you can tell who’s in charge; you can tell who’s in control. It’s made clear. Kendra’s requests are completely ignored; she’s totally disrespected here, naked and exposed.

So the next time some enterprising journalist wants to wax poetic on “what’s happening to our daughters” — to cite studies and surveys and books upon books — maybe she could take ten minutes and watch the Kendra Wilkinson sex tape. What’s happening to them is right here, right on video.

May 27, 2010 at 02:00 pm by Molls

There are just so many things about this video that blow my mind. Where to start?

OK, so apparently Heidi Montag got an audition for Transformers 3 (OK, how???) and in order the prepare for her audition, Heidi went to a shooting range (!!!) and shot guns (!!!!). Like, actual firearms. Somebody gave Heidi Montag a gun and then filmed her using it. If that’s not a sign that gun control’s a problem, I don’t know what is. Sure, the gun was given to her in a controlled environment, but shouldn’t you have to pass some sort of mental health exam before they give you the bullets?

It looks like this isn’t the first time that Heidi’s used a gun, either. She actually maneuvers her way through a shooting course with alarming grace and speed. Perhaps the Colorado native has a history of hunting that we don’t know about?

Either way: Heidi in Transformers 3? Hell no. Heidi with a gun? Hell-er no.

May 27, 2010 at 12:30 pm by Molls

Sarah Jessica Parker Calls Husband Tiny

It’s always been rumored that Sarah Jessica Parker and her hubby Matthew Broderick have a less-than-romantic relationship, but the two have managed to hang on all these years and prove those rumors wrong. However, Sarah J.P. couldn’t help but fuel those rumors a little further when she told reporters at the Sex and the City 2 premiere that thankfully, her son has not inherited his father’s small stature.

Sarah told US Weekly:

“He’s not quite tiny – that’s on my husband’s side – well, actually Matthew is average… not in personality or in intellect…. no, no, no, no, no. Let me clear this up. For the record, not in personality, intellect, charisma, talent, genuine likeability, well the list could go on and on. Anyway he’s average in height as I understand so the odds of our son being average in height and weight is perhaps promising. Even with an average father! How am I ever gonna fix this?”

OK, well, at least Sarah Jessica tried to dig herself out of a hole there. And she’s no redwood herself, I mean, if little James is short it’s definitely not just his father’s fault, let’s put it that way.

May 27, 2010 at 11:32 am by Emily

A photo of Jonathan Rhys Meyers at a press conference for The Tudors

It’s back to rehab for Jonathan Rhys Meyers.  This trip, which was brought on by his girlfriend telling him to stop drinking or stop talking to her, will be his fourth time in treatment.  I know alcoholism is a serious problem, but I also know you’re not likely to get better if you’re doing it for someone else, so I’ve compiled a list of reasons why Jonathan Rhys Meyers is too hot for alcoholism, and hopefully he can sense the energy of what I’m trying to do and come to love himself because of it.

  1. He’s Irish.  Everyone knows that Irish guys are just hotter than guys of other nationalities.  And sure, Irish people have a stereotype for loving booze, but that’s just a stereotype, you don’t have to buy into it.  The country you were born and raised in has given you an automatic hotness advantage, Jonathan, so you just focus on that.
  2. Have you even seen The Tudors? Come on.  Historical facts and sex scenes aside, any man who can rock those beautiful costumes as well as he does is far too hot for alcoholism.  And all those layers of heavy fabric will make you heat up real quick, and the kind of warm that liquor makes you feel added on to that?  Not pleasant.  Don’t do that to yourself, Jonathan.
  3. August Rush.  What a beautiful tale of music and song and love.  If you can do things like this and this, why would you even bother drinking?  Just use all your bountiful talent to brighten the lives of the people who have this faith in you. Like me, Jonathan.  Just like me.
May 27, 2010 at 11:02 am by Emily

A photo of Daniel Radcliffe and Emma Watson at the National Movie Awards

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows (the last part of the Harry Potter series for those of you reading this site from your cave) was amazing.  I laughed, I cried, I screamed, I sobbed:  amazing.  Say what you will about a shitty epilogue or a predictable plot, but if you didn’t tear up at the end when Harry walked into that forest, when “I open at the close” finally made sense, then you don’t have a soul.

Quite understandably, the stars of the Harry Potter movies feel similarly close to the series.  They’ve been working on the movies for the past ten years, and filming for Deathly Hallows, which will be released in two parts, the first coming to theatres in November, will be finished in about two weeks.  Emma Watson said she felt “like someone is dying,” and Daniel Radcliffe is equally as torn up about it:

“I will be devastated [when it's over]. There is nothing I watch without it triggering a series of memories. Everything [about the films] is so linked to my life. At the same time, it is exciting. It is the end.”

Us too, Em and Dan.

After filming is over, Emma will take a break while Daniel will go on to appear as the lead in How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying on Broadway.  After the second part of Deathly Hallows is released next July, I will be taking Emma’s route, curling in an inconsolable ball of heartbreak as I sob about Harry Potter being really, finally over.

May 27, 2010 at 09:21 am by Sarah

photo of justin bieber in white shirt performing music

While touring Sydney, Australia, Justin Bieber stopped to do a quick, on-the-fly interview for an early morning show called Sunrise, and based on what some say, didn’t take too well to the foreign hospitality. Eyewitnesses state that Bieber told a floor manager who took his arm or touched his back or something to guide him to where he needed to go, “Don’t ever fucking touch me again.”

Koch, who is co-host for Sunrise spoke to radio station Mix FM and admitted that the Bieb is a pretty big baby-bitch prick:

“We had him on and he was a thoroughly nice bloke, really decent guy,” Koch said. “Our floor manager was directing him to where he was about to perform and he turned around to Nick and said ‘don’t ever f**king touch me again’ and Nick went ‘What?’ … And then his sound guy, his audio guy said ‘don’t take offence [sic] mate he tells us that all the time.”

But don’t worry about baby Biebs and his fan following, he’s got all of that under control and takes to his Twitter account to try and minimize the damage:

“Family time with my mom couldn’t come at a better time … I was raised to respect others and not gossip … nor answer gossip with anger … I know my friends family and fans know the person I am. Hearing adults spread lies and rumors is part of the job I guess.”

Yeah, so much for Bieber Fever. See what happens when someone gains fame from being a whiny, narcissistic tool on YouTube? You’ve all been duped by a snot-nosed kid that’s clearly a poor man’s Taylor Hanson.

Baby Bieber FAIL.