Even though Charlie Sheen and Brooke Mueller are supposedly trying to “make it work” again, Brooke spent Mother’s Day with their twins in Griffith Park alone. Well, she was with the nanny, but we all know that hired friends don’t count. Brooke was recently treated for a crack addiction (which fascinates me to no end, ’cause like… who the fuck does crack?), but these pictures show her to be in high spirits and looking pretty good.

I like Brooke Mueller. She’s resilient and probably a little psycho, by far two of the best qualities a woman can have.

Back on April 26, Newsweek went and posted an absurdly homophobic article on their website that essentially stated that while straight actors play gay roles all the time, gay actors cannot play straight roles.  You guys just pray about that ridiculous statement for a minute.

The article mentioned actors like Sean Hayes (formerly Jack on Will and Grace, currently the lead in the Broadway revival of Promises, Promises) and Jonathan Groff (Rachel’s new boyfriend on Glee, also a pretty big deal on Broadway) come off as “wooden and insincere” while playing straight.  I have not seen Promises, Promises, but I watch Glee like it’s my job, and Jonathan Groff could seduce the fuck out of anyone, male or female, so you better open your eyes, Newsweek.

Kristin Chenoweth, Sean Hayes’ costar and a guest star on Glee, had some strong words to say about this article:

“This article offends me because I am a human being, a woman and a Christian. For example, there was a time when Jewish actors had to change their names because anti-Semites thought no Jew could convincingly play Gentile. Setoodeh [the author of the article] even goes so far as to justify his knee-jerk homophobic reaction to gay actors by accepting and endorsing that ‘as viewers, we are molded by a society obsessed with dissecting sexuality, starting with the locker room torture in junior high school.’ Really? We want to maintain and proliferate the same kind of bullying that makes children cry and in some recent cases have even taken their own lives? That’s so sad, Newsweek!”

Ryan Murphy, the creator of Glee, has taken this a step further by inviting the president of GLAAD to boycott Newsweek until apologies are made to all actors mentioned in the original article.  The author hasn’t apologized, but he has attempted to explain his reasoning and point of view on the issue, and nobody even cares.

I’ve seen all sides of this issue in action, and it seems to be more of an individualized thing.  I’ve seen straight actors play gay and vice versa with no problems whatsoever.  I played a lesbian once, and nobody told me I was wooden and insincere.  I’ve also seen gay boys struggle to butch up as required by certain roles.  However, my favorite experience with this issue by far is watching a straight man be completely unable to play a flamboyant gay man.  If you have never seen a somewhat insecure straight man attempt to do an elaborate drag routine involving a stripper pole to “Proud Mary” in a gold minidress, I highly recommend it.

If you missed Betty White’s utterly amazing and hilarious appearance on Saturday Night Live, then you should probably reconsider what you’re doing with your free time and go ahead and pay homage to this American hero.  Good ol’ Betty was admittedly a bit nervous at first, but she got over it real quick and it made for an awesome SNL in the midst of the shit show it’s turned into recently.  So yeah, go ahead and watch that if you haven’t and probably rewatch it if you have, because it is just the right thing to do.  But that’s not what this is about.

Today, MTV announced the nominees for their Movie Awards, and Betty White made the list for Best WTF Moment.  This moment took place in The Proposal, which I didn’t see, but I’m willing to vote for her just for integrity’s sake.  Other nominees include moments from the movies Zombieland, Transformers:  Revenge Of The Fallen, The Hangover, and Jennifer’s Body.  MTV, do yourself a favor and don’t even bother looking at these votes, because if Betty White doesn’t win, it is surely a sign of the End Times.

Maybe you might think I feel a bit strongly about Betty White, and I do.  I really do.  This probably stems from all the hours I spent watching Golden Girls as a child and the deep connection I felt with Rose.  I may not have known what menopause was, and I may not have understood the massive amount of whore jokes directed at Blanche, but I could definitely sympathize with Rose.  I didn’t have a blind sister or a dead husband, but I had that same childlike spirit and naivety along with the ability to tell remarkably long stories that no one seemed to care about (that might have been because I was 6, but that’s not important).  So here’s to you, Betty.  I hope with all my heart that you get that ridiculous popcorn statue from MTV, because no one deserves it more than you.

Lil Wayne is so amazing. When I saw a headline this morning saying that Wayne had been caught in jail with “contraband”, of course my mind went to the worst things possible: weapons or drugs. But no. What Wayne was busted for was setting up a bootleg iPod for himself with a watch that played mp3s and some shitty headphones.

