So, I was looking through one of our photo sites and I kept scrolling past all these galleries of various photo calls at the Cannes Film Festival and then I see this image above and I’m like “What. The. Hell?” Because zombies and shit are my worst nightmare. And not because I’m afraid of having my brains eaten by the undead, but because I couldn’t be more over zombies and vampires and swampthings and whatever dumb-ass fictional monster is currently trendy. Ugh! Over it!

But I guess the world of cinema, at least for the time being, is not. This is the photocall for a movie that I desperately hope does not get sold, Zombie Women of Satan. Doesn’t that sound like the biggest pile of suck imaginable?

photo via dotcomboom.tumblr.com

My friend Jordan Rubin (whom our very own Sasha has claimed as her future husband) and I started a podcast a few weeks back called DotComBoom. This week we were lucky enough to have Jordan’s good friend Samantha Ronson as our guest. I know what you’re thinking: “Why are you kissing Samantha Ronson’s ass, Molls? This is where we come to read people talking shit about people like her…” But you guys are going to have to trust me when I tell you that she’s ridiculously nice and super-duper funny. I mean it.

It’s rare for Sam to agree to do a podcast or radio interview, so if you want to hear her talk about her favorite TV shows, her favorite adult beverage, and of course, her dog Cadillac who I am completely obsessed with, check out it out here. And if you don’t care about Samantha Ronson, maybe you’ll be interested in our special guest Dirt Nasty aka Simon Rex, who only refers to me as “egghead”. If you don’t care about either of those people, then I have no idea what you’re doing on a celebrity gossip blog, but thanks for being here and I appreciate your pageviews.

Also, if you want to interact with us while we’re recording podcasts in the future and ask our celebrity guests questions, follow Jordan (who is honestly one of the funniest Tweeters in all the land) and I on on Twitter and look for us to let you know when we’re taping our next show.

You released your new music video today, and that’s great.  Really, it is.  I’m glad that you are successful right now and that you have fans that adore you.  The world is your oyster, Ke$ha, and that’s exactly why I feel the need to get through to you.

You are a hot mess, honey.  There’s no other way to put it.  I know, I know, you might just be presenting the persona of an alcoholic, promiscuous young lady, but when the opening lyric of your latest song is “maybe I need some rehab,” maybe you do.  Maybe that’s exactly what you need.  Your issues with alcohol have been documented, but I’m also beginning to speculate some other substances are involved, mostly due to the fact that you have a trippy animated segment in the middle of your new video in which you turn into a mermaid for a second.  I don’t know, maybe you’re just being creative, and if that’s the case, I apologize.  I just want what’s best for you.

With all my love,

Emily

P.S.  If I get cockblocked one more time because we’re at a club and “Blah Blah Blah” comes on and my friends just have to dance to it, I don’t know if we can be friends anymore.

Yesterday was New York University’s Commencement ceremony.  It happened at Yankee Stadium.  Alec Baldwin was their guest speaker. And I am a little bit jealous (my commencement speaker was a 90-year-old former senator who rambled for an hour about trains and aliens and his bladder cancer, but that’s another story).

Alec was also given an honorary doctorate in fine arts, having received his original degree from NYU’s Tisch School for the Arts in 1994.  On top of his shiny new Ph.D, he is also hosting Saturday Night Live this weekend.  This is a huge week for Alec Baldwin, you guys. You should probably send him a card or something.

What do you think of Alec Baldwin?  Does he deserve all this ruckus? Is he your favorite Baldwin (personally, my heart belongs to Daniel)?

There’s no such thing as being a little bit pregnant, but there’s totally such a thing as being seriously, way pregnant. In fact, I believe the words I used when talking to a friend about these photos were, “Claudia Schiffer looks pregnant as fuck.” And hey, that’s not body-snark. We saw the chick naked this week and homegirl is looking like she swallowed a boulder. It’s just… doesn’t that look crazy uncomfortable? Is human life worth that discomfort? I don’t know, it seems questionable.

Last night I went to my favorite dive in Silverlake, as I do every Wednesday night. Occasionally you’ll see a famous face there, but the bar is pretty far from Hollywood and not exactly low-key or private in that it’s usually packed with wasted 20-somethings after a certain hour. A small line had formed by the time I got there with my BFF Edward, so we hopped in the middle of the line where our friends were (normally I don’t do this, but fuck you.) Right when the bouncer was checking our IDs, I noticed a commotion toward the front of the bar. Then I saw a very familiar leopard print coat moving past me. It was Mischa, you guys. In her Burlington Coat Factory leopard print coat. And truth be told, that girl is very pretty in person. I’m not even going to play like she’s ugly or crazy looking. She’s really pretty in person.

So I was all, “Hey, Meesh!” Of course I’d never met her before, but she paused for a moment and stared at me all puzzled looking before saying, “hey” back and continuing to frump her way to the end of the line. Mischa Barton had to stand in line at a dive bar! And you know what? She was the only one who didn’t seem to mind. Her friends were begging the bouncer to let them in and saying things like, “You don’t know, she’s like… She’s really important,” and “I can’t believe you’re doing this to her.” It was pretty obnoxious, to say the least. Your famous friend can’t help you cut the line at the bar? Boo hoo, Charlie.

Mishmish must have bounced by the time her homies finally got in because I saw her desperate red-headed friend with the complaints inside about 20 minutes later, but there was no Mischa as far as I could see. I’m assuming she got tired of hearing her friend talk, too.

But yeah. I saw Mischa, you guys. She was pretty and she said hi to me and she was wearing that leopard print coat I love making fun of. Hollywood, man. Hollywood!