Jersey Shore didn’t “claim another victim” as in they recruited another member, by the way.  They didn’t kill someone either.  They just have new assault charges filed against them.

Last Saturday, Sammi allegedly punched some girl, Kristen DeMinco, a good few times because she was talking to Ronnie.  I think that’s totally understandable, Sammi was just protecting her relationship.  If you were dating a man as wonderful as Ronnie, wouldn’t you do the same?  But now Kristen is all up in arms, filing charges just because she got a couple knocks to the head.  Kristen also plans to sue Sammi for damages, which is ridiculous, because Sammi could just sue her right back for damaging her reputation.  You think about that before you go making any rash decisions, Ms. DeMinco.

Just kidding, you guys, assault is not a laughing matter.  Except when your nickname is Sweetheart.  Then it’s a little funny.

If you watched Ellen yesterday or if you’ve been on the internet lately, you’ve probably heard about this Greyson Michael Chance kid who sings songs on Youtube.  The video above is of Chance singing “Paparazzi” by Lady Gaga. And it’s kind of better than the original.

Lady Gaga, who Chance says is his “number one inspiration,” phoned in to talk to him via Ellen, and it’s really odd to hear Lady Gaga speak to a child when I know all she wants is to be drunk. She told him to “keep following his dreams, work really hard, and stay away from girls.”  It sounds like Lady Gaga is just telling little Greyson the things she wished someone had told her back in the day, before she became the train wreck she is today.  And I know I linked to the same article twice, I just think it’s such a nice article, especially when placed alongside Gaga’s dealings with children.  I also know that she has an incredibly unique style and a whole lot of people like her music, but I don’t think magazine covers and album sales are going to fill that hole in her heart.

By the way, the video above is not the video from the Ellen performance, mostly because I like the overall feel of this video much more.  Check out the girls watching him with lust in their eyes.  That hilarity is my gift to you.

And another one bites the dust. Not that I care; I’m still reeling-ly bitter about the imminent cancellation of 24. 24 is the best show ever, and if you don’t agree, stop reading right now because this entire post is going to consist of me bitching about 24‘s cancellation. I don’t give a crap about Law & Order, though I know that my ex-fiance’s mother is probably horrified and my grandmother’s probably rolling around in her grave, but you know what? Both of those people are dead to me (one obviously more than the other) and I don’t have to listen to the alligator tears over a show that’s been on the damned air for twenty damned years when I have to have Kiefer Sutherland’s hot ass dragged away from me after only eight brief-but-sweet seasons.

Really. What.  Are you bitching about.

Law & Order‘s been on the air since 1990 and NBC is officially cancelling the court drama. L&O will go to syndication hell just like every other long-running and semi-popular show gone before. The cast and crew of the ever-present television show were notified yesterday afternoon of the end of their careers the show’s demise.

But fuck. Law & Order got, like, seventeen spinoffs, why not 24? What kind of grudge are they holding against Jack? Why can’t we have our moment in the storyline-melding spinoff heaven?

Total conspiracy. For real.

Tila sings. Acapella. And raps. Poorly. Oh, man, if this isn’t trainwreck entertainment at its best, nothing is. She kind of reminds me of Snoop … you know, if Snoop wasn’t talented, male and coherent (at least most of the time).

Hearing her sing without music behind her actually reminds me of a time when Tila was pure … ish. It was January or February of 2005 and I’d embarked on my first tour of New Orleans’ Mardi Gras and my friends and I were completely — completely — wasted. We’d spent all day (and the previous night … and the day before … and the previous night before that) drinking. We had hit up pretty much every bar in the vicinity of Bourbon Street three times over at that point and Fat Tuesday was fast-approaching. We made another pilgrimage to one of the city’s hottest karaoke bars (yes, I’m a bona fide karaoke freak, thankyouverymuch) and stumbled upon none other than Ms. OMG herself, Tila Tequila. She was brunette then and didn’t have boobs as big as the lumpy mountains she calls tits now, but it was Tila in all of her cheerleader-skirt-with-garter-belts glory. She was just as wasted as the rest of us were and had her place on stage, dancing and grinding with the DJs. At that point, I didn’t really know who she was (other than another D-list famester) and I didn’t care much — that was the night that I got to sing a duet with a former contestant of American Idol, Desmond. If that was even his name. We sang Prince’s “Kiss” and it made my night. Tila had slithered off during the course of the evening, but I’ll always remember her as that babbling, inebriated kewpie doll, dancing dangerously and swinging tattooed limbs all over the place. Good times.

Oh, yeah, and her gossip site is up and running. But please don’t jump ship on me. I promise to (try and) be way more entertaining than the non-pregnant, sometimes-lesbian, drug-and-alcohol addled Tila Tequila. They’re some pretty big boobs boots to fill, but I’m confident I can do it. Even if I have to go and rob CVS stores to prove it.

And she’s kind of reminding me more of the original pop tart, Madonna, rather than Lady Gaga.

Aguilera sits down with GQ‘s German version and dishes on motherhood, sex appeal and music. The June issue, now available in select newsstands, features black and white bondage-type photos of the amazing songstress, who discusses life and a newfound confidence after the birth of her son, Max:

“I was never sharper than now, never attractive, sex has always been a big part of me in my work and private. But today I feel better than ever in my skin. And I understand how I get exactly what I want … That’s part of the change of having a child for me – seeing your body do these things you never thought possible. When you have a baby, you go through a period where your body is not your own. It becomes for your child and that’s it. Once you bounce back from that and kind of get your body back … I feel better than ever. It’s a great feeling.”

And naturally, she’s asked about her Lady Gaga similarities:

“That, in particular, is not even worth wasting the breath to comment on,” said the singer, whose new album, Bionic, drops June 8. “I’ve been around for over a decade and I think my work speaks for myself.

Well said, girlfriend. You remind me more of Madonna than anyone else, anyway. And I’d personally rather bang Madonna than Lady Gaga … at least Madonna circa “Material Girl,” rather than now, at any rate.

Evangeline Lilly was snapped at last night’s premiere of Stones in Exile in New York City wearing what one could only describe as Blanche Devereaux‘s full-lengthy exercise romper.

I think satin’s pretty gross. I think that brown satin might be even worse. However, the chunky heels coupled with the tapered-ankle, brown satin jumper is just murder and the idea of gouging my eyes out with a hot spoon is sounding pretty damned appealing right about now.

Love it or leave it? More like rip the shit off, douse it with turpentine, find hallowed ground and bury the thing … but only after you set it on fire in sacrifice to the cruel, cruel god that made Evangeline Lilly think it would be okay to ever — ever! — go out in public in such a putrid ensemble.