May 01, 2010 at 03:45 pm by Emily

Maybe you’re a nerd.  Maybe you just like action-packed movies.  Maybe you’re like me and you just nod and smile when charming young men eagerly tell you about things like the sequel to Iron Man or who finally got cast as Captain America in hopes that someday they might also tell you with that same eagerness that they would like nothing more than to be your loving husband.  I don’t know, I’m not trying to pass judgement.  But odds are, you probably saw The Dark Knight because, for whatever reason, it was pretty awesome.

Warner Brothers announced yesterday that Batman 3 was in the works, directed by Christopher Nolan and starring Christian Bale as that lovable, self-made superhero, Batman.  There’s also Gary Oldman as Commissioner Gordon, Morgan Freeman as Lucius Fox, and Michael Caine as Alfred.  It’s going to be released on July 20, 2012.  And those are all the facts.

I’m not an expert on the movie business or anything, but I think that having a script or at least a working plot would be helpful in making a movie.  Or maybe more than a small handful of characters.  But like I said, I’m not an expert, I’m just making observations.  And I am going to observe that without Heath Ledger, this movie is probably going to go ahead and suck.  Like Batman and Robin with Alicia Silverstone suck.

Go back to stomping on Robert Sean Leondard’s dream of being a beautiful swing dancer, Christian Bale.  It will serve you better.

May 01, 2010 at 02:34 pm by Emily

Yesterday was Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon’s second anniversary, so they decided to celebrate accordingly by renewing their marriage vows.  This makes their third wedding – the original, the one they had on their first anniversary, and this one.  This third wedding also means a third white dress and a third diamond ring.  And that is ridiculous.

Nick is the one going on about all this, saying things like:

“We get married every year! That’s our thing.”

Is it, Nick?  Is that your thing?  Because it sounds like your thing is being Mariah Carey’s bitch.  So you might want to reconsider what you’re doing with your life before you run out and get that fourth diamond.

This third diamond, by the way?  It’s a ring made with white diamonds and pink sapphires, and it’s crafted to look like a Ring Pop.  Nothin’ but class for that girl.  And to think, Nick, you worked so hard on Drumline to squander your fortune like this.  For shame.

May 01, 2010 at 11:08 am by Emily

Tomorrow night, the 60 Minutes special featuring Conan O’Brien talking about his “toxic relationship” with NBC will premiere.  Early transcripts of this interview have been released on EW.com, and Conan makes the following statements in the interview:

“I know me, I wouldn’t have done that.  If I had surrendered The Tonight Show and handed it over to somebody publicly and wished them well…and then…six months later. But that’s me, you know. Everyone’s got their own, you know, way of doing things.”

“I think this relationship [with NBC and Jay Leno] is going to be toxic and maybe we just need to go our separate ways.  That’s really how it felt to me…and I started to feel that I’m not sure these people even really want me here….I can’t do it [anymore].”

On whether or not he has any regrets: “I don’t regret anything. I don’t regret one decision I made in that week and a half period…I wish it had ended differently. But I’m fine. I do believe, and this might be my Catholic upbringing or Irish magical thinking, but I think things happen for a reason. I really do. And I think that this all happened for a reason.”

On whether or not he was screwed: “The biggest thing people come up and say to me in gas stations and restaurants, I have so many people say this to me. ‘Hey partner, you got screwed.’ I don’t — and I always tell them, ‘No, I didn’t. I didn’t get screwed. I’m — I’m fine. It just — it didn’t work out.’ But I don’t want people thinking, you know, that I got screwed. Because it just didn’t work out.”

It’s admirable that he’s taking the whole situation in such stride and he has been since it started, but come on, Conan, you really were screwed.  Let’s not beat around any bushes.

On a semi-related note, Conan O’Brien looks just like the president of Finland, Tarja Halonen. Check it out.

May 01, 2010 at 10:26 am by Emily

What’s that?  You don’t know who Cinco Armstrong is?  Why, it’s Lance Armstrong’s fifth child, of course!  Don’t worry, Cinco’s account should get verified as soon as he grows a skeleton.

According to the fetus’ profile page, it will be named either Jack or Olivia once it forms a reproductive system.  Regardless of sex, little Cinco already has 1, 946 followers, so there won’t be any issue of love in the kid’s life.  He or she will also have four siblings, a hot mom, and a father who is an American hero, not only for all that bicycle business, but also for famously fathering five children with one testicle.  You’re a miracle in so many ways, little Cinco.  Consider me one more follower.

May 01, 2010 at 09:50 am by Emily

A Cirque du Soleil show based on Michael Jackson’s music has been in the works for a while, but now they’re finally getting ready to get this show on the road (though it won’t be literally on the road until Fall of 2011).   It shall be a sensory extravaganza not to be missed.  That is, if you’re into that sort of thing.  I’m not a big fan of Michael Jackson myself, but if people are going to be jumping around doing gymnastics and shit while pretty lights are going off, I’ll listen to anything.  For example:

May 01, 2010 at 09:05 am by Emily

Jodie Sweetin, best known for her role as Stephanie on Full House and also her meth addiction, is preggers with her second kid!  Sweetin is also in the midst of finalizing her divorce from Cody Herpin, the father of the first kid, two-year-old Zoie (really?  Zoie?  Such inventive vowel use, Jodie).  It’s been quite the busy month for everyone’s favorite middle child from 90′s television.

The father of the child is Sweetin’s boyfriend, Marty Coyle.  He’s a DJ, so this baby is going to be unbelievably talented (either that or addicted to drugs, it’s too soon to tell).

Herpin is pretty upset about this here pregnancy.  Understandably so, after good ol’ Jodie allegedly took little Zoie out for a spin while drunk off her ass.  But hey, that’s totally cool, Jodie.  I bet you totally had it under control, and you probably even drive better while intoxicated.  Some people are just like that, it’s fine.  Or maybe just stop reproducing and go to rehab.

For those of you who are curious about the picture, that’s a photo taken at Jodie’s book-signing for her memoir, unSweetined.  If I were you, I’d run out and purchase it immediately.  Any book containing stories about both meth and Bob Saget deserves a Pulitzer.