From the NY Daily News:

“He was found with a charger for an MP3 player and unauthorized earphones,” in his Rikers Islan cell, a source said.

Authorities seized the music pieces at 8 a.m. after a prison rat tipped off officers, who found the music contraband in foil and a bag stuffed in Lil Wayne’s trash.

A subsequent search found another inmate in the same wing with the accompanying music player, sources said.

Wayne got busted for trying to listen to music in jail! And if you’ve seen The Carter you know that Wayne doesn’t even really listen to other people’s music, he just keeps creating more of his own. Was Wayne busted trying to make a new album in the slammer? I think that might be the case! Genius!

Oh, and this has been out there for awhile, but I just wanted to remind y’all that you can send Wayne fan mail, Christmas cards and legal treats while he’s locked up:

Eric M. Taylor Center (EMTC)
Dwayne Carter NYSID# 02616544L
10-10 Hazen Street
East Elmhurst, NY 11370

Never-before-heard audio recordings from Michael Jackson have recently surfaced, and no, it’s not a new verse for P.Y.T. It’s actually much, much sadder than all that. The tapes, which Michael recorded himself, are of Michael making a series of phone calls to friends basically begging for help with money.

RadarOnline had the transcript:

“It is Michael. Ahh, it is 4:30 in the morning here that’s why I sound very sleepy (laughs) and I’m really worn out… but please check the message I left a day or so ago. I am very concerned. I don’t trust that man. We think he’s bad, we think he is Italian Mafia. Please… we must be smarter than him. So please, help me with this. I need to get that, those funds so I can do that, I wanna be away. . . I don’t want to be in Neverland right now.”

“I am very embarrassed. But, um, there should be that I have some finance that’s coming up January, February 2nd, and um… that’s why I, we, need to have on sun screen to the account 150. Please don’t be mad at me for… (inaudible) It’s something that’s very important to me and my family, because I’m afraid for us that I’m being stalked and I think it is (name withheld).”

“It is Michael calling. It is very important, I want that 150 in that account for me, because… I am very concerned about my life. I am hearing a lot of stories that (name withheld) is still trying to sabotage (inaudible) me and I want to be in a different environment and, um, I’ve found a place that I like and now (inaudible) I want to be away for a while where they can’t find me. So please help me, help (inaudible) help me, and, um, more important than (inaudible). We are brothers.”

Ugh. He sounds like me on the phone with my parents when I can’t scrape together the money to pay my cellphone bill. How completely depressing.

Here’s what I’ve taken from this story:

1. Never become famous.
2. If you have to become famous, don’t be a Jackson.
3. Save your money.

Thanks for the lesson, Michael! Now that you’ve officially given us all that you can, I hope you’re allowed to rest in peace.

‘Cause that’s not fucking disgusting or anything. Jaysus. Some might automatically associate celebrity (even the lowest form of celebrity) with cleanliness or godliness or something, but it’s clear that these two don’t have a clue as to how to manage a career, let alone a hygienic home.

According to Life & Style magazine, the power-couple are collectively hardcore “hoarders,” not so unlike Lindsay Lohan, but instead of hoarding unused expensive shit, they hoard dog shit. And Spencer forces Heidi to clean it up:

The insider shares frightening never-before-seen photos of their actual home far from Hollywood in LA’s Pacific Palisades area. The kitchen and living room are filled with Spencer’s crystals, stacks of his screenplays and junk everywhere. “Their four dogs aren’t housebroken,” an insider tells Life & Style. “They go to the bathroom all over the house. Heidi is sometimes near tears at the dogs’ mess, but Spencer just orders her to pick it up.”

Heidi’s probably used to picking shit up, as it were. Spencer seems rather rabbit-like in his appearance and we all know how those fuckers just drop shit behind them after every sudden movement they happen to make.

Dude, I’ve met people like this. They walk the walk, they talk the talk and wear (and buy) the nicest stuff. You’d think they’ve got it all together, but in reality, they’re a dead mess. Their countertops are stacked with week-old dirty dishes, there’s empty food containers shoved under the sofa and all they have in the fridge is old soy sauce packages — maybe a few duck sauces if they’re lucky. Laundry’s left in piles that one can only decipher clean from dirty by taking a deep whiff of the fabric. Gross, man. Just gross.

I know these two don’t have two brain cells to rub together (and could you imagine the nuclear fallout if they did?), but come on. It’s not so hard to understand that when things start to stink, they should be thrown away.

Spence, you’re going to make some big bucks off of your newest protege, Slimy Salami or whatever Snooki’s ex’s name is, hire a damned maid or something.