I know there are like horses and shit at the Kentucky Derby, and that’s all great, but I really don’t care about that because EVERYONE LOOKS SO CUTE!  The Kentucky Derby could very well be my favorite red carpet event for fashion, and I don’t care what that says about me as a person, I unapologetically love it.

Above is Pete Wentz and Ashlee Simpson-Wentz being the most adorably dressed people in the entire world.  Seriously, look at them and tell me they’re not.  You cannot do it, and if you could, it would be a lie.

Below are assorted pictures of my favorite looks, including Jesse Spencer, Rebecca Romijn, Fran Drescher, and Johnny Weir.

This weekend, the new Nightmare on Elm Street movie opened, and it was kind of a big deal.  It raked in an estimated $32.2 million, which placed the movie at the number one slot in the box office.

I don’t really understand the mass appeal of movies like this.  When you go to see a horror movie, you’re expecting shitty acting from largely unknown actors (except with Nightmare on Elm Street there’s Katie Cassidy, the girl that played the first Ruby on Supernatural, so that’s something) and an entirely predictable plot.  I mean, it’s fun and all, but I don’t know if I’d call it 32 million dollars worth of fun.

I thought all that, then I saw the trailer for The Human Centipede*, a horror movie that also opened Friday, but just in one theater. And that is a movie that I would gladly pay 32 million dollars to see, given that I had 32 million disposable dollars.  And honestly, who wouldn’t?

*Spoiler alert:  three people get connected together in a grotesquely intriguing way, and together they look kind of like a centipede.

It’s been a big week for Michael.  First the Cirque du Soleil business, now this.  Jason Pfeiffer, Jackson’s office manager, recently made claims that he was secretly dating Jackson until his death, and that the two had a “passionate and sexual relationship.”  They met at a dermatology office where Pfeiffer had been working (which just makes me giggle).

In an interview with Extra, Pfeiffer said the following while telling the story of how the two began their relationship:

“We were just sitting there and we both started to cry and I got up and went over to him and said it’s going to be okay Michael.  We hugged. And it was kind of then that the hug was a little bit more. It wasn’t until a few months later that it was obvious that Michael had feelings for me as well. I just assumed that he was probably bisexual. I know we loved each other, I know he told me that all the time. I believe that he was probably my soulmate.”

Dr. Arnold Klein, Michael Jackson’s former physician and BFF, supports these claims.  Klein told Extra that he walked in on them once, and went on to say:

“When you see two people looking at each other you know what’s happening. I was just very happy for both of them.”

Klein has also received death threats for confirming this story, which I think is the most absurd part of this whole situation.  Who has the energy to make a death threat every time someone makes a comment about Michael Jackson’s sexuality?  That is a  full-time job with lots of overtime and no pay, all you creepers out there, so go ahead and do something more constructive with your time.

What are your thoughts?  Could this be true?  Is anyone surprised?  Is anyone still invested in Michael Jackson at all?

But who is surprised?

Little Chelsea Clinton is getting married soon, and of course her father is walking her down the aisle.  This would all be just fine and appropriate, but Chelsea told Bill that he needs to lose 15 pounds for the big day.  The former President said:

“[Chelsea] told me the other day, she said, ‘Dad, the only thing you gotta do is walk me down the aisle, and you need to look good.’ So I said, ‘Well, what’s your definition?’ And she said, ‘Oh, about 15 pounds.’ So I’m halfway home.”

Of course living healthily is important, and if someone is overweight, I think it’s great if a loved one wants to encourage them to get in shape.  That’s fine.  But this bitch wants her dad to look better in her wedding pictures, and that’s all it is, and that’s awful.  Maybe care about your father’s health, Chelsea.  Maybe stop obsessing over your bridal business and respect your parents.  Just a suggestion.

At the White House Correspondents’ dinner last night, Jessica Simpson revealed her one true wish:  to be Michelle Obama.

“I really do [want to be Michelle Obama].  She’s such an incredible woman, and she’s with such a powerful man. Everything she does she exudes confidence.  I’m really just here to celebrate her.”

Shoot for the moon, Jess.  Even if you miss, you’ll land among the stars.

On the topic of stars, the Correspondents’ dinner was full of them.  Guests included Justin Bieber (who, in my opinion, is the songbird of this generation), Jessica Alba, the Jonas Brothers, Dennis Quaid, Kim Kardashian, Scarlett Johansson, Gabourey Sidibe, Queen Latifah, and a good few more.  Check out the gallery to see such things as Justin Bieber and Marlon Wayans flashing gang signs and Gabourey Sidibe being in desperate need of a new stylist (and before you guys hate on me, I’m not saying anything about her being a big girl, I’m just saying that there are ways to flatter every body type, and homegirl needs to work that out).

(more…)

Because this crazy is coming at you real quick.

Michael Lohan is taking action to get a conservatorship for his wacky daughter.  This isn’t the first time Daddy is threatening this, but this time, the stakes are a little higher.  If fate takes a hand, Lindsay will be going to jail this time, so clearly Michael Lohan has to jump to the rescue.  What a shining example of heroism, Michael.

Michael has said that he would totally be up for taking the job of Lindsay’s conservator, but he’s willing to consider someone else. Listen, Michael Lohan can’t even control his own life, let alone someone else’s.  Especially a someone else like his dear daughter.

For humanity’s sake, I’m going to extend my original plea to the entire Lohan family.  Guys, just get your lives together.  Please. Cocaine and cocktails are never going to fill the holes in your hearts.  You have to heal together, ok?  You have to heal together.